


The Astrology Tower Slag

by caralavender



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 82,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26827426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caralavender/pseuds/caralavender
Summary: Willow Wood, daughter of world-famous Quidditch Star Oliver Wood, is known for two things at Hogwarts: being obsessed with Quidditch and being the infamous Astronomy Tower Slag.
Relationships: James Sirius Potter/Original Female Character(s), Katie Bell/Oliver Wood, Roxanne Weasley/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	1. Oh Captain, my Captain

* * *

James Sirius Potter and Willow Wood met in the Great Hall of Hogwarts when both were around twelve or so, right after the latter had been sorted into the Gryffindor. It took the Hat a few minutes to figure her out, but the final decision was as obvious as it was to the hat when it was placed on James' messy head of hair.

"Hi," James had said once Willow took a seat next to him. Her father was his favorite Quidditch player of all time. "I'm James Sirius Potter." He extended out his hand, enunciating his last name with purpose.

"Willow." The blonde girl said curtly as she shook his hand. She had a strong grip, James noted.

"Wood, right?" He said. "Your dad's my favorite Quidditch player. I reckon you already know who my dad is."

Her eyebrows quirked up in response to his arrogance. In the twelve years she had been on Earth, Willow had never met someone as audacious as James.

"No, sorry, I don't. Who?" She feigned ignorance. She knew he had purposely used his full name to get a reaction from her and she wasn't going to give it to him.

In the twelve years he had been on Earth, James had never been met with this response and his flustered reaction made this obvious.

Ever since he was young, he carried an air of confidence which his parents attributed to his ease in all aspects of life— adoration seemed to come easy for him. His father called it charming, his mother called it cockiness. His parents figured it was better he was self-asserted rather than unsure of who he was. At its best, it translated into him being a defender of sorts, able to resist against the grain and public opinion. At its worst, his self-assertion translated into him nosying around in other people's business and an arrogance that made him unable to think about any other's feelings when he spoke.

"I'm James Sirius _Potter_ ," He said again louder. Maybe she didn't hear him the first time. He was used to his first impressions being met with immediate acceptance.

"Yeah, you said that." A smile played on her lips. Willow was only twelve but she wasn't naive about the world or the people who inhabited it. She figured out James's deal before he had began speaking— she was always looking out for ulterior motives, always searching for the details lurking in the dark. Unlike her counterpart, adoration had never come easy for her even when she was young. At five, her parents split up, got back together, and finally split up for good. She learned to be one step ahead, a way of protecting what she had left of herself.

"My dad is Harry Potter," James repeated. "He saved the Wizarding World from absolute tyranny. Not a big deal or anything."

"Have you read the Daily Prophet? He's always on the back page where they put the photos of the..."

His voice trailed off once he recognized that she was making fun of him. She looked rather satisfied with herself.

"Haha. Very funny, Wood. I get what you're doing."

"Do you, now?" Willow grinned widely. James gritted his teeth. He was normally the one to take the piss out of someone.

"Yeah." He rolled his eyes before remarking, "Whatever. Your dad's now my second favorite Quidditch player."

She didn't skip a beat. "No way, your dad's _my_ second favorite person who saved the Wizarding World!"

Fred Weasley II, who had been listening to their conversation with amusement, now decided to burst in with a loud guffaw.

"You find this funny, do you?" James glared at his best friend and cousin.

"Yeah, she's hilarious." The curly haired boy answered cheekily before turning to Willow. "I'm Fred, by the way. I'm this idiot's cousin."

Willow sat up straight, pushing her hand out to meet his. Then, in an arrogant sort of voice, she said, "Willow _Wood._ Your dad is my favorite joke shop owner. I reckon you know who my dad is, he's, like, the best Quidditch player in the entire world."

Fred roared with laughter and James scowled in response. He couldn't help but feel intimidated by her. She knew how to challenge him without matching his self—assertion, only mocking it. He decided at that moment that he didn't really like this Willow Wood's attitude and it was likewise on her part; they both silently made an agreement to stay away from each other.

That agreement didn't necessarily work out as they both showed up fifteen minutes early to Quidditch tryouts the following week and both made the team as first years. To top things off, they were both Chasers. Thus, a rivalry began between the two that developed into a playful partnership on the pitch. James assumed the rivalry would come to a full close when the captain, Daniel Kang, graduated and chose the next captain who would rightfully be him.

When the letter never arrived, he didn't have time to be sad, only time to be angry. And so, the rivalry was reignited, much larger this time.

* * *

_Dear Willow Wood,_

_We are pleased to inform you that, through careful looking over your recommendations and grades, you have been selected to be the captain for your sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Enclosed is the badge declaring your captain title of your house's Quidditch team. We trust that you will be a fair leader and make your house proud._

_— Headmaster Longbottom_

* * *

The steam rising out of the Hogwarts' Express filled the sky, pushing the bittersweet autumn breeze down. Willow Wood pulled on tighter to the thin jacket that covered her goosebump-covered arms.

The black train stared back at her blank gaze. Her mind was not made up yet, still mulling over her excitement, or lack of, to return to school.

"Bloody hell, Willow," Her brother, an incoming first year, exclaimed. "Look at that!" She turned around to see Theo pointing to an overwhelmingly amount of redheads all clustered together on the platform.

"That's just the Weasley's." Willow scoffed but her eyes glinted with jealously. The clan of Weasley-Potters were ludicrously famous, but it wasn't like they were elusive. They were easy to find, all she had to do was look for the giant love fest of "Promise to write!" and "Love you!" She never looked too closely at them or she'd move past her envy, onwards to longing.

Amidst all the redheads and the silvery blondes, she caught a glimpse of a messy ink black hair. James Sirius Potter was standing near the edges of the throng, addressing his mother with rolled eyes. He seemed to become aware she was staring at him as he looked over at Willow briefly before giving his a mother a chaste kiss on her cheek.

Dread washed over her body. As much as she'd like to gloat about her captaincy, she knew James was going to be impossible to deal with.

"Shall we go in the train or are you going to stand there, ogling Harry Potter?" She asked.

"Ogling Harry Potter sounds more fun than being with you," Theo said jokingly. "Whatever," She grumbled. "We have a famous dad, too."

"He's not here, though," Theo said very sullenly. Willow gave him a slight pat on the shoulder, not knowing what exactly to say as no one had told her anything when she had gone to Platform Nine and Three Quarters all by herself in her first year. She decided on: "I'll be in the train."

After she hoisted her luggage up onto the train, she promptly came face to face with the unfortunately named David Davies.

Besides their parents' penchant for alliteration, Willow and David shared another thing in common— their own penchant for sleeping around. That didn't hold up the same by the Castle's standards. David was branded simply as a player while Willow was the school's Astronomy Tower Slag.

"So, Willow," He said in a low whisper. "You down for a welcome back in the Astronomy Tower tonight?"

"Erm," She felt her cheeks flush slightly as she noticed Theo making his way up into the train. She did not want her little brother to discover that his older sister is the Astronomy Tower Slag of Hogwarts. "It's the first day back."

"Exactly why," He placed a hand on her waist, pulling her in slightly closer. "I want to see you. I've missed your magnificent tits all summer."

"I guess you'll just have to wait then," Willow responded coolly, taking his hand off her waist. "See you around, Davies." As she walked away, she became aware how dangerously close she had gotten to her brother finding out about her reputation.

She cursed internally before promptly coming face to face with Fred Weasley II. His freckled face and reddish hair made him the standard Weasley, but his mischievous nature made him the other half of James. The two were inseparable, from each other and from detention.

"Willow! My favorite Wood!" Fred immediately burst into laughter. "Have you ever gotten the wood jokes before like— "

"Yes, Fred," Willow couldn't help but grin at her teammate's silly antics. "I have." Her amused grin grew wider on her face. "Have you heard the news?"

"What news?" He cocked an eyebrow. "Roxanne, my dear twin, and the deadbeat she was dating cheated on her? Your best friend Taylor breaking my fragile heart? There's a lot of news." Willow grimaced at the Taylor comment, but she knew that was bound to happen. She hated to be a "told you so" type of person, but she had told Taylor from the beginning that relationships never work out.

"No," She rolled her eyes, extending the bronze badge pinned on her robes out further. "Look!"

"Yes, Wood, everyone knows you're the Captain, no need to flaunt it." James Sirius Potter had entered the compartment, his face uncharacteristically set in misery.

"No need to be jealous, Potter." Willow retorted. "I earned this."

"Yeah, so did I," He spat out. She shrugged and turned to leave.

"Well, I got chosen— over you."

Willow didn't really know why she added that last part and she almost regretted it until James said: "We all know Kang chose you because you screwed him on the last day."

Fred took in a breath, shaking his head while Willow paused at the compartment door. She turned around to look him straight in the eyes. Her widened eyes looked hurt, betrayed even.

The bloody eye contact, James cursed himself out internally.

"I thought you were above all of that, James," She said softly. Willow had always thought he didn't think of her in that way. Despite their rivalry, he'd always defend her from the gossip around her, the accusations of her being a slag. He never once called her that either, and he was part of the very few at Hogwarts who hadn't.

When Willow first got to Hogwarts, her reputation was built up as Oliver Wood's daughter, the girl who lives and breathes Quidditch. That, of course, changed when she got into second year when she gained a step-mum and the gift of puberty **.** By her third year, a new reputation was formed— Willow Wood, slag.

Comments about her Quidditch position ("Chaser because she chases every guy!") slowly turned into mild ostracism from the fellow students. It got worse before it got better, but her reputation still remained intact even after the four years.

"You probably shouldn't have said that last bit," Fred told James after Willow had left. "It's not— "

"— right to judge a woman on her sexual history because it normalizes viewing women as sexual objects and nothing more, implies men have ownership over her body." The two had been raised by women who made sure their sons weren't going to grow up to be sexist pieces of crap.

"I know," James said. "I just didn't know what to say. And you know she and Kang were shagging." He blew air out. Fred raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind. You're right. I know."

The two walked into the next few compartments to find Roxanne, only to find her situated with Emma Longbottom, Taylor Hart, and Willow Wood. James caught the tail end of their conversation.

"...stressing about it all summer. I'm glad you got it though, I wouldn't think of a better choice, and don't tell James I said that."

"I'm hurt, Roxy," The girls all turned their surprised heads to see James and Fred standing in our compartment— James dramatically acting like Roxanne shot him in the heart.

"You broke his heart, dear sister," Fred sang out before pretending to care for James' wounded heart. James faked a gunshot to the head while Fred let out an exaggerated wail.

"You two are ridiculous," Roxanne rolled her eyes, turning to face Emma Longbottom. "We're discussing whether or not Emma should get bangs or not. We need a male perspective." While Fred made a joke about bangs, James directed his attention towards Willow who was currently slumping along the train wall, staring blankly outside. He wanted to apologize, but he didn't know whether or not she was really hurt about it or she was thinking about something else. He never really knew with Willow.

He took the seat next to her and she looked at him vaguely surprised before turning back to the window.

Willow wasn't really sure why James had chosen the empty seat next to her, but she assumed that Fred wanted the one next to Taylor's so they could talk. Truth be told, she was more than peeved at him for essentially calling her a slag, she was hurt. But still, she was more concerned with Theo and how he was going to deal when he heard all the rumors about her.

"So, Willow," Roxanne said with a coy smile on her face. "What are you doing for tryouts this year?" Willow snuck a glance at James whose jaw tensed once Roxanne said that.

"Well, we just need a Keeper and a Chaser. Shouldn't be too hard to fill, right?"

"Is your brother trying out?" Taylor asked curiously. Willow shrugged.

"I mean, probably. I don't know if he's even going to be Gryffindor. Besides he's a first year, you know?"

"You were a first year," Roxanne pointed out.

"We were first years," James corrected. "And Theo's probably going to make it, seeing as he has your dad as a teacher and you as the captain."

"Are you seriously accusing me of nepotism?" Everyone in the cabin rolled their eyes, bracing themselves for yet another bickering argument between the two equally Quidditch obsessed hotheads.

"No, I was just saying, I mean, if I was captain and say, Lily tried out this year, I would— "

"Well, you're not." Willow glowered. "So." Instead of saying something stupid and furthering the fight, James shifted his eyes downwards and his weight towards the other side of the bench. Willow did the same.

Something wasn't the same in their typical relationship, they both realized. It's not like one or the other necessarily gave up in the competition, but it just felt like the captain position had hindered the ability for them to even compete. It was almost like the competition was over.


	2. A Potent Detention

* * *

Willow Wood was the absolute worst student when it came to Potions. Her potions always ended up rancid which made her subject to the Potion professor's ruminating hatred.

"Today," Professor Slughorn, who was about ancient now, croaked. "We will be brewing a potion that should, if brewed properly, make you entirely euphoric."

"Is my potion supposed to be green?" Willow asked to no one in particular. It was smelling rather potent and bubbling a dangerous amount.

She turned to Taylor whose potion was a bright yellow, no bubbling and with a sweet smell. She whipped her head to survey the rest of the class; the potions weren't all the same bright hue of yellow, but none of them were green nor were they bubbling.

James' potions, per the usual, was practically glowing and so was Slughorn.

"Brilliant, James!" The man loved the boy since his best subject was Potions. "Willow Wood, what have you made?"

Willow heard snickers bounce around the room, but she held her head somewhat high, used to it all by now.

"A potion," She stated proudly, happy that the students laughed at her response. Slughorn scoffed, "That is not a potion."

He got more laughs from the class than Willow did which pissed her off as she hated Slughorn and he hated her.

"I don't know," The girl coyly tucked a blonde strand behind her ear. "Why don't you taste it to see?" She extended the potion out to Slughorn and right as she pushed it straight up to his nose, the potion exploded.

It wasn't like it was an actual explosion. It wasn't even that loud or big, but it was big enough to crack the glass, causing Slughorn to jump back and Willow to drop the viall, which caused a loud crashing noise when it hit the ground and a Hufflepuff to scream bloody murder. Willow stared at the mess, mortified as her potion fizzed out on the floor, which appeared to be burning.

Needless to say, she reported to detention at six o'clock sharp.

Unfortunately for her, there was only one other person in detention and he happened to be David Davies.

Davies shot her a smile as she took the empty seat in front of him. She wasn't trying to avoid him but she didn't really want to interact with him.

Outside of the sex, he was kind of an arse. If she was being honest, even during their intimacy, he was still an arse in how he treated her.

"Glad to see you two here," Slughorn grunted as he entered the room. Willow groaned internally. Out of all the professors to chaperone the detention, they chose him?

"There's supposed to be four people here," He frowned. "Is Davies here?"

"Here." Davies raised his left hand, his right hand sneaking up to play with Willow's hair. She sighed, used to this behavior.

"Potter? Weasley?"

"Sorry Professor, we got a little held up." And just like that, her detention experience got ten times worse as Fred and James sat down in the seats across the row from hers.

Fred sent her a goofy smile while James looked at her and Davies, void of emotion.

He had been moody lately and not as boisterous as he had once been. It was obvious he was still sulking and he hadn't even looked her in the eyes since they were on the train together. This was strange for the two as they had always been friendly and conversational towards each other, if anything.

"Thank you for blessing us with your presence, boys," Slughorn droned sarcastically. "So, that leaves Wood...Wood?"

She barely looked up. "Okay, well, you troublemakers are in charge of grading these quizzes." He said, adding with an evil grin, "And try not to blow up any potions."

Fred and James snickered. Willow glowered. Davies breathed hot air down her neck. Slughorn took a nap.

"So, now that Slughorn's reached deep slumber, you wanna go back to my room? Or the Astronomy Tower, I know you like it there." She bristled as Davies' hushed voice entered her ear.

"We're in detention," Willow hissed, sneaking a glance at Fred and James who were blatantly eavesdropping, identical smiles plastered on their faces. "He's sleeping," He responded pointedly.

"Yeah, but..." Willow hated when her first refusal didn't work. "I don't want to get in any more trouble. I can't afford to get another detention and have to reschedule my team's tryouts."

Davies was the captain of the Ravenclaw team. Despite his poor morale in every other aspect of life, he respected an honest and fair Quidditch game so Willow hoped this would ease his persistence.

"We won't get in any trouble." It didn't.

Willow bit the bottom of her lip, shaking her head. "I don't want to risk it."

"Come on," He said more forcefully this time. His brown eyes bore into the side of her cheek as he waited for her to give in.

"I promise there won't be any risk to it." Before she could even say anything, he turned around to James and Fred. "Hey, if Willow and I leave for a bit, you won't tell Slughorn?"

"I never said I'm going with you," Willow told Davies. He sighed, now visibly annoyed.

"Willow, just fucking come with me." He got up, waiting for her to follow. When it was clear she wasn't going to get up, he began walking towards her, hand outstretched as if he was about to pull her up by the wrist.

"I'll be there in a minute," She said quickly. She felt almost ashamed of herself that her teammates were watching this unfold.

"Fine," Davies said, turning to leave.

"If Slughorn ever asks, would you please say I got my period or something like that?"

"Yes, ma'am," Fred saluted which made Willow smile, but only slightly. James looked deep in thought.

"Does that happen a lot?" Willow paused in her escape, turning back to look at James with a confused look.

He thought he phrased the question in a caring way, but judging how she narrowed her eyes and how Fred elbowed him, it was clear he just came off as rude.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way." James quickly said. He was more speaking to Davies' overall treatment of her.

"Like how you did on the train?" Willow retorted. She was a little surprised at James' recent attempts to bring her down in relation to her reputation Prior to her receiving the captaincy, James didn't seem to be affected by how everyone else treated her, his actions guided outside of what the Castle seemed to dictate.

In fact, the way he treated her was diametrically opposed to the way the students that called her "the Astrology Tower Slag" treated her. But she supposed that he probably always secretly viewed her in the same way they did. Something about that filled her with the weight of disappoint.

"I didn't mean that," He quickly said to her unconvinced face. "I really didn't. And I was referring to Davies. The way he was speaking to you, like," James did a poor impersonation of the Ravenclaw's faux intellectual voice. " _Just fucking come with me, Willow._ "

"Yeah," She said. "That's just how he talks to me." She didn't say this to be pitied. It had become normal to her since third year.

"That sucks," James said causing Fred to snort. He was never too eloquent, but he got his point across. "You told him no, like a billion of times."

"He knows I'll give in eventually," She said quietly. Her face had gone very red now. James didn't think he had ever seen Willow Wood as embarrassed as she currently was.

"I probably should go, he's been waiting a while."

"We could tell him that Slughorn woke up right after he left," He offered. "If you want."

"Yeah," Fred chimed in. "We're extremely trustworthy."

Willow knew Fred was half-joking, but she did trust them so she happily agreed.

Once detention ended, the three of them walked back to the Gryffindor Common Room, Fred and James joking around while Willow listened. It was a peaceful chaos and something about it all felt so weirdly new.

Once they got to the Fat Lady and rattled off the password, Willow was halfway through until:

"Wood, can you actually wait up? I, uh, need to talk to you."

Willow looked at James quizzically before obliging out of sheer curiosity.

There was a bit of silence before James ran a hand through his messy hair, practically blurting, "Look, I'm really sorry for what I said. About you and Kang. I mean, it was wrong of me to say that, sexist really. It's been eating me up ever since."

"And I know it doesn't matter if I didn't mean it, but I really didn't mean it." His voice trailed off as he became more aware of how vulnerable he felt. He had apologized loads of times before this, to loads of people.

With a mouth like his, James learned at a young age that apologies are necessary when hurtful actions occur. Yet, he hadn't felt this vulnerable apologizing to someone in a while.

"I wasn't thinking about any of the consequences or if it was even true when I said it, I guess. I just thought...I don't know. I'm sorry.

Willow had never received an apology from a boy before. She had, in some ways, like when Fred accidentally hit a bludger at her, but that was different than this kind of apology. She liked the way the apology felt, almost like she mattered. A weight she didn't know she was carrying lifted.

"Thanks." Although she accepted his apology, but she couldn't help but feel there was some truth in what he had said on the train.

* * *

Tryouts were the following day. Willow had the prospective team members run a few laps around the field while she surveyed their stamina. To show some solidarity, she made the current team members join in as well. The only one who didn't complain was James since he actually liked running.

"Keep an eye on Lily," He panted out as he passed Willow. "Nepotism, Potter," Willow called back to him. He stuck his middle finger out at her on his next lap and she laughed to herself.

"Yeah, fuck you, Willow Wood!" Fred tried to say, but he was so out of breath he barely got the words out so it sounded like "Ah...Fsss...you...Wi...!"

"Hear hear," Roxanne struggled to get out. Albus was the only team member who didn't join in on the teasing as Albus was just too nice. Willow thought it was quite humorous and coincidental that as of now, she was the only non-Weasley/Potter on the Gryffindor Quidditch team and so far, it seemed like another Potter was going to join as Chaser. Lily was leading the pack, running ahead strongly, plus Willow had seen her play before and she had to admit that the girl had skills.

Once the actual tryouts began, it was increasingly clear that Lily was going to be on the team. She had scored the most goals out of everyone and was the fastest flyer. And as for Keeper, it was looking like a fifth year, Cory McGregor, was going to the best of the lot. He needed some help, but Willow thought him as a hard worker.

"So, what do we think?" Willow asked the team eagerly. She couldn't help but smile, she had been dreaming leading a team of her own since forever. "Chaser would, I mean, indefinitely be— "

"Lily," Everyone responded in unison.

"Okay, glad we can all agree on that one," Willow said. "Next would be Keeper and I thought— "

"Margaret Han," James finished for her, Willow not taking to this kindly. "I mean, she was brilliant." Roxanne murmured in agreement.

"But she only blocked three of the six goals," Willow counteracted. "Cory McGregor, who I was going to name earlier before you rudely interuptted me— "

"Cory McGregor is an absolute clown!" James exclaimed with a snigger hidden in his astonished tone. "I mean, did you see the way he introduced himself?"

"Oh, please," Willow rolled her eyes. "You can't judge him on his attitude, his skills are what matters."

"That speaks to how he'll be with the team," James stuck his chin out, proud of his response. "Besides, Wood, you can't seriously think t that he is perfect for the team— "

"He blocked the most goals and he works hard." Irritation began to creep up into Willow. "He was pretty impressive," Roxanne said. "Consistent. Margaret was more showy with her blocks."

"And do we want that in a Keeper?" Albus mumbled, thinking out loud. "Why not," James added, not looking away from the intense staring/glaring contest he and Willow were participating in. He cursed her for having the eyes that she did because it was making it a lot harder.

"James sure doesn't mind that seeing how showy he is with his passes," Willow retorted, cursing James for having a smirk plastered on his face which was making it a lot harder.

"Oh, bugger off," He glared harder.

"Why don't you two just shag it out already?" Fred called out lazily, thus ending the staring contest and beginning the "Whose Face can Get Redder Faster?" contest.

"Fred Weasley the Second, professional idiot," James said, refusing to look at Willow in the face. "I still say Margaret."

"Well, we can do a vote," Willow said, also refusing to look at him in the face. "Who thinks Margaret?" Only James raised his hand.

"Traitors, the lot of you," He muttered, now even more embarrassed. "Whatever. Just know, when Cory walks onto the pitch, and acts a complete and utter fool, it is not on me."

"But when he costs us our first game, I will be the first to tell you I told you so." James scowled.

"Can't wait," Willow grinned. "I'll see you in your dreams."


	3. The Astronomy Tower Slag

* * *

Theo, much to Willow's surprise, was placed in Hufflepuff. She always assumed he was headed for Gryffindor, but maybe it was only an arrogantly Gryffindor-esque assumption on her part.

None of this mattered of course, as Willow didn't care which house he was in, she just cared about him making the Quidditch team. And after tracking down the Hufflepuff Captain in the Great Hall while he was filling his dinner plate with treacle tarts, Willow found out that Theo didn't try out for the team this year.

She then went on a wild goose chase to find her little brother at a rapid walking pace all around the castle until she ran into James, who always seemed to know where everyone was for some particular reason, mentioned he saw her brother on fourth floor.

"Why didn't you try out for the Hufflepuff team?" Willow asked him once she made it to the fourth floor. He clearly didn't seem to have any problems making friends as she had to weave through a thick crowd of first-year boys to get to him.

"Why didn't you tell me about your nickname?" Theo grumbled. Willow's eyebrows shot up. How did he find out so fast? She couldn't be surprised, but she was. She felt like she couldn't breathe all of a sudden, like her lungs were caved in and crushed or something.

"Who told you about that?" Her hands clasped at her throat as her voice grew increasingly pleading. "Who?"

"Whatever," Theo said sullenly, swiping his brown hair out of his eyes. "I don't care. I guess. Just wish all the boys would quit teasing me about it."

"Who is teasing you about it?" Willow asked again, this time her voice bordering on threatening. "And who told you?"

"No one in particular told me about it, Willow, I just heard about it." She closed her eyes. How was she so naive to think he wouldn't? Her reputation didn't just follow her around, it clung to every corner of the Castle and every student that it passed by.

**"** I heard someone mention that Davies had made the first go at the Astronomy Tower Sl - "

"Don't say it," She begged her own brother. "Please, Theo."

"Okay, I heard someone say _your nickname_ and then I heard your name afterwards and put two and two together." He finished. "Davies, he visited our house once, right?"

"...yeah." Willow said. He had visited one time over the summer when they were both bored. "I can't believe you know. I'm sorry."

"It's whatever," He said, but she could tell that it wasn't. "Theo," Willow reached out a hand but he sheepishly moved out of the way. "I've got to go," Theo said hurriedly. "It's really nothing."

"But— "

"Really," He insisted. "Just— it's kinda embarrassing to be known as _the brother_ , I guess. Sorry, I've got to go."

Although he assumed she wouldn't take it the wrong way, Willow felt as though Theo had just told her he was embarrassed to be her brother. She could not have felt worse as she walked back to her dormitory, feeling more defeated than the infamous Gryffindor vs. Slytherin game in her fourth year. She felt even worse than she had in her fifth year, when Tyler St. James posted pictures of her near-naked body all over the Gryffindor Common Room, right after Gryffindor beat Ravenclaw.

Her lowest moments were gut-wrenching, but nothing was as crushing as her own brother looking at her just like everyone else. She focused on her footsteps to keep from bursting into tears.

"Hey," Willow whipped around to see David Davies. He gave her a sideways smile before furrowing his eyebrows together. "You stood me up."

"Slughorn woke up," She lied. "Just ask James and Fred. I meant to tell you. Sorry."

"Can't say I forgive you," He pulled her closer into him so that he could whisper into her ear. "Unless you want to apologize in the Astronomy Tower."

Willow obliged, wondering what good was she even for besides this. Theo already knew her reputation. The damage had been done.

She knew Davies didn't actually like her, she wasn't delusional and neither was he. He knew Willow didn't get attached, she never did.

"She's a whore through and through," Davies had roared once in the boy's locker room when describing who Willow was exactly to his younger teammates. That's how Willow's reputation was formed— from word of mouth, most of it starting in the locker rooms.

At first, she cried herself raw when she found out what people were calling her. Then she just became numb to it. Boys paying her more attention when it served their needs and them pressuring her to have sex with them— it just became easier to give in.

Besides, Willow knew how true love worked. It didn't.

She had dated around in her earlier years and they all didn't ever love her as much as she wished they would. She had seen love fail in her father and mother's relationship; they were best friends in Hogwarts, had gone through the tumultuous and torturous obstacles all relationships go through, and when they finally settled down together, it just didn't work.

Her father tried again with several women and it never worked. Her mother had left when she was younger, now only communicating through letters, somehow more than her father did with her despite them living together.

It wasn't like she blamed them or hated them in any way. She knew they had lives to get to, but sometimes she found herself wondering how hard is it to apparate to see her play in at least one Hogwarts Quidditch match for just a few hours? She knew they didn't want to see each other ever again and she figured that was how love ends for most people.

So, she didn't mind the mindless sex, the detachment, the avoidance. She liked it better than actual relationships. She knew they all wanted one thing and she had grown to want it too.

It did bother her sometimes, when boys would tell her that her body was insane but she was used to her relatives saying, "Willow, you continue to grow in front of our eyes," or "Willow, you really filled out," or "I bet all the boys go crazy for you," through their increasingly tight hugs.

Sometimes, she couldn't help but wonder if that was really all there was to her.

"Bloody fucking hell!" Davies cried out in present time. Willow smiled from the ground, but only slightly. "You give the best head, Wood," He said as an afterthought while he zipped up his pants. "And you have the best rack in the grade."

"Thanks," She said because she never knew how to respond to comments like that. "What I mean is," He paused, giving her a rough kiss. "You're the best Astronomy Tower Slag there is."

He left, Willow still disheveled on the floor and knees hurting. If it wasn't for how Theo had dismissed her earlier or for her lingering doubts about why Kang chose her over James, Willow wouldn't have immediately burst into tears that she had been holding in.

Kang was the closest Willow got to a meaningful relationship; he'd flirt with her and that was it really. They snogged and then some after matches and she felt he did care about her in a way. None of that really mattered since he left the school now.

And then all Willow could think about was how, to anyone with common sense, she was truly and utterly nothing besides a body.

"Willow?" There was a rustling noise before her; James Sirius Potter was standing in the Astronomy Tower with a mini microscope in one hand and a cloak on the other. "Are you okay?"

Willow realized how bad it looked, her tear-stricken face and disheveled appearance. "I'm fine," She said hurriedly pulling up her robes and running a hand through her hair, her voice coming out more coarse than it normally was. "I'm totally...fine."

"You don't look fine," He frowned, walking towards her to get a closer look. "What happened? Did someone— "

"What are you doing here?"

James could tell she was avoiding his questions by asking him questions. She did that all too often.

"I like to explore the castle when no one is around and sometimes I like to look at the stars. Now answer my questions." He said in a matter-of-the-fact sort of way. Willow looked down at the ground before back up at him.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You're going to get caught being around the halls after hours," James said. He groaned inwardly, realizing how much of a Prefect he sounded like. "I have an invisibility cloak," He softened the tone of his voice. "It's just easier. We can share. It's pretty big. Fred and I use it all the time. Sometimes, Al does too."

"I guess," Willow said, getting up slowly, wiping the stray tears off her cheeks. "Thanks." He held the cloak over her as she stepped under the silverly cloth.

"Lumos," James said, lighting up his wand. He led the way back to the common room as she trailed behind him, sniffling every minute or so.

"I'm not pathetic," She told him even though she felt so pathetic with her sniffles. "I know," He agreed.

When they reached the entrance, James gave Willow a cautious hug and she accepted it. It wasn't one she got often; she felt enwrapped in a protective presence, comforting and safe. She really did appreciated it.

"It seems like you needed one," He said sheepishly, ruffling his hair. "I'm sorry for whatever happened tonight."

"It was stupid, really," She said. "It was idiotic of me to cry."

"It's okay to cry when you need to," His facial expression fell once he realized she was tearing up.

"Don't worry about it," Willow waved her hand. "It's really stupid, nothing terribly malicious happened to me."

"Okay," James nodded. "But, erm, Wood?"

"Yeah?"

"You deserve better than this."


	4. The Plan and The Truce

* * *

James was tired of listening to Fred talk about his breakup with Taylor Hart yet again.

"She broke up with me because I am too 'immature.' I mean, what does that even mean? She liked my jokes."

"Maybe she's trying to focus on her future. She's probably gonna be Head Girl next year if not Longbottom." James shrugged. Taylor Hart was a fun person herself, but school came before anything, that she made clear to everyone. It surprised him that Willow and his cousin Roxanne were so close with her.

"And she didn't think I was part of that?" Fred's face now looked hurt. James sighed, not knowing what to say. He had never been the best at relationships himself.

For the most part, James had a few relationships within his years at Hogwarts— Louisa Walsh, Hannah something (he forgot her last name), and Aalia Reddy. They were, in a word, nice.

His mother went crazy over Louisa and Aalia because they were so well-mannered and mature for their ages. The only problem was that James never felt quite satisfied with it; they would either break up with him or he would. And it wasn't very intense relationships, they talked about surface level problems and that was about it.

He had casual flings every now and then, but James was a relationship type of guy. He liked the security of it and he was too jealous to do the whole casual fling.

"I don't know," James shrugged. "You know me, I don't really do well with my relationships."

"You do fine enough," Fred grumbled. "There's never any drama when you break up."

But that was because there was never any drama to begin with. He brought two of them home with him for the holidays but he had never really ever loved one of them deeply. Maybe he cared about them and loved them in a way.

But not fully. There was always something holding him back.

"Why don't you ask her what it means?" Fred spluttered in indignation while James went back to focusing on the play he was writing. He didn't know why he was bothering writing plays since he wasn't the Captain, but he assumed Willow would be open to using it if he showed her.

"Actually," Fred paused after a moment. "Not necessarily a bad idea, hold on." He craned his neck around the common room before landing his eyes on where Taylor was sitting in deep conversation with Willow.

"Oi, Willow! Come over here, would you?"

Taylor's eyes narrowed before she sent them back down to whatever book she was reading, Willow walking over suspiciously to the table where Fred and James sat.

"What?" The girl looked much better than she seemed to be the other day James found her in the Astronomy Tower.

"Why did Taylor break up with me?" Willow let out an amused sort of scoff before shaking her head. "I mean, where do we start?" She was only teasing, but Fred didn't laugh.

"I'm being serious," Fred muttered darkly. She realized he wanted a real answer so she took a seat down next to James. He gave her a small smile before turning back to his playbook.

"I don't know," Willow said. "You know me, I don't really do well with relationships."

"That's so bloody weird," Fred said, gaping at James. "That's what he said about himself only minutes ago." Both Willow and James turned to stare at each other briefly before looking away. They had meant it in different ways, but it was true that they were freakishly similar.

"What has she said about me?" Fred asked.

"I can't say," She shook her head. "Trust me, I barely can— Potter, is that a playbook?"

James immediately pulled the playbook underneath the table, hiding it from her. "You don't get to see it, Wood," He said defensively.

"Come on," She prodded. "I'll show you mine."

With the promise of seeing hers, James pushed his book towards her to which she poured over all at once. After a minute or so of scanning, she whipped her head back up. "You're insane."

James' eyes glinted with amusement. "It'll work, though."

"A lot of acrobatics," She said. "Brilliant, though." James smiled triumphantly. He liked hearing her praise his handiwork for some peculiar reason.

"You guys are too alike," Fred sulked. "Suck at relationships, get excited over stupid plays, and ignore my problems."

"And this one?" James pointed to a specific page. Willow looked over it once and back at him and then back at the page.

"You write these plays solely for people who can bend their bodies into triangles."

"It's what I do best."

"Just continue to ignore me," Fred wailed. "Ignore me! I don't mind at all. Not me, ol' Fred. I don't mind. I'm Fred, I don't mind."

"You should form a team of acrobats."

"Actually, I already have one on the side— "

"Poor little Fred!"

"Alright!" Willow snapped turning to face the redhead. "I can't tell you exactly what she has expressed recently, but I guarantee if you ask her to Hogsmeade, she will probably say yes."

Within the next day, Fred and Taylor had already set a date for the first Hogsmeade weekend.

* * *

Although James and Willow were experiencing a record number of sharing good moments together, those moments were nestled in between the many angry and rage-heavy fights they had during Quidditch practice.

Besides, the good moments weren't particularly new to them; James had always been courteous to Willow when he saw she needed it and there was always an unspoken camaraderie between the two when they were playing together.

But the bad moments were what they were more accustomed to. Hexes were never involved, just a bunch of violent yelling.

"ONCE AGAIN!" Willow's voice was practically loud enough to be heard throughout the entire Castle and then some. "I AM THE CAPTAIN, POTTER!"

"AND ONCE AGAIN!" James' voice came back even louder. "I CAN STILL HAVE OPINIONS, YOU TYRANT!"

"I'M THE TYRANT? THAT IS RICH! OH, THAT IS RICH COMING FROM THE LIKES OF YOU, POTTER!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? HOW AM I— " James took a moment to catch his breath, his face red with anger. "— A TYRANT?"

The new members of the team, Lily and Cory, stared in the same manner— eyes wide and mouth dropped.

"You'll get used to it," Roxanne reassured them. "It's really no big deal anymore, just part of the practice dynamic now."

"The sexual tension," Fred added. "is particularly thick today." Once those words were uttered, however, the fight escalated or rather, diverged into disgusting threats the two threw at each other.

"I'M GOING TO SHOVE YOUR WAND UP YOUR ARSE SO FAR THAT IT'LL COME UP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"

"I HAVE HALF A MIND TO HEX YOU UNTIL YOUR LIMBS SHATTER OFF AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO BE— "

"JAMES SIRIUS POTTER, WILLOW WOOD!" The two paused in the middle of there fight to see that their Headmaster was right there, looking at the two in bewilderment. The typically gentle-natured man looked as though he had ran frantically from his office down to the pitch.

"My office now."

They both turned to each other and said at the same time, "This is your fault!"

* * *

"So I've been getting noise complaints," The headmaster said solemnly. "About your practices."

"Well, I can explain— " Willow started to say when James cut her off.

"Neville, please. Quidditch is a loud sport."

"James," Neville smiled slightly. "What have I told you about calling me Neville at school?"

"Potter, you continue to interrupt me even when we're not on the field." Willow's anger was enough that she completely ignored the fact that they were in the Headmaster's office to discuss their behavior. "You're an utter arse."

"Well, you know what, Wood?" James was now pushed back into an angry state as well. "You don't let me speak or have any control over the team— "

"That's because I'm THE CAPTAIN!" Willow's voice went up several degrees of aggressive so that the end of her exclamation sounded like she was just growling.

"Yeah, BUT— "

"But nothing!"

"Ha, you said butt!"

"Shut the f— "

"Willow, James," Neville sighed like he was dealing with two toddlers. "I'm doing the talking here."

"Sorry, Headmaster," They both rattled off the chaste apology.

The former Hogwarts student looked at his former friend's children in wonder. They both reminded him of their mothers. James was so similar to Ginny in his liveliness and quick-wittedness. Willow reminded him of Katie Bell in ways that he had forgotten Katie used to be before the necklace incident. Willow had something to her, the now Headmaster of Hogwarts settling on spunk as that something.

"You two need to learn how to work together during your practices. While I know in the past, there have been arguments, I can sense that this year the arguments have gotten, erm, louder."

"It's only because Captain Wood," James mocked. "won't let me add any of my suggestions without throwing a fit."

"Well, Potter won't let me even finish my sentences," Willow counteracted. "It's exhausting, Headmaster. I mean really. I can barely lead a team meeting without him butting in, adding unnecessary commentary."

"You said butt again." James smirked, looking very proud of himself for noticing this.

"Okay," Neville frowned slightly, not knowing exactly what to do. "I need the two of you learn how to work together a little more peacefully, and while I do understand the captain position may have caused a rift— " James tensed in the seat. "— I think you two both have an intense passion when it comes to Quidditch. Alright?"

"So we don't get detention?" James asked.

"Well, no. But you two did display an incredible array of obscene language so I am taking twenty points from Gryffindor, each."

"Each?" Willow blurted. "Headmaster, that's— "

"And if the two of you further this behavior, you will both sit out the first match of the season."

"NEVILLE!" James' eyes bugged out. "That is bloody insane!"

"Then make it work," Neville said curtly. "And James—"

"Yes, Headmaster, I know." James rolled his eyes.

Willow shifted in her seat. She had told her father and her mother about her first match as the Gryffindor's captain and both had said they would try to come (separately, of course.) It'd be the first match her father would ever see and Willow had a feeling that he might show up this time. She had to get along with James, there was no buts about it.

As the two left the office, James saying "Bye Neville!" and the Headmaster shaking his head, Willow racked her brain how she would suppress the urge to clobber James with a sharpened Beater's bat.

"Listen," Willow sighed defeatedly. "I want to win the match and that can only happen if the both of us play. Truce?" She stuck out her hand hesitantly and James stared at her with hardened eyes before shaking it. They both had rough calluses that scratched each other's palms.

"I'm sorry," He said. "For not letting you finish your sentences, I just..." He took a slight breath and Willow realized that James was nervous. "I just really wanted to become captain. And it sucks that I won't ever get to be captain and well, it sucks and I guess me giving my opinions all the time is just me trying to feel like I am captain. It was selfish of me."

His ears turned bright pink immediately as he ran a nervous hand over his hair.

"I'm sorry for not letting you talk," Willow said, taking in the feeling of the second apology she got. She wasn't used to them at all, really, and she had never been great at apologizing. "It was selfish of me, too. I guess I've been holding onto the captain position so tightly since I got it because..." She hesitated before finishing her sentence. "I mean, you were probably right about the Kang thing."

"What?" James scrunched his face into an astonished sort of look. "Don't be ridiculous. I said that because I was bitter, it was a dumb thing. There's no truth to that statement whatsoever."

"I know, but I just feel like, I mean, we were probably tied in how much we care and there had to be something that pushed me ahead of you and I guess it was— "

"Wood," James said slowly. He himself had been going over and over why he wasn't picked to be captain and he had figured it was because he hadn't presented himself as a particularly responsible person to the Hogwarts faculty. He knew Kang wasn't the reason and wished he had never said that, seeing how Willow seemed to cling to it as fact.

He didn't know why his words seemed to have such a strong effect over her. "It wasn't just Kang who made the decision, you know. The Headmaster has to approve it and go over with it with the professors." He couldn't bring himself to tell her that she deserved it despite him knowing she did. He just felt that he also deserved it.

"I was jealous. You," He cleared his throat. "As it kills me to say this, you deserved it more than me."

"Yeah, but," Willow said. "I can't help but feel like you deserve it, too."

"Well," James didn't really know what to say. "This sucks."

"Yep," Willow sighed, resting her back on the wall. "You know, if I didn't get it, I would've gone insane. I don't know how you're managing."

"Me too," He said dryly. "I wanted it so bad since first year."

"I needed it so badly," She muttered. "Don't get me wrong, I've wanted it since first year too, but last year, I felt like I needed it. It's the dumbest thing, you know? I actually thought that if I was captain, no one would call me the Astronomy Tower Slag again, it'd be Willow Wood, Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain." She scoffed. "I'm always going to be the Astronomy Tower Slag, even when I die."

"You'll become a ghost at Hogwarts, haunt all the students that cross the Tower," James said, laughing slightly. "Headless Nick will invite you to the Ghost Parties."

"I'll finally get revenge on Peeves with my ghost powers," Willow added, but she wasn't laughing. She stared at the ground hopelessly.

"If it makes you feel better," James stuck his hands in his pockets, not sure how to make her feel better. "You've always just been Wood to me."

"I know," She said. "It's why I can actually trust you despite everything."

"You trust me?" James' eyebrows shot up. "Really? Even with the fights and pranks and all that?"

"Yeah, of course," Willow smiled slightly. James had always liked when she smiled. "You took down those photos, remember? I knew I could trust you after that. Not that I didn't before."

"Well, it was the right thing to do. Tyler St. James is an arse. Always has been."

_The right thing to do._ Her face suddenly went blank. Then her eyes glimmered with excitement. "I have an idea!"

"An idea?" James asked, clearly not following as Willow sprung up, pacing back and forth. "I mean, it's a dumb idea and it sounds like bloody torture for me, but it's _the right thing to do._ "


	5. Co-Captaincy, Day One

* * *

Neville had actually agreed to Willow's inane idea, James could not believe it. He was over thrilled of course, but still, he couldn't believe that it was Willow's idea and the fact that Neville agreed for them to co-lead the team.

"Say hello to Gryffindor's newest co-captain," He boasted to his cousins as he took his seat at the end of the Gryffindor dining table. They would always eat breakfast together as a large family at least once a week or so.

"No bloody way!" Roxanne and Fred's jaws dropped identically. "There is no way Willow Wood agreed to that," Albus said, cleaning off the lens of his glasses. "I mean, she would never - " James smirked to himself as his cousins started bickering over whether or not James had gone mad.

"I mean, he's smiling like a crazy person," Lily pointed out. "But that could mean he's just laughing at us for believing him," Dominique said while taking bacon off of Louis' plate who was taking off a piece of muffin from Hugo's. "Right?"

"If it is true," Roxanne shook her head. "I cannot begin to understand how Willow would've agreed to it."

"Well you lot clearly don't know Wood because it was her idea," James was now beaming at this point, triumphantly piling his plate with eggs. Roxanne and Fred's jaws dropped identically once more.

"Has Willow Wood gone mad?" Lily wondered out loud. "I mean, this is - "

"Madness!" Albus finished for Lily. The typically quiet boy was now turning his head to look for Willow and the rest of the clan followed suit. She was sitting at the Ravenclaw table today with Emma Longbottom and Taylor.

"Willow, the entire Potter-Weasley family is looking at you," Emma said in a panicked sort of tone. "Very strangely." Willow looked up from her breakfast of fruit and granola to see that, indeed, the entire Potter-Weasley family was staring at her, very strangely.

"That's peculiar," Willow commented, taking a spoonful of the granola. "It's probably because Potter and I are now co-captains. Does this granola have pecans?"

"WHAT?" Emma and Taylor were now staring at Willow very strangely as well. "Willow, what?"

"The granola," She repeated, avoiding the real topic. "It has pecans or something. I hate pecans."

"Willow, don't ignore the fact that you just said James Sirius Potter is now co-captains with you, I mean, what the hell?" Taylor's eyes were practically bugged out now. "You - how did this even happen? You two are going to murder each other to the ground!"

"Were you forced against this? Was it my father? I can speak to him immediately if you want," Emma offered, very concerned with Willow's well being.

"It was my idea," Willow said casually. "Can one of you try this granola? It's bugging me now. I can't tell if it's a pecan or walnut. Either way I hate both." Taylor and Emma just stared in disbelief.

"Do you think she noticed us looking?" Roxanne asked.

"Eight people were just blatantly staring at her, I think she did," James groaned. "Obvious buggers, the lot of you."

"This granola has pecans," Fred spat it out. "Hate pecans."

* * *

The first practice with Willow and James as co-captains went surprisingly smoother than expected. A small spat here and there, but mostly playful bickering between the the two.

"You guys are brilliant," Willow told the team as they entered the locker room. "Keep it up for the Slytherin match, alright? We want to start the year strong." Everyone was slightly sweaty despite the fall's biting wind starting around.

"That was a good practice, Wood," James concluded before walking into his respective locker room. Willow practically skipped her way into the showers.

"You're awfully chippy," Roxanne commented when they were getting dressed.

"Well, practice went a lot better than expected," Willow said. "Best practice yet, really."

"I was surprised you came up with the idea," Roxanne commented. "I mean, you and James working together is actually great, clearly, but never would I ever imagined that sounding great on paper."

"Yeah, how did you?" Lily added - she and Roxanne shared a brief moment of knowing eye contact. "I don't know," Willow shrugged. "Just seemed like the right thing to do." Willow paused in front of the mirror for a minute, taking a deep sigh at her appearance.

"I'm starving. Do you guys remember the entryway to the kitchens?" The girls shook their heads.

"You know," Roxanne elbowed Lily, giggling slightly. "I bet James does."

"Oh, you don't say." Willow said, not paying attention to their giggles, still looking at herself numbly. She sometimes forgot that she existed outside of Quidditch. Whenever she was reminded of _who_ she was outside of Quidditch, she fell disappointed. This reminder hit her harder today.

Staring at her reflection, she noticed the scar on her right wrist. She had gotten that scar in her third year but she didn't want to think about how - it was somewhere along the lines of her being known as the Astronomy Tower Slag and her being treated as if she had no agency.

All of this brought her back to thinking about Theo and how he had held her at arm's length when they had spoke.

He had avoided her in the halls, now. She had waved to him and he simply looked past her outstretched hand.

"What are you doing over there?" Lily asked, looking at her curiously. Willow's cheeks flushed.

"Nothing," she said. "Nothing at all." Lily looked as if she was going to say something, but Willow immediately bid the girls farewell, heading up to the dormitories.

"Hey," Taylor greeted her. The tall girl was sitting crossed legged on her bed, short dark hair mussed and dark circles underneath her eyes as she poured over a Transfiguration textbook.

"I'm studying on how to transfigure your eye colour. Ever imagine how I'd look with blue eyes?" Willow barely lifted her head. "How was practice?"

"It was good, really," Willow said, her raspy voice cracking with every word. "Well, it was actually perfect."

"Willow, what happened?" Taylor now rushed over to Willow's side, looking at her with intense concentration. "Did James say something? What - "

"Theo found out," Willow choked out, fighting the tears that clung to her eyelashes. "And he hasn't spoken to me since."

"Come here," Taylor wrapped Willow in her embrace while the blonde cried into her best friend's arms.

* * *

James Sirius Potter was not oblivious to his cousins' gossipy, harpy, and meddling ways. He knew they were already setting up plans for him and Willow to get together and telling everyone who would listen that he had a major crush on Willow.

Truth be told, James Sirius Potter always carried a torch for the girl since second year, but that didn't mean he fancied her, he just cared about her. His crush on her was very small and harmless and he had been somewhat aware of it for a while, but he didn't _like_ her.

She was Wood, for Godric's sake. She was his competition and now his co-captain. That was really all there was.

After what felt like the hundredth time of him denying that he liked Willow Wood to Fred, Willow herself skipped into the common room, smiling with pure bliss.

"What's with her?" Fred asked Taylor. The three of them were seated on the couch, doing their Charms essays together. It was mostly James and Taylor doing the work and Fred copying off of whoever had the better ideas.

"Her dad's coming to the match," Taylor said.

"So is mine," James looked up from his Potions homework, frowning slightly. "And my mum."

"Yeah, but her dad has never gone to any of her matches before," Taylor said this like it was a known fact. "It's a real big deal to her."

James hadn't realized. He always assumed most parents went to at least a few of their children's games, but then again, all parents weren't his parents. Then something else it hit him.

"OLIVER WOOD IS GOING TO WATCH ME PLAY!" James let up from the sofa to announce this to the whole common room. This soon registered in Fred's head as well and the two jumped up to complete a celebratory thrash or dance, depending on perspective, around the room.

"Oliver Wood is going to watch me play!" Fred sang out while James waved his body around the room energetically.

"What is going on?" Willow stared at the chaos unfolding from the top of the stairwell. Fred and James hooted loudly.

* * *

The Slytherin vs. Gryffindor match could not have come any faster. Everyone was on their last wits end, Willow suffering the most out of everyone.

She was stressed for a multitude reasons: 1) It was her first match as captain. 2) It was the first match of the season. 3) It was the first match her dad would ever see. 4) She just wanted to win.

"You need to eat," Roxanne told her as Willow picked at her fruit and granola.

"I can't," She said. "I think I'm going to pee myself. I'm being dead serious, Roxy." The girl made a face. "Just don't pee when you're up in air, okay Wood?"

"You won't pee or throw up or whatever," James assured Willow. "We're going to crush this game." The rest of the team nodded in solidarity. Willow ate a bit of her breakfast after that.

Soon, the team all made their way into the locker rooms, waiting for the pep talk from their captains. Willow wanted so desperately to peak out at the stands to see where her dad was sitting, but she knew she couldn't break her focus like that.

"Ready, co-captain?" James asked, nudging her gently in the side with his elbow. "Of course," She said, elbowing him back. "Alright, team! We better bring our best game today. It is crucial we win this match against those idiotic gits."

"Hear, hear," Lily said, looking at Willow with admiration.

"We have to be in this a hundred percent. Unfortunately, those idiotic gits improved tenfolds. So, don't let anything stop you from being aggressive, okay?" James added in.

"You lot are absolutely brilliant. We've worked our arses off since school started and then some. Slytherin always have a few tricks up their sleeves, so watch out for the bludgers and keep your focus in the game." Willow affirmed. "Now, let's go out here and win this thing." The team all cheered, giving each other high fives before storming out.

"Ready, Potter?" Willow arched an eyebrow as they walked out with the team. Their names were announced together. As much as both thought they would hate to hear it, their names sounded good together. ("Co-Captains of the Gryffindor Team, it's Willow Wood and James Potter!" Jacob Mansfield announced loudly).

"More than you think, Wood," He kept his eyes focused on the field. Willow looked in the stands for some sight of her dad but there were too many faces for her to tell. "Hey, Al," James teased. "Wave at mumsie and dadsie!" Al excitedly waved at them, not understanding that James was only making fun.

"Do you write to them to come?" Willow asked with a small part of curiosity. His parents went to almost every game, even with their busy schedule. "No," James snorted. "Why would we do that?" Willow looked at him in envy. She still couldn't make out her dad's face. Maybe he's late, she thought wistfully.

"Looking for someone?" James asked. She couldn't see her dad. It wouldn't be the first time he bailed, but it certainly would be a disappointment. She thought it'd be different this time since she was captain now.

She looked for Theo next.

"Can't quite find my brother or my— "

"The Slytherins are coming out now!" Fred hissed with distaste, cutting the two's conversation short. Once the game started, it was clear Willow was off her game. It wasn't like she was hurting the team completely, but she was looking at the stands every few seconds.

"Wood is off her game," Jacob Mansfield commented. "Bugger off!" Willow shouted at him as James shot her a "Get it Together" glance.

"Obscene threats from Wood— wait! She takes the Quaffle, she's going fast, lighting fast— Merlin, she's faster than the snitch and— SHE SCORES!"

Willow sniffed at the Slytherin Keeper, Grant, and his outstretched arms that the Quaffle had just passed. She needed to get back into the game.

Win, win, win, she repeated to herself, but win seemed to transfigure into dad, dad, dad. She took one more glance and then—

"Wood, watch out!" Thankfully, she had quick reflexes, rolling out of the way of the Bludger coming towards her.

"Wood," James now sounded annoyed, his voice a warning to her to get back in the game.

_Win, win, win,_ she thought and soon, she had snatched the Quaffle from whoever had it and was rushing her way to the goal post.

She was being a little bit of a Quaffle hog and definitely wasn't working with the rest of the team. She was angry, playing against no one but herself and forgotten about all the plays.

At the break, Lily and James, but mostly James, aired their grievances of her erratic, selfish playing, but Willow was, once again, staring at the stands. "What is so interesting about those stands?" James snapped.

"Nothing, erm, Al, go for the snitch," Willow said. She turned to face her fellow chasers. "I'm sorry. I remember the plays, I do."

"You wrote them," James grumbled.

"And I remember them, it's just— never mind. Let's go."

Willow played true to the plays they practiced this time, but still, her eyes were more in the stands than they were the game. She refused to believe her dad didn't show up, again.

"Great pass from Potter sibling to Potter sibling to Wood — will she catch — She caught it just in time! She's throwing it, it's going — GRYFFINDOR SCORES!"

"Wood," James said through gritted teeth as he flew past her. "Pay some attention to the game!"

It was an easier game than they expected, but still, James felt the missing camaraderie that used to be in the team and it was clearly because Willow wasn't paying attention. He didn't understand why she was so distracted on this match out of all the matches to be.

"ALBUS CATCHES THE SNITCH— GRYFFINDORS WIN!"

The team should have been joyous, but there was obvious tension as they flew down from the sky to celebrate.

As they entered the locker rooms, sweaty and panting, no one made any move to congratulate each other.

"What," James paused before swerving around to look at Willow. "was that?" She refused to make eye contact with him, turning her back towards him, head down.

"I'm really sorry," She said. "I'm sorry."

"Willow, what happened out there?" Lily asked more gently.

"Nothing, really," Willow shook her head.

"Nothing?" James' voice was sharp and biting. "Nothing? Wood, that was not nothing, you nearly cost us the whole game out there and all you can say is nothing? What was so bloody interesting about those stands?"

"I said I'm sorry," Willow whipped her head around, glaring at James. "Okay?"

She had tears in the corners of her eyes and down her face.

"I know I nearly cost us the game, I'm sorry. I completely was being selfish. I'm sorry to let the team down. I didn't mean to do all that, really, I let my emotions control the game. I just— I really wanted my dad here today."

And with that, Willow burst into tears, rushing into the showers to avoid even looking at her teammates' reactions.

* * *

James felt like an absolute dickhead. "She's up in the room," Roxanne informed him at the Gryffindor celebration party. "She's just lying in her bed and staring at the ceiling."

As much as James wanted to get piss drunk off a couple of firewhiskeys, he knew he had to speak to her.

"Willow," He knocked on the door. "Willow, can I come in?" No response. He took that for a yes.

When he opened the door, he saw exactly what Roxanne had described. The poor girl was laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, her blonde hair limply hanging by her red cheeks and body covered in an oversized green t-shirt that read "The Magic Neep: The Greenest Groceries You Can Find." He had never seen her more vulnerable before, looking as weak and fragile as she did now.

"Go away," She muttered. "I don't want to hear about how badly I screwed up today."

"I wasn't going to say that," James said. "I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry. I didn't know that's why you were upset and regardless, I shouldn't have been so harsh. We all have off days. And I didn't think to even think that it was your dad that — Well, it's just that I never really think of it."

"Your parents show up to every single one of your games," Willow said slowly without lifting her head up.

"Every single one. No letters reminding them. They just show up. And they hug you and kiss you once its over. And they drop you off and pick you up from the train every single year. You get everything, James. Absolutely everything. Even the captain position."

It was rare for Willow to call him by his first name and James didn't like that she did, especially in this context. It felt abnormally stranger-like.

"It was your id— "

"I know it was my bloody idea," She said emotionlessly. "Theo didn't even show."

"I'm sure he— "

"He found out about my _stupid fucking nickname._ " Willow turned on her side to finally look at James in the eyes, hazel eyes to brown eyes. "I kept looking at the stands because I thought one of them would show up. Every time I looked over, I'd get disappointed again and again and I still kept looking. I'm an absolute idiot. Say it."

James felt there was something so much more to what Willow was feeling besides sadness, but he didn't feel he had any of the tools or knowledge to help her. She looked so empty and he didn't know of what.

"I'm not going to say that," James muttered. "I'm sorry you are feeling this way, I really am."

"I'm sorry for screwing up the game," She whispered, closing her eyes slightly. "I am."

"Willow," James started towards her. "You don't have to apologize." Willow looked up at him, confused why he used her first name.

"Why'd you call me that?" She asked.

"Because that's your name, isn't it?" He said simply. She nodded.

They both were aware of the shift in their relationship and were not sure what it was, only that it had been building up for a while. What it could amount to felt powerful, even during the buildup.

Before leaving, James turned around, inhaling sharply before saying the following:

"You deserve better, Willow. You really do."


	6. The Giant Fanny in Hogsmeades

* * *

Fred could barely contain his excitement on the ride over to Hogsmeade. James wasn't too excited about losing his best mate to a girl for the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, but he found himself a date so he wouldn't be too lonely and would at least get a good snog in.

Her name was Emily Jameson with brown hair that went midway down her back and always pushed back with a headband. She had helped James in Transfiguration and he had successfully transfigured her eyes from hazel to blue. He had asked her after that and she had cheerfully agreed.

"Hello, James," Emily greeted his, her headband was black today. She had done something special with her eye makeup, but James didn't look long enough to figure out what it was. "Hi, Emily," He said back, raising an eyebrow. "Where to?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go to Madam Puddifoot's and maybe afterwards, Honeydukes." James had frequented Madam Puddifoot's with most of his dates, but he despised it every single time. He only put up with it because he knew it'd make whichever bird he was taking out happy. "Alright, then," James took her hand and they made their way to the pink teashop.

Within the second tea that James had slurped down, Emily was talking about something one of her friends did the other day and he was trying his best to listen.

"And then Naomi completely lost it and Trewelaney was so confused, she couldn't find an explanation for her behavior! She tried to look at the stars, but nothing!" Emily giggled through her hand, taking a quick sip of her Earl Grey.

"That's a laugh," James said without laughing. "Erm, how is the Quidditch going?" Emily asked, sensing James' disinterest.

"Oh, it's going well," He responded, excited to talk about something that actually, well, excited him. "Brilliant, actually. We won our first match, I don't suppose you heard." Emily laughed, nodding her head. "It was a little disorganized, unexpected, but wasn't in my control really. Wood and I are going to get the team to win the Cup, we're hoping. We just have to beat the Ravenclaws. The Hufflepuffs are an easy win always. No offense."

"None taken," Emily, a Hufflepuff, said with a slight smile. "How is working with Willow Wood? I was in Charms with her last year and she would spend the entire class sketching little plays on her parchment paper. Drove the Professor wild."

"Well, she's just as obsessed with Quidditch as I am." James smirked. "Possibly even more, considering who her father is. We row quite a bit, but we work well together."

"Hm," She tapped the edge of her teacup. "I don't think the two of us would work well together. She's just too..." Emily scrunched up her nose. "She's too wild."

"You don't say so," James muttered, rolling his eyes internally. Five teacups down and one long pee later, the two made their way over to Honeydukes, Emily talking about something that James wasn't listening to.

"What do you reckon to buy at Honeydukes?" He asked.

"Oh, probably the Sugar Quills," She said. "Can't leave Hogsmeade without at least one Chocolate frog as well. What about you?"

"I rather like the Jelly Slugs. You wouldn't mind if we stop by my uncle's shop before?"

"Oh," Emily blanched. "Weasley's Wheezes?"

"Yes," James grinned widely. "Can't leave Hogsmeade without going, you know?"

"I suppose so," She muttered. Once they entered the shop, James immediately made a beeline towards the counter. "Uncle George!" He shouted. Then he saw his goofy uncle, engaged in a conversation with Willow Wood in the aisle labeled "Candy?"

"Well, she's in Egypt right now," Willow was saying while picking up an Acid Pop. "But she's probably coming back to see me before the New Year's, but you never know."

"Tell her to stop on by the shop," George said with a mischievous grin. "Hello, Jamesie Wamsie. Who is your lovely lady this trip?" Emily got huffy all of a sudden. James frowned, not knowing why. "This is Emily, Georgie Pordgie. She's a Hufflepuff. I turned her eyes blue the other day. Hello, Wood."

"Potter," Willow nodded. "Hi, Emily." Emily barely smiled.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" George asked.

"We're going to Honeydukes," Emily spoke up, grabbing James' hand. "I want to get some Chocolate Frogs and James wants the Jelly Slugs."

"Oh, how funny," George's eyes were twinkling now and James didn't trust his uncle's meddling facial expression. "Willow here was just saying how much she loved the, erm, the - what were they again?"

"The Sugared Butterfly wings," Willow offered. "Very crunchy." James made a face.

"That sounds utterly disgusting, Wood."

"Better than the Jelly Slugs."

"Everyone eats Jelly Slugs." He stuck out his chin. "I bet you like the Cockroach Clusters."

"Well, I don't mind them," She stuck out hers as well.

"James, I'd really like to get to Honeydukes before they close." Emily glowered.

"Oh, of course," He said. "Wood, you want to join us?" Emily huffed once again. Willow looked at her cautiously before shrugging.

"I mean, as long as I'm not imposing. I'm not, right?" Willow looked at Emily when she said this.

"Of course not," She said through gritted teeth. "Shall we?" James took her hand, Willow trailing behind.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about Cory," He said, turning to face Willow as the three of them continued walking. "Ready to admit I was right in choosing him?" She said with a triumphant smile.

"No, Wood," James rolled his eyes. "I mean, he's good at blocking and all, but he has way too many blind spots that shouldn't be blind spots." The two went on talking about Quidditch for the rest of the way to Honeydukes, Emily not saying anything the whole way and growing increasingly irritated with both of them. Once they reached for Honeydukes, she pulled James aside.

"You know, I think I'm going to meet up with my friends after this," She said, a scowl plastered on her face.

"Oh," James mussed his hair. "Okay. Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Emily looked at Willow who was marveling over the butterfly wings then back at him. "I'm sure. You seemed a little busy." James, not aware of what she was so upset about, twisted him mouth to the side. "Could I kiss you goodbye?" Emily obliged as, if she was going to get anything of this date, it might as well be a snog from James Sirius Potter.

"It appears that my date wanted to leave early," James said as he walked over to Willow. "She was upset about something."

"Hm," Willow sniffed. "You wanna pay for my butterfly wings, Potter?"

"Why not?" The two made their way out of the store once everything was paid for. "Where to next?"

"Well," She bit her lower lip. "I don't really have anywhere to go. I normally browse with Taylor but she's - "

" - with Fred," James finished. "Same with me, just vice versa. Where have you been so far?"

"The Magic Neep and your uncle's store," Willow shrugged.

" _The Magic Neep_ ," James said in a teasing sort of way. "We eat healthy because of my dad," She defended herself. "Where have _you_ been so far?" He turned red.

"Madam Puddifoot's," He muttered and Willow erupted into laughter.

"That place is like a giant fanny," She giggled and James couldn't help but join in.

"Willow Wood, you've got a dirty mind," He said with fake astonishment, draping an arm around her shoulders as they started walking to wherever their next destination was.

"What can I say?" She looked up at him, smiling widely. "I'm the Astronomy Tower Slag."

* * *

Willow Wood was James Sirius Potter's first kiss.

They never talked about it, but he was. He remembered this fact after they got on the train back to Hogwarts after Hogsmeade.

The two were walking towards the train, James had been mindlessly running a hand through his hair when Willow interrupted, swatting his arm, looking at him pointedly.

"It's a force of habit, Wood," He said, trying to act serious but a small smile formed. "Let me be."

"But your hair was fine and now it's all messy," She said. "Lemme fix it," James swerved while Willow playfully jumping around to reach his head. "Come on!" She pouted. "It's bothering me now." James grinned widely and kept their little game going. "Not gonna happen, Wood."

They continued walking, Willow complaining about the strand of hair that poked up until James spotted Taylor and Fred, stopping to wave at them. Willow took it as an opportunity to fix his hair which she did almost successfully, if it wasn't for the playful chokehold James met her with.

"You bitch," Willow said while James gave her noogies, the two giggling like two first years drinking for the first time. Taylor both raised their eyebrows at the body language of the Gryffindor Quidditch captains. It got cut short when Fred cooed:

"Aw, I take it the first date went well?" The two immediately spread apart, James letting Willow out of his grip, Willow straightening up, fixing her hair.

"You're talking to us?" Willow asked, turning to see if there wasn't some other couple near them.

"Who else?" Fred smiled, raising his eyebrows suggestively towards James. "How was it?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" James quickly retorted. "Come on, let's grab a compartment," Willow added to change the subject. When they took their seats, Fred nodded towards James' arm which had draped over Willow. His ears turned bright pink.

Truth be told, James didn't think much of it at the moment— it felt natural. And Willow didn't make anything of it, James had always been a flirt and she had always been somewhat of a physical person.

"Shut it, Fred," James muttered, leaving his arm there. "I didn't say anything," the redhead said with a devious grin. "You two didn't answer my question. How was the date?" James rolled his eyes.

"Ignore him," He said to Willow who was staring at the floor very intensely. James was about to ask her if she was okay when Fred interrupted his thoughts.

"Did you two have your first kiss?" He dramatically splayed a hand up to cover his mouth with the excitement of a first year girl. "Was it everything you dreamed of and more?"

Once he said that, James and Willow both felt their hearts stop.

Their first kiss happened second year and funnily enough, happened because of Fred's teasing. "Did you know," Fred had announced in the Quidditch locker room. "Jamesie Wamesie here has NEVER kissed a girl before."

"No bloody way!" Willow's eyes had widened to devious saucers as she let out a cackle. "Potter? Really! Never?"

She looked at James with a look that he very much despised. She was thirteen then, and had snogged a lot more than one guy.

"Just his mum," Fred cut in. The locker room soon filed out, leaving Willow and James and her teasing.

James became less embarrassed and more frustrated and so he slammed his locker door shut, turned around and kissed her quickly. She had been so shocked, but she still kissed him back. "James!"

He remembered how she squeaked, calling him by his first name.

"Now," Willow remembered how he smirked. "You can't make fun of me, Wood."

James had always carried something for Willow after that; a protectiveness and care for the girl. It wasn't that he fancied her, he just paid her attention when she needed it.

She was his first kiss and that meant something to him, even if it didn't to her.

He stole a glance of the girl now on the train and she was also staring at him intently. They both looked away at the same time.

Willow was overwhelmed with anxiety after Fred's teasing and now the memory of their pre-pubescent kiss. Their Hogsmeade time together didn't feel like a date, but then again, Willow had never really been on a date-date.

Besides, James just had that magnetic charisma to him that made it seem like he was always flirting.

She didn't think it was actually a date. But still, after Fred had said that, she couldn't help but think.

And now, she was thinking about that kiss in the locker room, how James' kiss came out of the blue but still felt like she had somehow been secretly waiting for it. She wasn't going to act like she didn't ever have a crush on him like all the second year girls did that year, but it was short-lived.

Willow knew the kiss probably meant nothing to James, but she remembered it. It was something to her, whatever the something was.

Third year was a strange year for her, she was growing up too fast and the boys she dated didn't treat her like a thirteen year olds should be.

He gave her back her childhood with that one kiss.

James was one of the few boys that treated her like a person, not a body. He never made comments about her and would always catch her after class to make sure she was okay after someone in class would make a snide remark about her.

He'd defend her, too. Since first year, they'd fight viciously, but never in a way that actually harmed one another. After she got hit on the head by a bludger in second year, he brought her a bag of candy from Hogsmeade. In fourth year, he had gotten in a fight with Joshua Walters for calling her a slut. And in fifth year when Tyler St. James had posted of her nudes all over the common room, James had took them down wordlessly.

"Do you want me to hex him?" He had asked.

Thinking about all of this, Willow felt a flutter in the depths of her stomach. She inwardly cursed herself— she was realizing at this moment that it wasn't just possible that she fancied James.

_She fancied James Sirius Potter._

On one hand, she enjoyed her friendship with him. On the other, she didn't want to ruin it by dating him. And on both hands, she didn't ever want to date anyone really.

Willow knew how love worked, it didn't work for people like her. She didn't deserve a boy like James. She wasn't his type— she wasn't an Emily Jameson.

Everything inside her was telling her to run away from him and hide before anything else could develop.

James took another glance at her as she fiddled nervously with her hair. He saw her everyday, but whenever he looked at her, really looked her, he would be surprised at how beautiful she really was.

Deep down, he was aware of his inkling of a crush on her since their first kiss. But it wasn't one that kept him up at night, left him tortured and never-ending. It was just small. He felt it grow a little bit more every time he really looked at her and by now, it was getting to the point where it was larger than a crush.


	7. She's Menstruating!

* * *

James decided his best bet was to invite Willow to be his date for Teddy and Victoire's upcoming wedding.

"As friends," He quickly added when he saw the look of confusion on her face. "Obviously." Willow felt somewhat disappointed at that, but ultimately relieved and she accepted against her better judgement.

"I reckon you fancy her," Fred declared with a slight furrow in his brows, trying to decipher James' reaction.

"I don't," James denied, feeling incredibly guilty for lying to his cousin and best mate. "She's Wood."

"Yeah, she is," Fred raised his eyebrows suggestively. James rolled his eyes. "That barely made sense." Soon enough, all his cousins were chattering about James and his date to Teddy's wedding.

"It's not a big deal," He assured Lily who was bouncing up the walls when she heard the news. "We're going as friends. Nothing more than that, nothing less."

"Oh, hush," Lily waved him off. "I know you fancy her, I see the way you look at her during practice. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you are completely head over heels for her." James groaned.

"Lily, please."

Even Hugo, the quietest and least nosy of them all had dropped in to congratulate James on "finally landing the girl of his dreams!" What was Fred even saying to these people, James wondered. They were making it seem like it was James and Willow's wedding rather than Victoire and Teddy's.

"They're insane," Albus told James after he confided to his brother how their cousins were driving him crazy. "I know you aren't in love with her or anything."

"Thank you," James huffed.

"But I know you do fancy the pants off of her, since third year probably," Albus added. "Admit it."

"Not you too!" Albus simply shrugged. "I'm just calling what I'm seeing."

Meanwhile, Willow was busy convincing her own self that this was nothing. He doesn't even fancy you, she told herself. And if he did, you don't fancy him. Yet.

She found herself that night with David Davies once again, this time in his empty dormitory. As she walked back to her bed, completely raw and numb to it all, she wondered why this new feeling for James had to happen.

It wasn't like she wanted it to happen and she couldn't control its start. She could, however, try her best to suppress it.

Willow was a baby when her parents split up "amicably." She was five when her mother and father got back together and five when Theo was born. She was six when she saw her mother break down crying in front of her father, telling him that she was "holding on for dear life."

Her father had looked at her with a look of nothing else besides devastation plastered on his face. Their love had been so intense that the breakup was too. They couldn't even look at each other in the eyes afterwards.

"Then let go," He had said.

The next day, Willow found her mother packing her bags. Katie Bell gave her daughter a tight squeeze and cried when they said goodbye.

Willow didn't, but she did later when no one was watching.

Katie sent her letters every week, but then they started to dwindle out as she got older. Soon it became every other month.

Willow reckoned it hurt too much for her to write. Willow was just a reminder of the relationship that she was still mourning.

"I guess it's just you and me and Theo," Her dad had said that day. Really, it was just her and Theo.

When her dad married and then divorced her step-mother, she told her words that stuck with Willow forever.

"I'm going to give you some real advice," She said through tears. "No one is going to want to crush your little girl fantasies, but here's the thing, dear. Love doesn't come easily to girls like you."

"I'm saying this for your own good. I can see how badly you want to be loved by your dad, it's embarrassing. Stop it before you destroy yourself."

Willow was so mad about it at first, but then she realized she couldn't be mad. Her ex-stepmom was right. Willow had been embarking on short-lived relationships with boys all throughout her third year, doing whatever they wanted her to do, just waiting for the moment they'd love her.

But it never happened. They only wanted sex.

The only boy who told he loved her was the seventh year she had lost her virginity when she was 13. He was the one who gave her the scar on her wrist. She tried to think about him as little as possible.

There was a piece of her that was torn out when her parents divorced and she was left forever wondering why she wasn't enough to keep her parents together. Soon, she rationalized that it was just in her nature for people to leave her. She was just missing a piece of her that would make her lovable.

Willow knew she wasn't James' type, but she could feel that he wanted something beyond sex which scared her. She figured he was confused and would later figure out that she wasn't worth a relationship.

Besides, they were sixth years. It wouldn't last the summer.

When the two met the following day after dinner to go over plays and strategies for the next game, Willow felt a new tension between them that had never been there before.

Their arms, which normally would brush against each others' naturally, were now stiff poles, Willow refusing to let hers go near James. She was on guard, her walls brick and set. James didn't comment on it, but Willow knew he picked up on the change in her.

"Well, what you were saying about Cory," Willow began. "You have a point. He's got blind spots and they're all too obvious and they shouldn't even be blind spots in the first place."

"Exactly," James said, reaching over her playbook to grab a Quill and, in the process of doing so, his arm touched her shoulder and sent a chill up her spine. Willow jerked out of the way.

"Sorry," They both muttered at the same time. "Erm," James' eyebrows were scrunched up as he scratched his head, confused at the sudden awkwardness. "If we move Ginny this way..."

"Why not?" She said hurriedly. I am kind of tired, Potter. I might just head up right now, actually. You wouldn't mind, yeah?"

"I..." He frowned. "I guess not. I'll see you tomorrow, Wood." Something was wrong, clearly.

James wondered why she was trying to avoid spending time with him, but he could only assume it was the wedding that freaked her out.

As Willow got ready for bed, she told herself that she just had to behave normally around James. Avoidance couldn't work this time, so distraction, she decided, could work just as well.

She made her way to the Ravenclaw dormitories where Davies slept, once again.

* * *

James had been using the Prefect's Bathroom ever since Albus became the Prefect and told, very reluctantly, the passwords to Fred and James. Of course, now as Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch, he didn't need to harass Albus about the passwords.

"Well," James announced to the Gryffindor Quidditch team after a particularly long and grueling practice (the last of many before the snow came in). "I am going to take a long bath in _the_ coveted Prefect Bathroom. Don't need your help anymore, Al."

"It doesn't make sense why the Quidditch captains get access to it," Albus complained bitterly. "I mean, it's called the Prefect Bathroom for a reason and it ruins the quietness of it with you and the other Quidditch captains always splashing about. You guys are brutes."

"What do you mean the Quidditch captains get access to it?" Willow asked incredulously.

"You should be receiving the passwords," Albus said. "The heads tell you them weekly." Her face went blank and then it lit up. She was confused why Carl Hopkiss had been coming up to her and saying things like "giraffe's neck" very secretively.

"You didn't know?" Roxanne laughed. Willow shook her head.

"All this time, I could've been using their lavender bath salts and the scented body lotions and the hair products - the hair products!" Willow was now ecstatic, jumping up and around the locker room. She gave Albus a kiss on the cheek and a sweaty, rushed hug.

"You," She said. "are a fountain of knowledge!"

"I was the one who led Albus to telling you that," James complained. "I deserve the praise." The two had gone back to normal after that one awkward brainstorming session. Willow had been seeing Davies among other gentlemen (gentlemen was putting it very generously) more and more frequently and had thrown herself into Quidditch, making it a lot harder for her to think about James.

"Potter," Willow rolled her eyes. "You didn't tell me about it for the three months we have been co-captains."

"I assumed you knew!"

"Why would you assume she has any knowledge of what goes beyond boys and Quidditch?" The entire team turned to see the Slytherin captain, Kylie Grant, staring at them venomously in the frame of the general locker room door, her teammates behind him.

"Bugger off, Grant," James sneered, stepping up to come chest-to-chest with Kylie as the girl was just as tall as the six foot James. "Still sore from getting annihilated by us? I keep relieving that moment when Fred hit that bludger at you."

"No," Willow said, placing a hand against James' chest. "She's right. I have nothing beyond memories of you falling off your broom every single match and screwing your brother's brains out last summer." Kylie's face turned sour as Lily, James, Fred, and Roxanne all yelped with amusement. "She got your ass, Grant," Cory chimed in. Even Albus was laughing.

"Whatever, Wood," The Slytherin girl managed to choke out. "We have the field now, so you lot better move your arses out of this locker room right now."

"And I will take mine to the Prefect's bathroom," Willow quipped to Roxanne.

* * *

Willow was confused. She had never been in the Prefect's Bathroom and she had always assumed they had separate bathtubs. But instead, she just saw one giant bath that looked more like a pool.

"It's a one person at a time sort of situation," James' voice came out of nowhere and Willow nearly jumped out of her skin, letting out a short shriek. He laughed at her reaction slightly before saying knowingly, "You're supposed to lock the door, Wood. Lucky I came in when I did because it would've been a lot more awkward if you were starkers."

"Oh," Her cheeks flushed. She still felt somewhat vulnerable in front of James despite that she was clothed. "I thought the Prefects were secretly freaks."

"Participating in Prefect orgys," James cracked. "You can go first, I'll just use the regular showers - "

"No, it's fine," Willow shook her head. "You can go ahead, I'll just go to the regular showers."

"You haven't used these before, it's only fair."

"Oh, alright," She resolved. "Thanks."

"It's only fair," James repeated again. They shared a smile before Willow quickly broke it, moving her head downwards immediately. It was that awkwardness again, James realized. "You alright there?" He asked. She nodded, still not looking at him.

"Erm," James bit his bottom lip before straightening up, sticking his hands in his pockets sheepishly. "Listen, Willow, if the whole wedding thing is what's making you act so weird around me, you don't have to go. You can tell me." Willow looked up at him now, very surprised. She had thought she had done a pretty good job of making things normal around them, but one moment ruined that. She cursed herself for a second before nodding her head. "Okay."

"Okay?" James repeated. "Willow, was it something I did? Or said? You're acting awfully distant towards me and I thought cancelling the wedding thing would resolve that but clearly..."

"I'm not mad at you, really," She said. "I swear."

"Then what is it?" His voice was frustrated and strained now.

"It's kind of hard to explain." James was so confused how Willow could be so bold in front of Kylie Grant but be so meek right now.

"Try me." He raised an eyebrow. She shook her head. "I can't."

"You're pushing me away," James said. "I think I deserve to know why."

"Well, I just - I - you can't!" Willow's face reddened as she turned away from James sharply. "You just can't. I'm sorry, but you can't."

"You can't just treat me like I did something wrong and then not tell me what I did - " Before he could finish his sentence, Willow racked her brain for what possible explanation she could make up and then blurted: "I'M ON MY PERIOD!"

James' ears went quite pink as he stammered, not sure what to say. Willow, satisfied that her fake explanation worked, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She wouldn't have known what to do if he didn't believe her.

Her period, James thought. Of course!


	8. Running, Running

Winter came almost as quickly as Willow put her walls up. The snow covered the Quidditch Pitch which filled her with dread and sadness since Quidditch was one of the few joys she found at Hogwarts.

"It's why I hate the bloody snow," She complained to Emma who innocently asked her to make a snow angel with her. "But yeah."

The two spent an embarrassing amount of time making an embarrassing amount of snow angels. She felt at peace, almost.

Smack.

Something icy and hard hit her arm. Willow knew who threw the snowball before she even turned around to see.

"JAMES SIRIUS POTTER, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Another one hit her on her other arm. "FRED WEASLEY, YOU TOO!"

Soon enough, the four were engaged in an intense snowball fight. Emma, who could never hurt a fly, showed impressive strength and spirit when it came to this fight, pleasantly surprising Willow.

The snow felt crunchy under their feet, but it soon turned slippery. With one particularly giant snowball thrown at her, Willow had slid on her back, laughing maniacally with her socks soaked and ice in her sleeves.

She looked up at the sky, which was surprisingly blue and clear, and felt that feeling of peace once more.

"Wood, you okay?" James came into her view, blocking part of the sky, his warm brown eyes looking at her with concern.

"Just peachy," She said. "Did you throw that giant ass snowball at me?"

"Nope," James said too quickly and Willow knew he was lying. "Help me up?" She smiled sweetly, eyes twinkling.

He extended his hand, Willow taking it gratefully, and pulled her up. His eyes fell on the exposed skin on her wrist and Willow realized he saw her scar. She smashed a clump of snow over his head.

James shook his head, letting out an evil sounding stream of laughter.

"You're going to get it," He declared and she bolted away, James chasing after her.

The two of them had seemed to forgotten that they weren't the only two in the snowball fight. As Willow raced through the snow, she felt almost euphoric, like she was invincible.

She wasn't even thinking about her definitely possible maybe crush on James, all she was thinking about was how the wind felt on her exposed skin and how it felt to have blood rushing through her cheeks and—

"AH!" Willow and James crashed into each other, tumbling into the powdered snow together.

It hurt, Willow realized as she laid on the ground, her sore limbs entangled with James. It wasn't an excruciating, burning type of pain, but she knew it was going to bruise.

Strangely enough, Willow wasn't thinking about how close their bodies were and how it made her feel inside. She was instead thinking about how weirdly light she felt. Like a balloon.

She let out a giggle.

"Ow," James moaned, pulling his knees to his chest, forming a ball of sorts. "Damn." Willow kept giggling.

"Do you hear that?" She asked suddenly. "It's like..."

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." James mimicked.

"Exactly!" Willow tried to get up to face James, but instead, a wave of intense nausea came over her entire body. "Oh," She choked out. "Oh, Godric."

"Hm?" James was confused but he couldn't find it in him to lift his head to see what was going on with Willow. He wanted to but he just couldn't seem to do it.

"You two lovebirds," Fred announced. "took off so fast, poor Emma and I— whoa." James could barely focus on Fred and Emma and Emma's twin.

Only Emma didn't have a twin.

"They don't look right," Emma said. James squinted, trying to decipher which Emma said that.

Willow was still hunched over on her side looking entirely grim.

"Ithinkimgonnahurl," Willow mumbled before throwing up all over the snow.

* * *

"The two both have mild concussions," Madam Abbott, Emma's mother, told Fred and Emma. "They'll get over it in a week or so."

"But for the time being," She directed this towards Willow and James. "Stay out of the bright light, get some rest, and take this— " She held up a clear pink bottle. "— daily. Don't go involving yourselves in anymore snow ball fights."

"You two are bloody idiots," Emma sighed, shaking her head towards them.

"It was fun while it lasted," Fred sighed. James turned to smile goofily at Willow which made her laugh in return. She was actually thankful for the concussion.

She hoped it would take her mind off of stressing over whether or not she liked James because it would empty her head of anything to think of. Besides, Willow had gotten good at suppressing her emotions, with or without an concussion.

"I'm the King of Concussions," Fred boasted to James and Willow as he gleefully "chaperoned" them back to the common room. "Being a Beater and all, a few Quaffles and Bludgers and broomstick handles have gotten through little ol' Fred's head. And since both of you are concussion virgins, let me enlighten you."

"Fred, maybe we should let our brains rest," James interrupted.

"Well, of course, that's concussion rule numero uno," Fred started to say, but James held a hand up. "What I meant to say is," James rubbed his temples. "Shut up."

"Jeez," Fred still continued talking up until they reached the end of the walk.

By that point, the potions had kicked in and their movements had become lethargic. So much so, that Fred could not push them up to their respective rooms.

Instead, he dropped them off in the Common Room. They laid on the couch, slumped into the cushions.

"People are in class anyways," He reassured them, giving the two sloppy kisses on their forehead. "I kissed your bird before you did, Jamesie!" He squealed as he ran off, knowing James could not run after him.

"Shut up," James' voice came out slurred. "Hey, Wood?"

"Yeah," She said. "What's that thing on your wrist?" She knew he was talking about her scar.

It wasn't noticeable unless you were close up to her— then it became shockingly obvious, a jagged line of white discoloration.

"It's...scar..." The medicine appeared to be working faster on her as she could barely keep her eyes open.

"Quidditch?" She heard him say as her eyelids gave in. There was an overall urge in her body to shutdown and succumb to the darkness.

"No," She murmured. "Bob...by..."

If she had stayed awake, she would've heard James say "Who...Bobby?" But she had fallen asleep and when she woke up, she was in her own bed.

* * *

When Willow came down for breakfast, she was greeted with cooing noises from Roxanne and Fred. "What," She took a seat across from Roxanne, "are you lot going on about today?"

"The lovebirds," Fred declared, "have been reunited." Willow scrunched up her nose, still not understanding what they were referring to. "I have no idea what you're talking about," She said, grabbing a piece of toast. "Seriously."

"You and our dearest cousin James." Roxanne supplied before Fred could. "You two looked so cute yesterday."

"Our concussions were cute." Willow stated flatly, buttering the toast now. It wasn't spreading the way she wanted because it was all solid and cold which she hated.

"No, silly," Taylor added. "The way he was holding you."

"Literally no memory of that." Her eyebrows were furrowed as she tried to melt the butter with her gaze.

"That's a pity because it was so cute," Roxanne gushed. "We all came back from classes and you were sleeping on the couch with him and he was holding you like— " She tried to imitate with the nearest person near her who was Emma. She blushed as Roxanne extended her arms around her.

As Willow feigned coolness, James sat on the other end of the table with his siblings who were also teasing him about his crush. He had been watching her butter her toast with anger.

"You're staring at her," Al hissed. Lily followed James' gaze. "She looks really pretty today," His youngest sister said, noting how her dark blonde, nearly light brown hair was piled on the top her head. "I like her hair like that." She turned to look at how James' reacted, as if she was looking for an admission of liking Willow Wood.

"Her butter's not warm," said James.

"Erm, what?" said Al.

"James, just admit you love her," said Lily. "You totally fancy the pants off of her!"

James simply laughed.

"A bit dramatic, don't you think?" He grabbed a packet of butter off Al's plate and closed it in his palm. "Watch and learn, kids."

"What're you gonna say?" Lily asked, sounding almost indignant for some reason.

"I'm gonna say Al wanted a muffin."

"I don't _like_ muffins!" Al scowled, mad about his butter being taken. James made his way to the other end of the table. Fred gave him an all-knowing look as Roxanne threw her arms around Emma for some reason.

"Huh," Willow said. "Must've been the potion or something."

"Yeah, that potion was merciless," James said. Willow looked up sharply, not having noticed his arrival. He stood behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Her cheeks begin to colour. "Not to eavesdrop," He added even though he totally meant to. "I'm just getting a muffin for Al. They ran out at the other end of the table."

"Oh Al," Fred sang out. "That muffin loving boy."

"I thought Al hated muffins," Roxanne said. James shot her an unimpressed glare.

"No, he loves muffins," James lied. "He hates mittens. You must've gotten the two mixed up, Roxy."

"Oh," Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I must've. Albus hates mittens." She directed this to Willow who wasn't really paying attention to the conversation. She was staring at her plate blankly, pretending not to be affected by James' presence. But as he reached for a muffin, his arm brushed against her shoulders and she was unable to stop her cheeks from going completely red.

"Your butter hasn't melted," James pointed out to Willow. "Yeah," She said. "The toast is too cold for the butter."

"Here," James tossed her a packet of butter. "Warmed it up in my hand." His gift was a small gesture but a thoughtful one. "Thanks," She said, making direct eye contact to which he responded with hardening his own eyes. Fred raised his eyebrows.

James walked back with a smirk plastered on his lips. His siblings didn't make one comment about Willow— they made many.

"What'd she say?" Lily immediately said. "Did she say anything?"

"Did she buy the muffin excuse?" Al asked. Their eldest brother just gave them an all knowing look which drove them insane.

"Just tell us what she said," Lily demanded as Al asked, "Did you get me a muffin at least?"

"This is for me, I thought you don't like muffins!" James exclaimed.

"Well, you offered!"

As the Potter siblings bickered, the Weasley twins continued instigating.

"I think Willow might have a crush," Roxanne sang while Fred harmonized with "Wood has Wood for someone!"

"Shut up, Fred," Willow muttered. "I don't."

"Willow likes older men," Taylor defended her friend. That was a longstanding joke between her and her friends since she only admitted her crushes when they were on much older guys. They hadn't made reference to this joke in a while and quite honestly, Willow didn't find it funny anymore so she changed the subject.

"So who carried me to bed? I figured it was either Roxy or Taylor."

"No," Roxanne frowned. "We all didn't wanna wake you two up. I figured you went up by yourself when you woke up."

"Oh," She said, frowning. "I guess I forgot or something."

What really happened was that James woke up first, around the middle of the night. He had seen Willow on the couch, sleeping with her hair spread out and drooling. She was so cute, he thought as he picked her up to take her to her room.

He, as his sister said, totally fancied the pants off of Willow Wood.

* * *

* * *

The holidays came soon enough, marking the end of classes and the start of existential dread on Willow's part. She felt betrayed by her own self for saying yes to the wedding, especially seeing as her feelings for James seemed to grow exponentially even when she had been successful in avoiding him. She kept these a secret, but she knew her friends could tell.

"It's gonna be so weird," She admitted Taylor and Emma on the train ride back to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, panicked fully. "I could say that I don't want to go because I won't know anyone there, but— "`

"That's a bold faced lie," Taylor finished for her. She was going with Fred. Besides, Willow knew the entire Weasley-Potter family anyways. She was pretty sure her dad was invited as well.

"Taylor, you have no idea how weird it'll be." Willow moaned. "I mean, like..." She didn't know how to express her dread while omitting her actual feelings for him. She lowered her voice to a hushed whisper, looking around the empty compartment. "I feel weird around redheads."

"What?" Taylor laughed. "Are you serious? Why?"

"Why not?" Willow said, raising her eyebrows. She realized how ridiculous her lie sounded, not to add unbelievable. "Not to be ginger-phobic but, it just creeps me out."

"Okay..." Emma shot Willow a suspicious look.

"You know, my mum is meeting me and Theo today," Willow quickly changed the subject.

"How exciting," Taylor said, even though she knew Willow's mother was a touchy subject after she visited. Willow typically turned into an emotionless robot after her mum's visit ended. "Has Theo, you know, said anything?"

She shook her head which made her friends give her sympathetic looks.

"It's fine," She said. "I think I got used to it. I don't know. He's gonna probably be sad after mum leaves. He always thinks every time is different, like she and my dad are gonna get back together. And even if they do, their relationship inevitably, like all things do, it'll end and they'll end up completely and utterly crushed for the rest of eternity."

"Bold statement for someone whose about to attend a wedding," Fred said and both girls jumped up, Willow letting out a short yelp. Fred, who was accompanied by James, looked at her completely confused.

"Sorry," Willow flushed. "I've been jumpy lately."

"On your period?" James mumbled, smirking slightly.

"What the fuck, Potter?" Taylor was looking at the boy in great disgust and it was his turn to flush. "It's an inside joke," Willow offered while James took the seat next to her.

Taylor sent Willow that look.

"So, Willow and I were discussing the wedding," Taylor said, Willow shooting her that other look. "We're excited."

"Never been to a wedding before," Willow said. James looked at her very seriously. "Do you really believe that?"

"Believe that I've never been to a wedding before?" He shook his head, flushing again.

"No, no," He said. "The whole relationship thing."

"Oh," Willow pursed her lips. "Yeah. I mean, it wasn't about Teddy and Victoire. It was about my mum and dad."

"Willow is the most cynical person I know," Emma informed James and Fred. Willow shrugged. She didn't say much for the rest of the ride, letting Fred, James, and Taylor talk for most of it.

Once the train ride ended, Willow immediately went to find her brother outside the train with a group of first year boys who giggled when she walked over. He looked up at her with a blank face, grabbing his suitcase with him.

"Hi," Willow waited for him to respond. "Hi," He grumbled. "You're so bloody weird."

"You're the one that's been avoiding me," Willow retorted. "Besides— "

"Wood!" James emerged out from the throng of Potters and Weasleys who were all hugging and exchanging their expressions of love. "Wood!"

"Sorry," She rolled her eyes, pulling Theo with her. "Hey."

"Hey," He smiled. "Just wanted to say bye. Is this your brother?"

"Theo," Theo said. His face lit up, Willow noticed with jealously.

"James," James said. The two shook hands. "You know your sister is mad, right?"

"Damn straight," Theo laughed. Willow glared at James pointedly. "Hey, I'm just playing around, Theo understands, right?"

"Yeah," Theo nodded excitedly, happy that one of the most popular boys in Hogwarts was talking to him.

"Hey, can I talk to you in private?" Willow asked suddenly, a bought of courage taking over her. James nodded. "Theo, wait over here for me, will you?" He nodded, bouncing his floppy brown hair.

"Well, I just wanted to say..." Willow was originally planning on telling him she couldn't go to the wedding, but standing in front of him, facing all six feet of James Sirius Potter with his warm brown eyes and eager smile, she couldn't bring herself to push him away. "Should I wear a certain colour for the wedding?"

"Oh, shit," James furrowed his eyebrows. "Hasn't really crossed my mind. I reckon there's a colour tie I'm wearing that you could match, but I don't remember." He paused and then a smile took over his face.

"Hey, why don't you wear white? You look real angelic in white."

"It's a wedding, you idiot."

"Joking, you idiot." The two smiled goofily at each other for a second, then James said, "Well, I'll see you in a few, Willow."

"Yeah, I guess so," Willow smiled halfway. James pulled her into a hug that she wasn't really expecting. "Well," James' ears were slightly bright as he knew his entire extended family was watching him interact with Oliver Wood and Katie Bell's daughter. "Bye."

Willow walked back to her brother who didn't say a word, but he was deep in thought over his sister and James Sirius Potter.

"Mum's back," Willow told Theo. "Received a letter yesterday."

"Where are we meeting her?" The two knew that their mother strictly avoided their father whenever she came back in town.

"Wand's End." It was a casual lunch/coffee shop that the three frequented together when Katie was back. "Typical." Theo said nothing in response.

"Are you and James Potter dating?" He asked after a few seconds had passed.

"Oh, Godric, no." Willow shook her head so profusely she felt like her concussion came back. "No, I don't even date, Theo."

"Then how come everyone calls you a slag?" She blanched, turning to look at her younger brother.

He was only twelve, resembling his father more than Willow did. He had his eyes, dark brown and slightly hooded. His hair was darker than Willow's, too. But the two had the same splash of freckles around their nose.

He was so young, she realized. Yet, at the same time, she felt like he was growing up too fast for his own good.

"Because I don't date," Willow said. "And I'm an easy target."

"My friends all tease me whenever you walk by," Theo muttered. "It's really embarrassing."

"Then you understand how I feel," She said softly. "The students at Hogwarts can be really cruel, Theo. Really, really cruel."

"I'm sorry," He said. "For ignoring you."

"It's fine," She said. "I get it. But thanks."

"I didn't think about how I was affecting you," He said. "But I should've. I wish I went to your first game."

"You shouldn't," She said. "I was a mess because dad said he'd come and he didn't."

"Isn't that what always happens?" Theo said lightly. Willow laughed. "Yeah," She said. "How come you didn't try out?"

"I don't wanna play," He said. "It's not my thing."

"Not your thing?" Willow acted as if he had shot her. They continued on talking until they got back home, their relationship feeling normal again.

* * *

Katie Bell had always looked young for her age. But somehow, it was like she didn't age since the summer when Willow saw her last. Her mother's strawberry blonde hair was piled up at the top of her head, pale blue eyes sparkling and decorated with dark lashes. Her mother had always been the most beautiful person to Willow.

"Willow, Theo," Katie said when she saw them enter the coffee shop. She gave them the special kind of hug that they only got once a year when she was visiting. "I've missed you." Once the three got settled, she smiled widely and leaned in like she was going to tell them a secret. "I've brought gifts." She said. "From France."

"Wicked!" Theo exclaimed. Katie handed him a wide-ish box while handing Willow a white paper bag. "Yours is a dress, his is trainers. Probably best not to open it here. How have you two been?"

Theo and Willow practically ran over each other's sentences, fighting for their mother's attention like a pair of six year olds. The two had never really gotten the chance to behave like a typical six year old and being back with Katie was really the only chance they had.

"How's the Quidditch captaincy going?" Katie directed towards Willow. The two had started sending letters to each other more frequently again, but Willow had completely forgotten to fill in her mother about the co-captaincy.

"She's leading it with James Sirius Potter, mum," Theo chirped up. "I reckon they fancy each other."

"Shut up, Theo," Willow's cheeks turned red. "We don't. We're just friends. Barely."

"Harry's son?" Katie gaped. "You know, I actually played on the team with Harry, we all won the cup, too!" Her expression suddenly turned dark and Willow knew her mother was thinking about the captain of that team. Willow suddenly became increasingly aware of how early her mother's love started for her dad. Willow could not let the same happen to her.

"Yeah," Willow continued. "I think we can win the cup this year."

"That's amazing," Katie said, a soft smile returning to her lips. "You're probably a great captain."

You'd know if you went to my games, Willow wanted to retort, but she couldn't bring herself to. When she and Theo arrived home with their presents, their father instantly knew.

"You saw your mum?" Oliver Wood asked, already knowing the answer. "Yep," Willow said. "She brought us gifts."

"As usual," Theo added. "She looked real pretty, dad."

"Shut up, Theo," Willow rolled her eyes as her dad's jaw tensed.

He quickly averted the subject. "So, Willow, I've heard from Neville that you've been doing a stand-up job at your Quidditch captaincy. With Harry's son?"

"Yeah, Harry Potter's son," She said, her heart bursting with happiness that her dad was proud of her. That's really all she wanted.

"Weird how things turn out," He remarked. "Like full circle, huh?"

"Yeah," She said with a soft smile, but fear tugged at her heart.


	9. Hysteria

* * *

Willow was going mad. She couldn't believe that she had agreed to go to this bloody wedding and that she was going through with it. Here she was, Willow Wood, hair straightened and makeup done lightly, adorned in the pink satin dress Katie had gotten for her in France.

She felt rather foolish, standing in front of what James called the Burrow which appeared to be a crooked house that seemed like it could topple over in any minute.

"Well, you must be Willow!" The woman who opened the door was definitely not Hermione, who Willow desperately wanted to meet, or Ginny, who Willow also desperately wanted to meet, or Harry Potter, who Willow was terrified about meeting, or Ron Weasley or anyone else famous. She was older, gray hair and wrinkled type of old, and had a giant smile plastered on her face.

"Well, come on in! Aren't you just the prettiest girl ever? I'm Molly Weasley, Jamesie's grandmother— "

"Grandmum!" James yelped, practically knocking the old woman out of the doorway, his face red. He was dressed in a shocking lavender suit.

"Fred is matching with me," He explained upon seeing Willow's confused look. "We're the flower boys."

"No, you aren't," She giggled, placing a hand to her mouth. "We are," Fred came out of nowhere in an identical suit. "Teddy thinks he's real funny. You look very nice, Willow Wood. Doesn't she, Jamesie?"

"Yes, Fred," James scowled towards his cousin. "Come on in, Willow. We don't bite."

So, Willow walked into the Burrow, noticing it smelled like warmth, like family. "We thought it'd be easier just to Floo in all together. Hope you don't mind." James added.

"Not at all, Jamesie."

James groaned. "Please do not call me that. Please, I'm begging you."

"Please call him that," Fred begged.

"Is Theo coming?" James asked her while they prepared to floo. "Yeah, with my dad." She smiled. "You know, he worships you."

"As he should," James puffed out his purple suited chest. "You look ridiculous," She giggled.

"What, do I not look good in lavender?"

"Didn't say that." He grabbed her arm which she pulled away. James scrunched his eyebrows at the sudden awkwardness between them. "Flooing?" He said.

"Oh," She flushed and off they went.

"Merlin's Beard, Willow, you look bloody perfect!" Lily exclaimed when they arrived. "James is one lucky boy," Louis added, James scowling at his younger cousin's suggestive tone.

Willow thanked them and the two continued walking along. "You really do look quite lovely," James told Willow quietly. "I mean it."

"Uh, thanks," She said awkwardly, avoiding his eye contact. James noticed this again, the awkwardness.

"Come on," He decided to say. "I'll introduce you around."

The first people they talked to were George and Angelina, the two that Willow already knew casually. "You look so much like your mother when she was younger," Angelina said, placing a hand on Willow's shoulder. "It's peculiar."

"She looks like Wood, too," George told his wife. "Just in a more subtle way." The two studied Willow's face for an uncomfortable amount of time causing James to pull her away to meet "Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione," James introduced. "This is Willow Wood."

"Did James land himself a bird?" Ron Weasley said roughly. Hermione rolled her eyes on behalf of her husband.

"He's a bit of an ill-mannered teenage boy sometimes. Hermione Granger-Weasley."

"It's an honour to meet you," Willow beamed, not understanding how she was managing not to stammer. "Willow plays Quidditch," James offered.

"What position?" Ron asked. "Chaser," She said. "We're co-captains of the team time year." A look of realization hit Ron and Hermione.

"James has talked about you before," Ron said. "He always went on about some girl named Wood who he just could not keep— "

"Alright, time to move on." James yanked her towards his parents now. He couldn't have anymore of his relatives embarrass him any further. His parents were more reserved in their embarrassing stories.

"You wanna meet Harry Potter?" Willow's eyes widened; She had met him before, but not really ever formally.

"Dad, mum, this is Willow Wood," He said with an embarrassed look on his face. Willow straightened her posture. She was really more excited to meet Ginny Weasley than Harry Potter, but she didn't want to say that.

"Hi," She said nervously. "James has told us plenty about you," Ginny said, making Willow turn the same color as her dress and James to shoot his mother a warning look. "You're so beautiful."

"Thank you," She blushed and suppressed the urge to ask for her autograph. "Your father coached me when I played in Hogwarts," Harry said. "He lived and breathed Quidditch."

"Oh, Willow's the same," James said causing her to laugh out of embarrassment.

"If James is saying that, I have to assume you must really be invested. I think James is too obsessed." Harry said. Ginny shook her head. "It's healthy," She said. "How is your dad?"

"He's, erm," Willow didn't like talking about her dad even though they spent more time together this break, but he was, again, busy most of the times anyways. "He's doing fine." If the Potters realized her sudden shutdown, they didn't make any indication of it.

"And your mum?" Harry asked.

"She just got back from France," Willow said. "Doing great."

"Good to hear," Harry smiled. "Keep up the good work with the Quidditch team."

"Feel free to yell at James all you want, you have our blessing," Ginny added humorously. James scoffed, pulling Willow away once again. "Sorry, they're embarrassing," James said sheepishly. "The whole lot of them are."

"No, they aren't," Willow said, almost wistfully. "They care, it's nice actually." She couldn't help but be reminded at how different she and James were.

Soon, the wedding started, James leaving Willow to attend to his flower boy duties. She watched as James and Fred came skipping, throwing petals quite violently at the wedding guests. Al got a handful of petals to his face, scowling because he couldn't retaliate.

She couldn't resist smiling throughout their descent down the aisle. She felt happy to see James so happy and unabashedly himself; she felt happy because he was happy.

It was a good feeling if Willow could let herself believe it was a good feeling.

She just couldn't.

* * *

The after-party contained more energy than Willow Wood had ever experienced in her life— rivaling, of course, Quidditch World Cups. The Weasleys and Potters sure knew how to keep a party going.

"Sorry that you had to sit through all the boring wedding talking parts alone," James told her. Willow shook her head. It was boring, but she enjoyed watching James through all of it. He had cried when Teddy said his vows, despite his attempts to hide his tears.

"The vows were my favorite part, so tearful, Jamesie," Willow said, teasingly. James rolled his eyes, having been teased by his entire family already about crying.

"They were touching, Wood," He defended himself, then a curious look took over. "Do you still not believe in relationships lasting after all that?"

"Why do you care so much?" She asked him. Her answer was still no. "Well," James began. "Believe it or not, I actually do care about you and what you think." The only problem was that he said this just as a tispy Roxanne rushed out of nowhere, grabbing Willow's hand. "Come dance with me!" She screeched. Bloody cousins.

Roxanne was a dangerous dancer, Willow realized. Between all the spinning and thrashing she had done, she probably caused at least a dozen injuries to the people dancing around her. It was partially because she was drunk.

Willow knew better than to drink seeing as it was part of what caused her to be known as the Astronomy Tower Slag. She had a slight problem in fourth year, but she knew how to manage now. Plus, she wanted to have fun and a distraction from her feelings from James.

A few shots later, Willow and Roxanne were dancing like maniacs together. They booed together when a slower song started playing.

"Mind if I cut in?" James appeared in his silly purple suit. Roxanne gladly obliged. "He fancieeessssss you." She slurred.

Willow jerked, now feeling fulling sober.

"Shut up, you drunk," James said, taking Willow's hand, placing it on his waist. She rested her head on his chest. "I'm tired, James."

"You're drunk," He said. "Your parents are probably going to kill you."

"I'm barely drunk." She said, and truthfully, she really wasn't. "Besides, my dad doesn't care about me," She closed her eyes.

"No one cares about me." She said this so quiet, she didn't even think it was out loud.

"Willow," James whispered, his heart beating fast. Willow could feel the pounding against her ear. "Yes, James?" She asked, eyes still closed.

"I care about you." Willow looked up at him sharply, her eyes now wide open and alert.

"You do?"

"Yes," He said. "Why are you surprised?" She didn't really know why.

After all the nice things that he had done for in the past years, it had never occurred to her that she was worthy of being cared for by someone like James Sirius Potter.

"Don't care about me, James," Willow said very seriously, looking at him in the eyes with an intensity he had never seen before. She abruptly dropped her hands and started walking off the dance floor, leaving him utterly confused.

James stood there for a second, dumbfounded.

Willow didn't know why she danced with James like that, so close. She liked how he made her feel safe and comfortable enough to rest her head on him. She liked him, which was the main problem she found.

She didn't know why she had let it get to this point.

What did he even want from her? Whatever it was, she wasn't worth it.

"Willow," James followed her outside of the banquet, his face pure confusion. "Willow, wait!" She didn't turn around and when he reached out a hand she whipped around, her face full of anger and frustration.

"What do you want from me?" She yelled.

"What the hell do you mean 'what do you want from me'? If it wasn't bloody obvious already, I like you, Willow," James yelled back.

"You can't like me, James," Willow shook her head. "You can't, I don't do this!"

"Then what do you do?" James glowered as Willow walked away from him. "Go to blokes like Davies who don't give a fuck about you? Willow, you should hear the things he says about you." She stopped walking for a second.

"I know what he says about me," Willow said solemnly, still not facing James. "He says it to my face, too. I don't care."

"Why are you pushing me away?" She didn't say anything. James came to face her.

"Do you want to have sex with me?"

"Duh," He blurted. If it was in different circumstances, she would've laughed.

"That's why," Willow said monotonously. "Well— no, Willow," James spluttered. "I don't just want to have sex with you, I want you. I don't care about the sex as much as I care about...well, you."

"See, that's even worse," Willow said, starting to walk away. "This isn't going to happen."

"Willow, if you don't like me, just tell me."

"I don't like you."


	10. And Then...

* * *

"Oh."

Willow had never seen James' face look as crushed as it did, not even when they lost against Slytherin for the Cup years back. She wanted to take it back, but she couldn't.

It was too late.

He looked at her, his warm brown eyes broken yet soft. Willow wanted to push back his hair just like she had done during Hogsmeade.

"I'm sorry," She said. The two just stood there in silence, James staring at the ground.

"No," He finally said. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I made things uncomfortable. I'm sorry."

Willow stared at him one last time before he turned away, making his way back to the wedding. Something about him saying sorry to her made her feel incredibly sorry for lying to him and incredibly mad at herself for lying to him.

She had been holding her feelings for James inside so tightly to the point where she felt every part of her feel so incredibly tense. Something broke and Willow felt herself burst into tears.

"I'm sorry!" She cried out. James turned to face her, looking very startled. "I'm sorry."

"Willow, it's fine, I'm a big boy, I can get over— "

" _I lied!"_ Willow blurted out and immediately, slapped her hands over her mouth.

James' mouth dropped open to an O.

"What did you just say?" He asked, a smile starting to break out on his face.

"Nothing!" She said. "Nothing!"

"You said you lied," He began. "Which means..."

"You like me." James finished his sentence with a grin while Willow shook her head profusely.

"Completely false, Potter. Absolutely false. I don't like you." She took a step back from him as he took one forward.

"You like me," James said, stretching his words out. "You liiiiiiikeeee me."

"No, I do not."

"Yes, you do."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!" James took a step closer to Willow, cupping her chin in his hand, their faces an inch apart. She could see the freckles around his nose.

He now looked at her with his brown eyes and said very lightly: "Yes."

And just like that, Willow was kissing James.

It was unclear who started it, maybe both of them at the same time. It was so far from their first kiss in second year which was just as impulsive but not as prolonged. Their lips intertwined, their hands reached down and up, their bodies filled with elation. The kiss tasted of pure freedom and fear.

She pulled away, her arms still around his neck. James broke into a wide smile. "Brilliant."

Willow glanced back up at him which was James' weakness. He couldn't help but smirk back at her which was Willow's weakness so all at once, they were kissing again, Willow making her way down to his jawline, spreading little kisses all around.

"I've been wanting this for such a long time," He admitted, grinning through the kiss.

"James— " His smile fell. It was something about how she said it that made him realize that this was not going to amount to anything besides a kiss.

"What are you so afraid of, Wood?" She didn't know what to say to that. She shook her head.

"I just don't think it'll work," Willow said. "I don't think it'll be good. I don't...no, I'm sorry." James persisted, taking her hand.

"But why? What are you afraid of?"

"You, I reckon." She said, shivering slightly. James frowned, not understanding this. He wasn't going to give up so fast.

"But you fancy me," He replied. "Loads," she nodded.

"Doesn't it make sense that two people who fancy the pants off each other— "

"I just don't want to get hurt." Willow said, her face darkened. "I think— " She choked up. "I think you're going to hurt me so badly, James." He wrapped his arms around her, she buried her face in his chest.

"I won't," James responded immediately. "I promise you I won't hurt you."

"Promise?" Willow whispered softly. James nodded.

Willow had always trusted James. She just didn't trust herself.


	11. Dating James Potter

* * *

Soon enough, the snow had melted and Quidditch Season had started once again. The upcoming match happened to be Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin, which Willow and James had both required for the team to attend.

"We need to see what Ravenclaw and Slytherin has up their sleeve," Willow had informed Cory who really didn't want to go as he had a date at Hogsmeade the same day. "I guess I overestimated your commitment to this team." The boy sighed, admitting defeat and said he was off to cancel his date.

"I heard you're making your entire team attend our match this weekend," Kylie Grant had stopped Willow and James in the halls. The tall lanky girl towered over Willow which intimidated her greatly but Willow didn't dare saying it.

"Pathetic, much? You two are really obsessed with the Slytherin team."

"We could give two flying fucks about your sorry excuse for a team," Willow spat. "Yeah, if anyone is obsessed," James followed up. "It's you."

"Oh, isn't that sweet?" Kylie mocked, scrunching her face into an evil-ish smile. "You two are so cute. Feeding into your delusions together, how sweet. Couple goals."

"Oi, shut up already," Willow said. "You're truly irritating."

"You better shut your little girlfriend's mouth," Kylie warned to James. "And wash yours out after you kiss her. Merlin knows where she's been." She scoffed, shaking her head.

"Leave us alone," James snapped. Weirdly enough, this argument with Kylie made Willow realize that she and James had become a "we" and an "us."

It felt sudden to her, but it had been almost a few months since the wedding. Once the holidays wrapped up, Willow came to terms with the fact that she and James were now "James and Willow" and now she was realizing they had moved beyond that and into an "us."

She felt unsettled being in a relationship, but James had been so earnest, telling her that he wouldn't hurt her. She didn't know how to tell him that it wasn't him she was worried about— it was her. She had some innate quality embedded in her that made people leave her prematurely.

In retrospect, Willow had given up on the relationship when she agreed to be part of it. She knew it would end and she was bracing herself, reminding herself not to fall too deeply.

Still, things hadn't really changed as much as Willow thought they would. They spent more time together, but most of it was Quidditch related anyways.

Willow found their relationship to be nice, surprisingly. She could talk to James about things that she normally kept to herself and she felt special when he would tell her his own secrets.

Even when apart, the two would share specially reserved for each other smiles in the hallways that made them feel like they were the only ones in the world.

Meanwhile, James was met with the task of fielding off vulgar comments from his roommates.

"Did you fuck her yet?" Troy Jacobs asked. "Mate, it's Willow Wood, of course they fucked," Andrew Loez said.

"Fuck off," James replied coldly. "You guys are disgusting."

"Sorry, mate. We were just joking," Andrew said, holding his hands up and not sounding very sorry. "I think it's about time the two of you got together anyways." James said nothing to this and an awkward silence arose.

"Potter, I thought we were doing the plays today?" Willow, the topic of the hour, stood at the door frame, smile upon her lips. James, thankful to leave, got up immediately, Andrew and Troy snickering loudly.

"They aren't giving you a hard time, right?" She asked nervously once they settled their stuff down on a table in the library, biting her lip.

"Not really," He lied. "Do you wanna start on the plays?" She nodded and they soon got down to work like nothing had really changed.

"They actually," James cleared his throat once they had finished going over one play. "They were being gross."

"I figured," Willow said, rolling her shoulders out. "They are gross boys."

"Not like me," He said, puffing up his chest dramatically. Willow rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Potter," She declared. "You are gross."

"Do you really think that?" James was looking at her so intensely, she couldn't even continue on joking. She shook her head no.

"Good." They locked eyes for a while before James abruptly kissed her, his hands framing her face. Willow liked that he would use his hands when he kissed her. She liked how his calluses felt on the sides of her face. "We're in the library." She whispered.

"Couldn't help myself."

"What can I say, Potter?" Willow joked. "I'm irresistible."

"Yeah," He concluded seriously. "I'd have to agree with that statement, Miss Wood." And they continued on with their plays. James loved how Willow would get that glint in her eyes when she was talking about Quidditch. It was a look of a madman, but it looked good on her.

And Willow just liked being with James. She was happy with him, but so aware of how fast that could disappear.

She couldn't let herself get too attached, but sometimes, she'd feel so at peace with James she'd forget to remind herself to save distance for herself. She knew he would later find someone much better than her.

* * *

Once the weekend rolled around, the Gryffindor Quidditch team all found themselves situated at the top of the stands, Willow equipped with a notepad and pencil, James equipped with binoculars.

"You two," Roxanne declared. "are bloody insane."

"Better insane than losers," James retorted, cleaning off the binocular lenses. "Roxy, we want to win."

"Don't we all?" Cory wondered out loud. "Hey, Davies has gotten sloppy with his passes. Look— "

"His left arm," Willow noted. "Weak tosses." The truth was, Willow kind of knew that he had a weak left arm, but she wasn't going to divulge into the details in how she knew why, especially when she was sitting next to James. She didn't know how he'd react. They avoided talking about all the boys she had "history" with. It'd be weird to do so, Willow thought. He is my boyfriend.

Willow had somehow managed to avoid calling James her boyfriend out loud as she just could not bring herself to do it. She didn't think James had noticed. He was her first real relationship and it felt so strange and clunky to say "my boyfriend" instead of James. Deep down, Willow knew it was partly because she was still nervous about the relationship in the first place. As the months went by, the more nervous she got about how much deeper her feelings were becoming. She really did fancy him.

"Their Keeper is good," James noted. "And their Seeker has fancy tricks. Where'd Morales learn how to do all that?"

"Showing off," Albus scoffed, slightly jealous. Fred laughed at Albus' green face. Lily slumped.

"This game is boring," She said. "No offense to the teams, but it is boring." The entire team all had to agree. Nothing very eventful had happened quite yet.

"Grant is solid," Willow said. "Much as it pains me to say."

"The Slytherin beaters play dirty," Fred chirped up. "Tiller totally should've gotten fouled for that last dirty trick. He practically pulled Elizabeth's braid out."

"He has bad aim," James pointed out. Roxanne scowled, Ben Tiller a recent ex of hers. "FOUL, REF! FOUL!" She waved her arms up and down, standing up. Tiller looked up and glared at the sight of his ex-girlfriend.

"Roxy, sit down," Fred moaned. "You're only embarrassing yourself." The two twins began bickering which made it all the more hard to concentrate on the game. Soon Lily joined in, simply complaining about the game that seemed to be never-ending. Cory then made a comment about how he'd rather be at Madam Puddifoot's than here and then Willow had to snap back at that comment, saying, "You'd rather be in a giant vagina rather than a Quidditch match?" Then everyone around them joined in on the arguing except James who was fixated on keeping an eye on the snitch through his binoculars.

"Can you lot shut up?" James snapped once he lost sight of the golden ball. "Did you forget why we're here?"

Only Willow remembered and went back to the game, the rest continued to argue.

"This all wouldn't be happening if Willow didn't force us to be here!" Cory exclaimed causing Willow to whip back towards him.

"Cory, I ought to hit you upside down with a Nimbus 4000," She glowered. "I really ought to— "

"WILLOW, WATCH OUT!"

Unbeknownst to her, Roxanne had apparently angered Ben Tiller when she stood up and yelled for the referee to foul him. And apparently, Ben Tiller had some anger issues he needed to sort out because all two hundred pounds of him decided to hit a Bludger towards the stands where Roxanne was sitting.

The only problem was, as James had pointed out, Tiller had bad aim.

_CRACK._

Willow let out a blood curling shriek. Roxanne's complaints were met, however. Tiller got fouled for that at least.

* * *

Willow broke several ribs. In the long run, a few ribs were nothing, but in the short run, it was everything.

"You'll probably have to sit out the next match against Ravenclaw," Madam Abbott told her. "Don't move, it'll hurt."

"Ahh," Willow said as she was fed the potion that would heal her ribs faster.

"Quidditch is so dangerous," The nurse told her. "The reason why I wouldn't allow Emma to play. Not that she's interested."

Willow was bedridden without any visitors due to Madam Abbott's rule forbidding anything that would possibly excite Willow and cause her to sit up and strain her growing bones. James still came despite knowing the rule.

"Please, can I at least see her? I want to know if she's okay," Willow heard James' voice outside the sheets that covered her bed.

"She's fine, Mr. Potter," Madam Abbott said. "She is doing great."

"Well, I need to update her on what the Headmaster said and what punishment Tiller got into," James' voice came back more urgent. "Please."

"Sorry, Mr. Potter." Willow felt like she just needed to see James after hearing his voice. When Madam Abbott came back, Willow begged her.

"Please," She said and before she even knew what she was saying, it just came out. " _He's my boyfriend_."

"Well," The nurse sighed and, against her better judgement, let James in.

"Bloody hell, Willow," He immediately said. "You look like utter shit."

"Thank you, boyfriend," She said sarcastically. Willow realized she liked saying boyfriend. It sounded cool on her tongue. "I feel like shit, too."

"Tiller, the prat he is, is getting detention for the rest of the year," James said. "And he's kicked off of the Quidditch team for good. Even Grant recognized what he did was pure evil."

"Good," Willow croaked. "I won't be able to play in the Ravenclaw match." James cursed softly.

"We'll do you proud," He said. "You can still lead practices, I bet."

"I sure am," She declared proudly. "Can't let these broken ribs stop me."

"That's my girl," James said, ruffling her hair. The two shared one of their specially reserved for each other smiles. In that moment, Willow felt her heart sprout wings and flutter out to meet James'. Willow wanted nothing more but to kiss him.

"I wish I can kiss you right now," She sighed. In return, James bent down to give her a quick kiss.

"NO KISSING!" Madam Abbott exclaimed, coming out of nowhere. 


	12. Dating Willow Wood

* * *

Willow Wood was over thrilled when the weeks passed by, marking her ribs being healed. Of course, she had to get a consultation from Madam Abbott and meet briefly with the Headmaster, but she knew she'd be cleared. She was Willow Wood for crying out loud; she had to be allowed to play Quidditch.

Once Madam Abbott checked over her and wrote her an official note of approval stamped with a red wax seal, Willow practically flew over to Neville Longbottom's office. She couldn't get his approval sooner as the sooner he signed off, the sooner she'd be able to run out on the Quidditch pitch and fly some laps around.

She wanted to at least fly twenty minutes before dinner.

"Bubble Toads," Willow announced, the Headmaster's doors opening. Once she took a seat on the deep wooden chair in front of his deep wooden desk, Willow suddenly felt very nervous. She had never been in the office one on one and Neville Longbottom, although a kind fellow, seemed very intimidating from this angle.

"Erm," She pulled out the note from her pocket. "From Madam Abbott. Your wife," She added and felt stupid for doing so. Neville looked over it and then back at Willow.

"Well," He said. "The Gryffindor Team will undoubtedly be happy to have you back."

"Yes," Willow nodded. "I'll be happy to be back."

"Well, yes," Headmaster Longbottom nodded. He looked down at manila coloured folder before looking back up at Willow, his eyes hard and concerned.

"I looked over your files, you see. I was just, you know, curious how you were doing. And well, when we were choosing this position, you got great recommendations from Daniel Kang. And of course, I took that to heart. But your marks were cause for concern for some of our faculty and quite honestly, alarming for me. But I had the final say and I know you and your dedication to Quidditch. So I recommended you for the position as Captain."

"Yes," Willow nodded, confused why he was saying all this.

"Your marks have not improved since," He said gravely. "I'm afraid they have actually dropped slightly."

"Well, I give my all to Quidditch and that's what I want to do. I don't want to be a Potions master or what not."

"But you need to be somewhat literate in all the fields you are studying," Neville replied. "It is how you will graduate."

"Oh," Willow blanched. "So, what are you saying?"

"What I'm saying is," He sighed. "I will not be recommending you as captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team next year. And if you don't get your marks up to at least an Acceptable by the end of this year, I will have to bar you from Quidditch next year."

"Excuse me?" Willow's voice raised a half step, her eyes wide and heart panicked. "Headmaster, I want to be a professional Quidditch player and the only way that can happen is through actually playing in Hogwarts. Otherwise, I can't get scouted, you understand that?"

"Yes, I do. But you can't be a professional Quidditch player if you don't graduate. It's school policy. I'm sorry, Willow, I really am."

"No," She shook her head and it nearly broke Neville's heart to see that the girl was crying. "No, you don't get to say sorry all the while telling me I can't play Quidditch. Do you realize— " She couldn't finish her sentence. She wanted to say, _do you realize how devastating that is to me?_ But she couldn't get it out. Quidditch was part of her, she felt searing pain up her body as if it was being ripped from her.

"I'm sorry, but this is school policy. You have to maintain your marks in order to participate in Quidditch."

Willow got up from the chair, her frame shaking.

"You can't be serious," She cried. "You cannot be serious." Once out of the Headmaster's office, Willow felt her insides crumble. She noticed students walking by and she wiped her eyes quickly, sucking up all the tears she had cried and holding in all the tears she wanted to cry.

Willow Wood would not cry in public in front of all the students who made her hate herself anyways. She wanted to cry thinking about— as if there wasn't any more reasons she had to hate herself. Once she entered the Gryffindor Common Room, she realized she would have no idea what to say to her friends and her team.

"I'm definitely not going to be captain next year and there is a chance I might not even play." She imagined herself saying. "Why? Oh, good question, because I am the biggest idiot in this castle." Before Willow could finish her fantasy/nightmare, James draped an arm over her before taking in her red rimmed eyes. A look of concern spread over his face. "Are you alright?"

"I'm good," She said, her voice hoarse and barely audible. She shook his arm off. "Willow," James said.

The truth was, James had been having doubts even before the Ravenclaw locker room talk. He had noticed Willow's distance, but he had kept it in the back of his mind. He didn't like feeling like he was dating someone who might get up and leave him any second, but he knew he was just being paranoid.

He was just overthinking it, which was weird because James Sirius Potter was not know for overthinking anything.

If he could just understand why Willow was be so distant to him, he would stop this overthinking nonsense. He liked her and he was certain that she liked him as well. They had mostly good moments, almost always good moments. Small bickering fights, but that was normal between them.

It was just the fact that she'd pull away from him at times, become detached and cold.

Willow had always been a wild card. There was a danger to her that he couldn't place— he knew about her reputation, but he also knew about the stories of her frequent blackouts at parties, showing up to classes high, had seen her get in physical fights.

James wondered if it was even all true. And then there was the time she got hospitalized in fourth year for reasons rumoured to be drug-related. She didn't ever talk about it. It wasn't like he wanted her to delve into all her previous drama and past, but he wouldn't have minded knowing just a little bit about her besides what she showed to the rest of the castle. 

"There is nothing wrong," Willow assured him quietly. "Nothing at all." He examined her face and he took in her appearance. "Willow, please tell me the truth." She shook her head, getting up— James followed her out.

"I'm your boyfriend," James said, his voice full of hurt. "Don't you think— Shouldn't you want to talk to me about this?"

"Don't take it personally, James," She responded, not wanting to explain why she was distant, her mind focused on her possible deference from playing Quidditch. "I like you."

"Yes, but— "

"It's nothing, James."

"Well, it's not nothing to me, clearly." He glowered. "Dammit, Willow. Can't you tell me what happened? I know it's not healthy to keep things bottled up inside, not tell anyone about what's going on in your life. You're pushing me away every day I get closer to you and I don't know why either, but you don't talk to me, so how would I know?"

"This is how I am," Willow glowered back at him, her eyes now fixed in anger. Willow had entered defense mode and there was no coming back. James felt her walls rise up higher than ever. "This is what I do. Get over it. Not everyone shares their feelings openly."

"It's not just about that— one day, you act like you fancy the pants off me and the next, you won't even make eye contact with me. Is it something I did?"

"I'm not in the mood to argue, James," Willow muttered. "It's not your fault."

"Then whose is it?"

"It's my own problem."

"And why is that?"

"Not important." She lied. She couldn't tell James why she was so afraid of getting closer to him. She couldn't. He wouldn't get it. And how could he? He was James Sirius Potter, he had nothing to lose. No one would ever dare to hurt him.

"Well there you go," James huffed. "That's what is eating me up. You don't tell me anything, you don't...it makes me overthink and that frustrates me and you make things so hard— "

"Then we should probably break up," Willow said monotonously.

Her facial expression was flat, but inside, all the air was sucked out of her and her heart stopped beating for a second. She wanted to grasp at her throat immediately after she said it, but there was no indication of it on her face. 

James looked back at her in absolute shock. "What?"

"Willow, I don't want to break up."

She scoffed, her face turning dark. She knew otherwise. If she didn't say it, he would.

"You're not happy, yeah?" She looked back at James now. A translucent layer over her eyes blurred at what she was communicating underneath. 

He didn't know how to respond. "I don't want to break up."

Her face twisted into a weird, almost sadistic smile and she laughed as she did so. 

"So you're not."

"I'm not what?"

"Happy."

"Does it even matter now?" He muttered. "You clearly aren't."

The smile on her face gets wiped off immediately after he says this. Instead, a hurt look on her face took over as she tried to mask it with anger.

"Fuck you," She spat out. "You're an arse."

"You're acting like a complete emotional rollercoaster right now, you know that?" 

"Really?" Willow cocked her head to the right with mock surprise. "I thought I was just an unhappy bitch."

"That's not fair," James countered. "You walked into this relationship afraid that I would hurt you anyways. Did it even mean anything?"

A moment of silence followed this question.

Before turning on her heel to storm away, she muttered "You were the one kept pushing me into this anyways." 

Then, James was left to ruminate in his own thoughts. He leaned against the corridor wall, sinking down until the pain hit him. He shook his head, trying to shake the heaviness that pressed down on him.

He didn't understand her.

He knew her behaviour well— all her little quirks, the small details like the kind of perfume she wore. But he didn't understand why she did the things she did. But it was clear to him that she didn't want him to know why. She was holding herself back from him, as if she believed that would mean giving her entirety away.

* * *

Halfway through James' slumber, the curtains drew open. Willow's dark blonde hair hung long around her frame and her hazel eyes were red, smudged eyeliner all around. This wasn't an uncommon look for Willow, but he hadn't seen her like this since the start of sixth year. She climbed onto his bed and then onto him. The slight smell of her cinnamon perfume clouded around him.

James looked at her with bewilderment.

"Willow, what are you doing here?" She smiled crookedly, placing a finger to his lips.

The hours after their breakup, there was something that felt off to Willow, something that she had never felt before with any boy. She figured it was because she hadn't treated James like those blokes. And if he didn't like that version of her, why not the version of herself that the castle thought her to be? Isn't that what he really wanted? 

Willow untied her robes to reveal her nakedness underneath. Her eyes followed James as his scanned over her body in a mixture of confusion and lust and her breasts brushed up against his bare chest as she leaned over to speak into his ear. 

"I'm sorry." Her voice came out as a whisper, hot breath floating against the nape of his neck. 

For a moment, they stared at each other, her legs wrapped over the sides of his body and her back bent forwards, their noses nudging the other's as they tried to figure out what would happen next. It dragged on for eternity. All it would take was one simple movement, a twitch of the hand or extending of an arm. Still, they just stayed there, just breathing. 

"I wanted to make up for it," She said quietly. 

"Willow," James swallowed hard, "I— "

She bit her lower lip and something fiery inside pressed against his body. There was so much to be asked and so much to be said, but instead, the immediacy of the moment won them over and she was kissing his neck as his hands went out to caress her breasts. He couldn't help but let out a moan as she responded with a passionate bite. 

She grinned at his reaction and he grinned back, not before flipping her over. Now on top, he hovered over her and she raised an eyebrow, waiting for what he was going to do. After nibbling on her ear, his lips descended downwards, forming an O around her hardened nipples. She twisted underneath him, giggling slightly at the measurable amount of time and care he spent on her tits alone. 

"You like them?" She teased and immediately cursed herself afterwards. She meant for this to be quick and impersonal. No romance, no talk—only satisfaction. But somewhere in between their first kiss and now, the moment had overtaken her intentions. This was no longer about a distraction or a release, it was about James Sirius Potter.

Right before they got to the Moment, James hesitated.

"Are you sure?" She didn't say anything and responded by mounting herself on top of him, releasing an astonished cry of pleasure.

Everything became increasingly and increasingly more needed. They lost themselves inside each other and as they screamed out each other's names, Willow felt, in this split second, the possibility of being something more than just a body. Her consciousness growing, her spirit and her soul was realized. For the first time since her third year of Hogwarts, she felt herself whole. Everything clicked into place. And all of this happened when James Sirius Potter was inside her. 

Willow rolled off to the side, horrified by this realisation. 

Their heavy breathing filled the room and James reached out a hand to stroke through her hair. She didn't respond, her back to his front as she stared at the wall, paralyzed in a flashback from her past, a memory of the last time she let herself get this close to someone.

"I'm sorry too," James whispered, kissing her shoulder. Her body shivered against his touch and a sob escaped from her lips.

"Willow?" He peeked around at her face, covered in tears as she wrapped herself into a ball. "Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head furiously. 

"No," She said. "No. You were perfect."

"Then what?"

Silence. 

"I got kicked off the Quidditch team today."

James stopped breathing.

Without looking at him, Willow asked, "Can you hold me?"

As much as she wanted to keep her feelings away from him, she needed him tonight. He wanted her so he did the only thing he could, which was to hold her in his arms. This would be the last time, she decided. This would be the last time.

"Okay," He said. "Will you be okay?"

She didn't give him an answer until his arms found her body, cradling her inside his warmth. 

"Promise," She whispered. "Promise you'll never hurt me."

"Promise," James whispered back.

When he woke up, she wasn't there.


	13. So It Goes

* * *

Willow Wood felt idiotic for several of reasons. The first being her marks, the second being the fact that, against her better judgement, she let James Sirius Potter into her life despite knowing how it would end.

At this point in her very short life, Willow Wood didn't realize that part of the break up was because of her own self-sabotaging habit of distancing herself from boys that got too close to her.

It was just that she got scared for some reason. Scared they would leave, scared they would hurt her, scared of what change might ever come into her life. James was the closest any boy had ever gotten to her and that had frightened her.

She was unlovable and she knew for some reason, people could never love her— no matter what she did.

It was so unsurprising that James would be so unhappy with her, and truth be told, Willow had her suspicions it was just because they didn't have sex. She understood why that would be frustrating for him seeing as his girlfriend had had sex with the entire school.

She was Willow Wood. She was unlovable because of that very fact— who she was, not because she had sex with the entire school, but because no one she had slept with had ever actually loved her for any time long enough to stay.

She couldn't believe she let her walls down so easily for James. Of course, in James' eyes, she never let her walls down fully. Their rift was a difference in thinking, a difference in perspective.

James never cared about what people said and Willow was all too aware of what was being said about her. She took it all in and James was seemingly invincible from the horrors of the world. He had grown up in a happy home, well adjusted to the world.

Her distance from him was for his sake. She didn't want to see his social standing fall because of her. Then he'd grow tired of her, resentful even.

Maybe when he realized that she was Willow Wood for fuck's sake, he would immediately drop her. That's what they all did, anyways.

Sometimes, she thought James saw her as an experiment. Let's see if we can make the slag into a good, abiding girlfriend. She was so different from all of his previous girlfriends.

Both of them weren't ready to address it fully and it was much easier, Willow realized, to walk away than to explain her thinking to him.

But she couldn't. James was intoxicating, she couldn't erase him from her mind. So she had gotten drunk off firewhiskey and found herself at James' bed near midnight. It just happened. She left when he fell asleep.

And although she had somewhat given up on her and James, she didn't give up on Quidditch. Willow had told the Gryffindor team of her predicament in vague terms without ever explicitly saying that she was an idiot with idiot level marks.

The entire team didn't think she would get kicked off and Willow refused to believe it as well. If she did believe it, she wouldn't have any future or dream to fantasize about. Her finals were the week after the Quidditch cup which stressed her out entirely, but she refused to give up.

Working with James was strange, too. At first, the two worked on the plays in silence, stiffly speaking as little as possible to communicate. Of course, the two knew this wasn't an effective way to work so they resolved to actually speaking but about nothing besides Quidditch. It proved challenging to both of them. Willow just wanted to never talk to James who just wanted an explanation.

Practices were strange as well; the two were acting like nothing had happened between them as if they were robots programmed to be Quidditch captains who didn't know any personal details about the other, just that they both had the same job. The rest of the team realized it too, but no one dared to comment on it.

Despite herself, she missed the presence of James in her life and it made her feel incredibly lonely when she thought about it too much. Quidditch and studying were ways to distract her.

When the day of the match rolled around she warmed up by reciting the ingredients to the Happiness Potion while running around the pitch. Willow was ready to win in all senses of her life. "Alright, team," Willow told the anxious Gryffindor team.

Albus was a pale colour, Lily was just staring blankly out at the pitch, Roxanne and Fred were more chatty than usual if possible, Cory had thrown up, and James, well, James actually looked fine, calm even. Willow was anxious herself as she wanted to win, especially if this was really the last match she'd ever play at Hogwarts.

But that was a possibility she tried to ignore and suppress.

"We practiced, we trained, and we worked for this. There is no reason for us to be nervous." Then her arm starting shaking.

"Hypocrite," Fred tried to joke but he couldn't hide the nerves in his voice.

"Erm," Willow held onto her arm with her other, trying to stop the shake in her voice. "Sorry— fuck, I don't know why I'm even— "

"It's probably just nerves," James cut in, giving Willow an encouraging smile that made feel uneasy. "It's fine that we are nervous. But just know that when we get out onto the field, it's just like practice. I mean, you guys are all the absolute best team I have ever played with in all my years as Chaser here."

"You're just saying that," Lily said, her eyes frozen in place.

"No, he's not," Willow shook her head, her voice only slightly shaking now. "Lily, you have been the best Chaser yet in terms of teamwork. James and I have never played better and it's because of you. Fred and Roxanne, you two have that special twin power beater thing going on." They nodded in sync. "Cory, Kang was a great Keeper and I honestly didn't think anyone could fill his shoes, but you worked so hard to improve and you did. Albus, you're the fastest most secret Seeker ever."

"He has really abnormally long fingers, too," James added. Albus scowled. "The Ravenclaw team is mostly gits anyways, so beating them would be pretty sick. So, what do you say? We go out there and kick some Ravenclaw arse?"

The entire team nodded in response and began to file out. Willow stayed back, trying to figure out how to slow her stupid heart down.

"You alright, Wood?" She looked up to see James and she hated how his smile still did that thing to her smile.

"Y-yeah," She stammered. "Just, my heart is going so fast and— "

"Hey," James put his hands on her shoulders to steady her, placing his forehead towards hers. Touching foreheads was a weird tradition from their previous years on the Gryffindor team. "You're going to be okay."

"Okay," Willow responded, their eyes locking now. It was a strange moment where both of them felt like they should kiss but they both didn't feel like that was a wise decision.

"We should get going," She said and they both rushed out in time to hear their names be announced.

* * *

Gryffindor lost.

It wasn't necessarily that they played bad, as Willow had told the team in slight tears. But it was because Ravenclaw had simply played better.

Willow decided to put her pent up anger and sadness about losing into her studying, but she fell asleep in her textbooks before she could actually do any studying. When it came time to come into the Headmaster's office for her final update on her Quidditch status, Willow was sure that she'd be at least allowed to play next year.

"You're not going to be able to play next year," Neville told her solemnly. Willow blinked twice. "You improved in some subjects, but Transfiguration and Charms didn't go up at all and those are part of the most crucial fields needed to graduate from Hogwarts and participate in Hogwarts' extracurriculars. I'm sorry, Willow."

She burst into a fit of laughter. "You're absolutely joking," She said. "I mean, you have to be." He didn't say anything. Soon, her giggling ceased and she stared at him for a while.

"I studied every single day," Willow protested. "You have to believe me, Headmaster. I mean, Quidditch is my absolute life and I can't— I can't imagine next year without, I mean, what's the point of going back if there's no Quidditch?"

"To get an education," He said firmly. "That is the purpose of Hogwarts." Willow thought about what she could say to him to change his mind, but Willow was quite honestly tired of thinking so instead, she said "I fully hate you right now, Neville," and stormed out of his office.

She ran straight to James, in the middle of a silly debate with Albus over some Potter family drama, but Willow grabbed his wrist and they got to business immediately. James albeit confused was thrilled to be with Willow again.

This new development in their relationship became a cycle of secret hookups. James started to barely see Willow throughout the day, but she'd always find her way to his bed in the hidden moments. It quickly felt much more normal than it actually was.


	14. Hit Me, Please?

* * *

James Sirius Potter started off seventh year as James Sirius Potter, sole captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He felt awfully unhappy about this; when Willow had told him right before the summer, she had told him bitterly and full of hurt.

"I guess you'll be getting what you finally wanted," She muttered. "You won't have to deal with me anymore."

Truthfully, he missed Willow greatly since he had seen her last. He missed her smile and making her smile. Willow was one of those girls, James figured, who he would never fully get over.

Although he was trying, now dating a very nice Hufflepuff called Helen who wore her dark brown hair in two pleats down her back and had rosy cheeks. She liked Charms and wanted to work in the Ministry. She was brilliant as well.

She was one of those girls, James figured, he would forget. He felt bad thinking this about her, but they were dating because they were young and were both fine with the idea of breaking up. Willow hadn't been like that with him.

He was excited about captaincy position all to himself but he felt guilty about not doing it with Willow. He himself had gone to Neville's office to protest when the girl had told the team rather tearfully. It had been right before the school year had ended.

"It's ridiculous, you wanker!" He yelled to someone he had called Uncle as a child. "I mean, it's absolutely insane! You've gone bloody mad, you can't just— "

"It's the school's policy, it's not me," Neville expressed calmly. "I'm sorry, James. I really am. She'll be able to participate in Quidditch if she gets her marks back up, but as of now, I cannot permit her to play."

When James caught a glimpse of Willow Wood, her face was soured and set in a permanent annoyed expression. He excused himself from Helen and walked over to the former captain.

"Hey," He said pleasantly, hoping she'd be pleasant back. The two were now back on speaking terms, but both refused to address whatever had happened over the summer.

"How was your summer?" She looked up at him, her pale blue eyes forming a stare that made him feel like he shouldn't have asked that.

She looked back down at the ground. "It was fine," She said curtly.

"And how was yours, James?" James mimicked her raspy voice. "Oh, mine was fine, too, thanks for asking, Willow."

She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling which made James smile. This was one of the moments that they had when it felt like their smiles together were all that mattered.

"I mean, nothing happened. Besides, well...you know."

"Yeah," James scratched the back of his neck. "But you're good, right?"

"Listen, I should get a seat on the train. I'll see you later, Potter." She said, ignoring his last statement, leaving quickly.

* * *

Willow Wood's summer was not fine. Once she got off the train with Theo, the two were equally stunned to see their mother and father waiting for them, Oliver Wood waving especially excitedly.

"Am I the only one seeing this?" Theo asked Willow. "Why does mum look...happy?" That was true, Willow noticed the glow to Katie Bell that had never been there since the last divorce. Willow had a sinking feeling in her stomach about why her parents were there and why they were happy.

"Shut up, Theo," Willow hissed as he kept talking and she needed to concentrate on her parents' ring fingers. Her eyes blurred the crowds out and then she saw the sparkling mass on Katie's left hand. Her heart stopped.

This could not be happening.

But it was. Katie Bell and Oliver Wood had reunited in between Willow's holiday break and Valentine's Day where Oliver very discreetly proposed to Katie again. "It had been very romantic," according to Katie who told this to Witch Weekly. "I never really ever could get rid of my feelings for him since my fourth year at Hogwarts."

Willow read this statement, practically foaming out of the mouth. She had watched her mom hold on to her dad for so long and she knew that this marriage wouldn't last because how could it? Let go, she wanted to yell at her mother.

Her father made a similar statement to Witch Weekly as well, saying, "It was impossible for me to try to forget the woman who I've been in love with since my last year at Hogwarts. She still makes my heart beat whenever she smiles at me." Willow gagged at this.

She was certain her dad was lying. How could he not be?

It was strange and concerning to see her parents interact as she really hadn't since she was a child. Theo was overthrilled.

"They're perfect for each other," He said firmly to Willow when she warned him to not get his hopes up. "Don't you see it?" And truthfully, Willow did. Sometimes, they'd be so sweet it made Willow want to believe that the marriage would last but she knew that she'd only end up disappointed if she believed that.

She had owled James later that first week of summer, asking to come over. He responded rather quickly and he met her at his house's entrance, glancing around as if he was embarrassed of what they were doing which made her feel embarrassed. She felt embarrassed to be with him in public, too, but it was different. She just felt embarrassed for him.

Their sexual relations lasted until halfway through the summer. They'd talk about little things afterwards and before. Sometimes, Willow would talk about her parents' wedding.

The first time she did, James realized how little he knew about her family; she didn't ever mention it except for when she was crying and he always assumed that her dad was just busy. She never really mentioned her mother.

Willow acted resentful over the fact that her parents were getting back together which confused James to no end. He couldn't imagine a world where his parents weren't together.

"I actually think they love each other. Like really genuinely love each other," Willow had confessed one night they both couldn't fall asleep, "which means they didn't love me enough to stay."

James didn't know what to say to this other than "they do" which felt so incomplete and not what he wanted to say which was more along the lines of "I do." He felt as if she would've hated that more than what he did say.

He held her close that night and in the morning, he realized how he had grown addicted to the feeling of her near him.

She was good for him, she made him feel challenged in a good way.

But she didn't invite him to be her date for the wedding which hurt his feelings.

James didn't know why he was submitting himself to this no strings attached relationship when he knew he didn't want to be no strings attached; he just didn't want to lose her for good.

* * *

The wedding was all anyone was talking about— even now, on the way back to Hogwarts, several people had come up to Willow to congratulate her as if to say _Congratulations on your parents deciding to reunite after you don't need them anymore!_ It drove her absolutely insane. She hated how happy everyone was, how syrupy their voices turned when discussing the wedding. When she expressed this all to Taylor and Emma on the train, they looked at her like she had gone mad.

"You sound like Scrooge," Taylor said. Emma and Willow looked at her like she had gone mad. "I forgot you two don't understand Muggle things," She groaned. "Willow, why don't you ever let yourself be happy?"

"Because I'm not going to be happy in two months when the wedding is inevitably called off," She muttered. Her friends never fully understood her. "Whatever, enough about me. What's bothering you two?"

Emma immediately burst out: "Helen Popowitz is the Head Girl! I cannot believe SHE is Head Girl over me. And I have a bloody connection to the head of this school!"

"Who the hell is Helen Popowitz?" Willow laughed at the girl's name. "Sounds fitting for a Head Girl."

"Shut it," Emma whined. "She's that Hufflepuff _bitch_ who kept trying to one up me in Charms."

"Oh, she's the brunette who you had an one-sided competition with last year?" Emma was the nicest girl in their grade except for when it came to academics. Then she got viciously jealous.

"I did not!" Emma protested. "You did," Willow and Taylor said in unison.

"Whatever," She muttered. "You guys are so supportive."

"You don't _need_ that silly title," Taylor reassured. "You're going to get whatever job you try for."

"I might go to Muggles' university," Emma thought out loud.

"I don't really remember what she looked like," Willow said. "I just remember her vaguely."

"She's pretty, I suppose," Taylor said. "In the traditional sense." The girls moved on, not aware that Helen Popowitz was the girl that James happened to be dating now.

Willow kept her months long secret relationship with James to herself— no one needed to know another trainwreck story from Willow's summers. The summer before her fifth year, Willow had landed in the hospital over an accidental overdose. She knew her friends looked at her differently after that. The summer before that, she had stories of her partying, taking random pills she was given by strangers.

James and Willow's summer romance, if one could call it that, ended rather awkwardly and unevenly.

At one point, things started to feel more like a real relationship than whatever it was that they thought they were doing. Loving one another felt natural to them. They began just coming over to talk and no longer hung out in secret— James playing around with Theo and Willow joining his family for dinner.

It all ended in one night. Willow asked him to be rougher while James got on top of her, which he obliged awkwardly, and then she asked if he would call her a worthless slag. He had immediately got back down on the bed by her side.

"What?" James had said in utter madness. "What does that mean?"

"Tell me I'm not worth it," She said. "Tell me I don't deserve you. Anything." James unable to comprehend why she would want this, shook his head no.

"No," He said. "I don't get it." Willow had sighed and he told her it was too weird to continue so they just talked for the rest of the night about nothing. James realized that he was falling madly in love with with someone who he didn't really understand.

The next week, James told her he started seeing someone and Willow had turned away from him.

"Okay," She said in a muffled sort of way. "Do you even care?" He asked coldly, thinking she didn't.

She didn't say anything back. It took James a minute to realize that she was crying.


	15. Davies, Again

* * *

Willow's new Charms and Transfiguration tutor happened to be Helen Popowitz, this something Emma took great offense to.

"You can't switch over like that," She hissed. "It's betrayal!" But Emma was tired of tutoring Willow and Helen was part of the tutoring program they did at the school, so it made the most sense to switch.

When they met in the library, Willow had been struck by how awfully simple Helen's beauty was. She wore her dark hair in two neat braids down her back, her skin was pale and free of any freckles with the occasional pimple.

"Hi," Helen extended her hand out to Willow who shook it firmly before sitting down. "So, erm, the Headmaster told me about your...predicament and I understand what level you're at right now. Is there anything that you really just don't understand?" Willow shrugged.

"Well, I guess," Willow started divulging into how the correct pronunciation of spells awfully confused her because she didn't know what was more important, her wand's movements or the words. Once Helen explained this to her, the two went into practicing common spells that she needed to know.

"I hope this isn't awkward for you," Helen mentioned as they neared the end. Willow assumed that Helen was talking about how the library's window gave a clear view of the Gryffindor Quidditch team's tryouts.

"Oh," Willow shrugged. "I mean, not really. I didn't expect the team to be having tryouts right now, but it's not awkward. Just sucks."

"Oh," Helen's eyes went wide. "I wasn't talking about that, I was just saying because, well, James." Willow gave her a weird look.

"What?"

"Since we're dating." Helen cocked her head to the left. Willow suppressed a laugh while wondering if this girl was truly insane.

"No, we aren't." Willow cocked her head. How was this girl Head Girl?

"What? No, I didn't mean _we_ are dating, I meant— " Willow had gotten distracted now, looking at the people who might possibly replace her as Chaser.

"— I assumed you knew that James and I are dating." She immediately whipped her head back to Helen, Willow's eyes bugging and her head started to hurt.

"I— " She stared at Helen, now in a completely new light. She was so blind to how glaringly obvious it was that Helen was James' type and how much she wasn't. "No, I didn't know." She shrugged. "It's not awkward, though." It was.

This pairing made sense to her. Willow figured that her theory of her being an experiment for James was true. He tried dating a girl outside of who he normally would've. Maybe he was bored, wanted to switch things up. Then he realized what a mistake it was and went back to the original programming. She was a mistake.

Helen fit the mold of who Harry Potter's first born should date. A rebel with undeniable charm like James could only be matched with a serious yet blissfully kind girl. Those were the types of girls he dated anyways. Willow was a stain in his dating history.

There was a stinging pain deep down in her stomach, but she swallowed it. She was okay with this.

"It's not awkward," Willow repeated, this time with more believability.

"Okay," Helen said. "Shall we continue?" Willow nodded and they finished up with the spells, Willow feeling surprisingly more secure in her knowledge of the foundations of Charms.

* * *

"He's dating Helen," Willow whispered to Emma and Taylor during dinner.

"No bloody way," Emma's eyes widened. Taylor snuck a glance at James who was at the Hufflepuff table eating dinner with Helen. "Look at that."

"At least things have gotten back to normal for him," Willow commented before pushing her half-eaten plate away from her. "I'm gonna head up to bed. I'm tired." Emma and Taylor exchanged a look, but bid her a good night. The two had noticed Willow's borderline depressed behavior since the summer. Taylor was suspicious of Willow's disappearing act once the summer started, but Willow was hopeful that Taylor didn't suspect the worst.

Willow dragged her feet while she headed up the stairs, thinking about all the things that were going absolutely wrong in her life. She was so far deep in thought that she didn't notice Fred Weasley running up to catch with her.

"Oi, Willow!" The redhead said with a goofy smile on his face. The two hadn't spoken much since the break up, so Willow was slightly surprised to see him so happy to see her. Plus, he and Taylor had broken up over the summer as well, this time for good. It was mutual and ended clean— unlike her and James. Taylor started seeing a Hufflepuff named Daniel.

"Hey," She said, smiling. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Fred said. "I just wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine," Willow shrugged. "I'm totally fine. Why?" She wondered if he knew about her and James this summer.

"You just don't seem fine," He extended his arms. "Hug?"

"You're going to prank me," Willow determined and Fred spew out a few curse words.

"You know me too well," He muttered. "I needed someone to try out my dad's new product."

"Find someone else, Fred," Willow folded her arms across her chest. "How were the tryouts?"

"They were great," He replied cautiously. "None of the Chasers could ever match you, but the guy we chose— Lawrence, you know him? He'll do."

"I guess he will," She said softly. This was spoken more to herself than Fred.

"I hope you're back in time for our second match," Fred said sincerely. "Erm, he'd kill me for saying this but James— "

"I might kill you if you finish that sentence," Willow's face turned sour, but Fred, ever so stubborn, continued on. "Okay, sure, kill me for saying that James is worried about you."

"I don't need pity," She countered, squaring her shoulders. "And I don't care." Fred shrugged.

"Suit yourself," He muttered. "Do us a favour and be okay?"

"I am okay," Willow asserted, but she knew they both knew that was a lie.

Shortly after she and Fred parted ways, Willow found herself face to face with David Davies who was giving her an all knowing smile.

"So," He paused to crack his neck. "You've been avoiding me."

"Because you're an arse," Willow glared at him.

"I'm an arse who was right," He corrected, triumphant in seeing how Willow seemed to have returned to her original state. "James got bored of you, just like I said he would."

"Bugger off, Davies," She said almost mournfully. "I've had a bad day, don't need you making it any more painful."

"What, is it the Quidditch thing?" He asked. "Or is it Helen?" Willow didn't say anything. "You know, Wood. My door is always open."

"You've said that a million times, Davies." He blanched at her tone of voice. "And I meant it everytime," He recovered. "Come on, you deserve a little bit of Davies today."

Normally, Willow would've gagged at that line, but she was so sad and hurt and frustrated that it worked.

"Okay," She said. "Let's go."


	16. Davies, Punched

* * *

The O on Willow's paper was marked in red and drawn especially huge. It was written just like any other P that she had received, but it felt different inside of her body. She was over thrilled with this, unable to hide the smile that started to sink into her cheeks. It was for Potions, too— that had always been her worst subject. Once class was over, she immediately ran out to show her paper to Emma.

"Look at this!" Willow jumped out and down, flashing her paper in front of Emma."I got an O! Look at that! An O!" Emma squealed with happiness, pulling her friend into a tight hug. "I knew you could do it, Willow."

"I think I might actually get my grades up in time for Quidditch," Willow was beaming now. "I have to go show Taylor!"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the castle, James was having trouble controlling the Gryffindor Quidditch team. The team was acting like they had one brain cell combined and James didn't know how to deal with it.

"Guys," He groaned as Albus ran away from the Quaffle Fred was throwing at him while Roxanne cackled off her broom. Lily and Cory were engaged in some arm wrestling and the replacement Willow, Lawrence Hubbard, was watching the chaos intently. "GUYS!"

He turned to his right, expecting to see Willow equally amused and annoyed with the weird mad look she'd get in her eyes with anything related to Quidditch. But she wasn't there and that made him feel even worse. He left the practice with a pounding headache.

"Please no talking," He told Helen over dinner, closing his eyes, resting his head on her shoulder. They were sitting at the Ravenclaw table today; James not wanting to be around the rowdiness of the Gryffindor table. Helen giggled slightly at how comical this looked, seeing how tall James was compared to her.

Across at the Gryffindor table, however, was Willow, staring intently at James and Helen. She meant to tell Helen about her O and wouldn't have minded James knowing. He would be proud of her and she liked that feeling.

Staring at the two of them cuddled up like that, the O suddenly felt silly to celebrate. She didn't even want to look anymore, but she couldn't stop.

"Willow, stop staring," Taylor hissed. "They're gonna notice."

"Yeah, I— " Helen made eye contact with Willow and she immediately cursed herself. Willow decided to just cover her staring up by mouthing "I got an O!" to Helen. In response, the Head Girl offered her a thumbs up. She tried to ignore James' gaze that followed.

James let his gaze linger on Willow longer than he knew was necessary. But he had never seen the girl as happy as she was since forever. Of course, when Helen asked him what he was thinking of, he lied and said Halloween. As the last of summer finally came to an end, fall was now fully in season, already nearing the end of October. Halloween was the hot topic on everyone's conversations.

"I don't know what I could be." Fred said after dinner. "I mean, I could always go as my dad and you go as yours. It worked that one time, remember? A bunch of girls came up to me that night. Do you think people will remember I'm repeating a costume?"

"I think I'm gonna be a severed head. I'll just wear the cloak," James remarked. "Helen doesn't want to do a costume with you?" Fred's eyebrows were raised.

Truth be told, Fred didn't think Helen was all that interesting. He never thought the girls James dated were very fun, except for Willow.

"Actually, I think she wants us to go as Aunt Hermione and I go as my dad, like you said." He scrunched his nose. "I told her people would reckon it was kind of weird if I did that. Aunt Hermione and my dad didn't end up together so...She won't get mad if I don't."

Across the way, the girls were figuring out their costumes as well. "I'm going to be a Princess," Taylor announced for the tenth time in the girls' dormitories. "Like always. Daniel's going to be my Prince. What about you, Willow?"

"I dunno," She shrugged, licking the ice cream off from her spoon. "Maybe just something slutty. Like a bunny. But slutty."

"You were that last year," Emma reminded her. "You're right," She giggled. "Maybe I should switch it up. A slutty cat? What about you, Emma?"

"Not sure yet. What do you think?"

"Maybe a cat with me," Willow suggested.

"What if we all be princesses?" Emma exclaimed and Taylor squealed happily. Seeing her friends so excited made Willow believe that it was good idea even though she knew it was a dumb idea. Willow Wood as a Princess? It just wasn't realistic. Willow wasn't that type of girl and she felt wrong— like she was pretending to be something completely different than who she was.

* * *

Halloween was the only time you could ask the question, "Does the tiara make my hair look too voluminous?" and no one would see anything wrong with it.

"You look fit," Roxanne assured Willow. She ran a brush through her lashes. "Can you check if I got mascara on my lids?"

"Close," Willow ordered her as she examined Roxanne's gold glittered eyelids. "Nope."

"Do I look like a Princess or a Pauper?" Emma asked self-consciously. "Princess," the girl chorused back to her. Meanwhile, Taylor posed as a tall princess. A very, very tall princess. She, already almost six feet, was wearing heels, making her indefinitely six feet. If she was in Rapunzel, she'd be the tower. Or Rapunzel's hair.

"You're going to have a wardrobe malfunction. I'm calling it," Roxanne said to Willow, who was already three shots down. Willow's costume, or lack thereof, was essentially a series of red fabric of nothing. Her costume was supposed to be a princess but without the tiara, who knows what it'd would've been interpreted as?

"If I do," Willow shrugged. "At least I'll be drunk." Taylor's lips flattened into a disapproving line; she had always monitored Willow's drinking behaviors, as she often went overboard which in turn, always indefinitely created problems. "Careful with that," Taylor muttered to her on the side. Willow rolled her mascara-ed eyes. "How else will it be fun?"

When the girls made their way (quietly) to the Slytherin dungeons, Willow realized she forgot her tiara back at the dormitories. "I forgot my crown," she whispered to Taylor and Roxanne. "I need to go back. You two can go without me."

Once she retrieved her tiara and started the journey to the dungeons, she started to regret telling them to go without me, realizing that Hogwarts is actually really creepy when it's dark.

She collided with something; the problem was, she couldn't see anything in front of her. There was actually nothing in front of her? She opened her mouth to let out a scream, but a hand came out and covered her mouth, pulling her under some mysterious fabric.

"Don't scream, you dolt," Willow was now face to face and inches away from James Sirius Potter. "Do you want to get caught?" Willow examined him briefly— he looked the same. She decided to proceed as normal. It helped she was drunk.

"No," She said curtly. "I was scared. Can I get out of your invisibility cloak?"

"Don't you want to go to the party without being caught?" She sighed. He was right. She couldn't get in anymore trouble.

"Where's your costume?" Willow deflected, rolling her eyes automatically.

"You're in it now," He said with a stretched out grin. "I'm going to be a severed head."

"That's stupid," Willow scoffed. James' eyebrows raised to the top of his hairline. It was strange talking to him, Willow thought, as if nothing happened.

"Says the girl dressed in glittery whatever that is. Red window drapes?" He retorted with a short laugh. "You're not even wearing pants!"

"I'm a princess. I look fit anyways," Willow defended herself, "You'll just look dumb. At least mine is fashionable."

"I do not look dumb!"

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too!"

"You're impossible," James finished lamely. "Now face forward. We're going to have to walk in this."

"Fine," Willow muttered, turning forward. "Where's Helen?"

"Why do you care?" His tone was incredulous, but softened. "Jealous?"

"No," She snapped back. "Just curious."

"She's already there." James sounded at peace with her which made Willow's heart drop down into her stomach. "And you're going the wrong way."

"Am not." Willow managed to say through the thoughts now swirling in her mind about James and Helen.

"Yes, you are." James placed his hands on her waist as he steered her the right way. Willow's entire face heated up and she quickly jerked away from him. "Alright, alright!" Willow shook James' hands off her. "Let's just hurry up. I want to get there before it's halfway over."

They walked in silence for a few minutes and then James said suddenly, all at once: "Willow, it doesn't have to be like this."

"What do you mean?" Willow replied quietly, not sure what he was saying.

"It doesn't— we could be friends."

"I don't think so," She pursed her lips. "I think it's better like this."

"Can't we be friends? I thought, well, I didn't think we would end like this. I miss you." He confessed. "I miss your friendship."

"We were never really friends," Willow muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "Come on, let's just...go."

"Willow, I want to resolve this."

"What does she have that I don't?" Willow heard herself blurt out abruptly. She immediately regretted it, feeling ashamed of even asking the question.

James blanched in response. "Willow, what's that supposed to mean? I thought you didn't want to be my girlfriend."

"Well," Willow faced him now, their eyes not meeting. "Nothing really. It doesn't matter." James still didn't move.

"I don't know," She felt herself wilt. "I don't think there's anything more anyone could like about me."

"Trust me," He replied. "There's a lot to like about you, Willow. A lot. You're really great."

"Yeah, right," She scoffed. "No, really," James reached out for her chin instinctively, an old habit from summer. He quickly drew back. He reminded himself he had a girlfriend. "Erm," He cleared his throat. "Forget that happened."

They were completely silent for the rest of the seemingly hour long walk. When they arrived, they both split paths as fast as possible. Willow leaned against the cold dungeon wall for a split second, contemplating whether or not she wanted to go anymore. But she did, mustering up all her courage to go in. Immediately, her eyes landed on James who was kissing Helen in the same way he was going to Willow and then the rest of the night was a blur.

Willow woke up in a mysterious bed. She could see her knickers were on the edge bed and she could tell by the colours of the sheets that it belonged to a Gryffindor which meant she was in one of the Gryffindor boy's beds, but the question was who. She could've peeked out the curtains but that would risk her having to face both James and Fred which would've been an entirely awkward situation. She gasped suddenly.

What if I slept with Fred, she thought but quickly dismissed the idea. That wouldn't have made sense; she was unable to get aroused from redheads. That was just a fact. She racked her brain for who else it could be but no one came to mind. Maybe if she just peeked out real quickly— a flash of light greeted her and she saw no one was in the dorm. Clearly, it was lunchtime or something like that. Willow thanked Merlin that it was the weekend so she wasn't missing any classes and she slid out of the bed, grabbing her underwear quickly, ready to make her escape.

Before leaving, she looked around at the bed to see who it was. She noticed the poster of the Cannons. A Cannons Fan? She cringed at the idea— but then immediately memories came flooding back. She had shagged Christopher Robinson.

"Holy crap," James Sirius Potter said, head poking out from his bed.

Apparently, Willow didn't check the room too well. "You slept with a Cannons fan," He stated, a big smile on his face. She saw his black eye better in the sunlight. She was now remembering everything so much clearer. The yelling, how angry James got.

"You punched Davies last night."


	17. The New Potions Master

* * *

"So, I'm on Quidditch probation or whatever the fuck ol' Neville is calling it." James hung his head in shame, standing before the Gryffindor table over breakfast.

Roxanne and Fred had identical looks of shock on their identical faces. Albus hit his head on the table. Cory shook his head.

"Was she really worth it?" The snotty boy asked with an unimpressed look on his face.

"Hey!" James yelped. "It wasn't about her." Fred snickered as James' ears turned pink. "It wasn't," He added for extra measure.

"What wasn't?" Helen seemingly appeared out of nowhere, sliding her hand into James. She was still on edge about the Davies punching incident. They had talked about it the day after it happened.

She asked the question on the entire castle's lips: "Do you still have feelings for her?"

"Not exactly," James lied, running a hand through his hair. "I just feel protective over her." It was a complete lie and if Helen had been closer to the scene when it happened, she wouldn't have fell for his lies and they would've been over. But now, James regretted not telling her the truth; it wasn't right.

Still, he didn't want to have to admit that yeah, he still has feelings for Willow. What good would come out of that? She treated feelings like the plague. It was an awful predicament to be in.

"Nothing," James muttered as the all knowing Gryffindor Quidditch team giggled. "Willow's gonna freak," Lily mentioned nonchalantly as he took a seat with Helen. James let out a series of curse words.

"Where is she? It was her little boyfriend that ratted me out anyways."

"Jealous," Cory whispered just loud enough for everyone but Helen to hear. James fumed. "I swear, Cory, I'm going to— "

"Take a swing at me?" He challenged. Just as James was about to respond, Helen put a hand on his arm. He sighed instead, reaching for a piece of toast.

He did not like how comfortable Cory was getting, but his cousins seemed to get a kick out of it.

"So we're now two players down, both our captains." Albus stated bleakly.

"Congratulations, Al, you can count," James retorted. If it wasn't clear enough, he was in a bad mood. Everyone on the table collectively inhaled. Helen looked around nervously— she had never been around James when he was moody.

"Not this shit again," Willow Wood had entered possibly for better or worse. She examined the breakfast spread. "Who the fuck eats porridge?"

"Albus," James quipped, nodding his head towards his brother who was looking down at his bowl self-consciously. She rolled her eyes grabbing a muffin before heading down the table for a seat. Tell her, Roxanne mouthed.

"Hey, Wood?" She practically twirled around. She was in a good mood. She was cute when she was in a good mood. James half-way smiled before he realized he had to ruin her day. "I got put on...er...sort of like...it's like...Quidditch probation?"

Her cheery expression fell immediately.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Everyone took another inhale.

"It means I can't play the next game." Willow winced. James pulled his lips into one side of his face, "When do you reckon you'll be back?"

She tugged at her skirt, walking back towards the group. "My marks are almost there," She said quietly. "It's just...I'm absolute rubbish at Potions."

"I'm doing the best I can," Helen said almost too defensively, exposing the underlying tension between them. Willow recoiled. Everyone took yet another inhale.

"I wasn't blaming you, Helen, it's not your fault I'm an idiot. Move, Fred." Willow said it so sadly, everyone had to pity her.

"You're not an idiot," Fred said, making room for Willow to sit next to him. "At least not the way you mean it."

Willow slammed her head on the table and let out a very discerning but still muffled scream. James joined in and Fred couldn't miss an opportunity to be the loudest and Roxanne screamed for the hell of it. The entire Great hall turned to look at the lot of them screaming.

"You guys are crazy," Albus said once they finished. "You know, James isn't half bad at Potions." Willow lifted her head from the table to peek at James' reaction.

"I am pretty brilliant," He puffed up his chest. Willow noticed the glance Helen was giving towards her.

She wondered why Helen wasn't even mad at James for the whole Davies fiasco. How could she not be? If she was dating James— Willow stopped that scenario immediately. She didn't want to think about it. She still hadn't processed what he had said on Halloween and she didn't even want to.

"I can do it on my own," She said, not so convincingly, but they left it at that. After breakfast, James took Willow aside.

"Think about it, Wood," He said, his brown eyes staring directly into hers. "I bet I can get your marks up and if I bug Neville enough, we can do it. It's the only way we'll win the Cup. Come on. It's not ideal, but— "

"Did you mean what you said at Halloween?" She blurted out. James stared at her blankly. He blinked a few times and Willow started to think he didn't remember anything.

"What did I say?" He asked, scratching his head. "The whole night's a blur."

Willow felt her face flush. Of course it didn't mean anything. "Nothing," She said. "Sure, let's do it."

Truth be told, James was lying. He remembered the entire night. Walking with Willow to the party, feeling her body against him again, wanting to kiss her. She was wearing a dress that made him feel like he needed to be with her.

Willow was around eight shots in (she had a high tolerance) when Davies had found his way towards her.

"Hey," She said, jerking away from him.

"Don't be so touchy, Wood," He murmured, placing his hands around her waist. She rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest.

"Seriously, Davies," She tried to move away. "Not tonight." He groaned. "Just one kiss?" Willow obliged because she couldn't help but give in. Across the room, James sat on the couch with Roxanne, staring directly at the sight of Willow being kissed by Davies.

"Hey, you're staring," Roxanne pointed out. "James. You're staring, you creep."

"I'm just observing," He defended himself.

"You have a girlfriend, you prat!" Helen was in the bathroom.

"She's in the bathroom," He said. "Besides, I'm not doing anything, I'm just— does it look like she's enjoying it?"

"Not particularly," Roxanne shrugged. "But Willow's not always enthusiastic with Davies."

"She's had like eight shots, I reckon. "

"You've had more."

"I'm gonna go check on her." Roxanne shook her head no, muttering about how James was so whipped and in that moment, Davies slid his hand firmly on Willow's arse to which she responded by pushing him off.

"Stop it," She glared at him. "You said one kiss, I gave you one kiss."

"Don't be like that." He stepped forward again, his alcohol breath hitting her face. "You just look so damn sexy, Wood— "

"Davies, not tonight," Willow tried to shrug off his embrace but he was taller than her. "It's not a game this time," She stood motionless as he started to kiss her neck. But still, Willow obliged because a part of her, inside her, felt that it was just easier to give in. At this point, James had left the couch and was bouldering across the room, Helen was back from the bathroom calling after James innocently.

"Hey, what the fuck do you think you're doing, Davies?" James was incredulous and drunk. But so was Davies. Willow immediately pushed Davies off of her.

"What I fucking want, Potter," He said. "Stay out of my business."

"It is my business if it concerns her," James said which caused Willow's heart to pound and Helen's eyes to go wide.

"Still hung up on her?" Davies laughed, drawing his attention away from Willow. "You know she's snogged like five boys tonight? Embarrassing, isn't it? To be hung up on such a— " Then James had landed a punch square in Davies' jaw and Davies, too shocked to react, stood there like an idiot.

James turned to Willow. "Are you okay, are you?" She looked at him with such pain in her eyes, James forgot what had happened and could only think about her and what he had done to her— Davies took this time to punch James in the eye which caused him to stumble backwards into the crowd that had formed in the midst of it all.

James didn't want to admit that he remembered what he said when Willow was so obviously through with him.


	18. Backsliding Relations

James and Helen broke up a few days later. James claimed it was for reasons other than Willow, but it was increasingly clear his feelings for her still existed stronger than ever.

"I think you're still head over heels for her," Lily told him confidently over his sibling-intervention. They were in the sanctuary of Albus' dormitory which was surprisingly empty. "It's why you wanted to help her with Potions."

"That was for the team," He glowered. "Al, help me out here?" His younger brother, sprawled out on his bed with his face in a book, shook his head. "I'm gonna have to agree." James scoffed, throwing a pillow in his direction.

"You just seem so desperate when you're near her," Lily said with a devious grin.

"I'm not— it doesn't even matter. It's not going to happen, okay?" It wasn't. James knew Willow treated feelings like the plague and she would treat his feelings for her like the plague times ten.

"But it did happen!" Lily, the strongest Willow and James advocate, claimed.

"For a split second in time, the universe allowed this bending of nature to happen, yes— " James started to say, but Lily cut him off.

"You've been in love with the girl since your second year!" James' eyes bugged. Albus let out a barking laugh.

" _LOVE?_ "

"Yes, love, doofus," His younger sister countered. "You call your relationship with her not one out of love?"

"You know it's not that crazy," Albus added, "the way you used to talk about her 24/7 in Third year."

"Don't be so dramatic, I don't..." James' voice trailed off. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to disagree. He always had a special place in his heart for Willow, but he had never thought of it to be romantic until last year.

There were moments during summer where he had felt as though he was falling in love with her until she had told him to hit him. He felt so disgusted by that suggestion. He couldn't place the emotion, but he felt much care over her, felt her sadness, he only wanted the best for her.

Was that an indicator of his love? Was love that crazy of an idea? He had never been in love with any of his previous girlfriends before...

"You do," Lily declared. "I've watched you fall in love with her ever since you came back from your second year at Hogwarts. You couldn't stop talking about her. I've seen the way you look at her."

"Lily, it doesn't even matter," James murmured. "It's not going to happen, trust me."

Meanwhile, Willow Wood was in panic mode. Pacing back and forth in the seventh year girl's dormitories, she was frantically racking her brain for an explanation on how she was going to deal with being tutored by James. It wasn't like she hadn't suppressed her feelings for anyone before, but James was different. James had always been there.

Since first year, he was always by her side. After she got hit on the head by a bludger in second year, he was there when she woke in Hospital wing, to crack a joke and bring her a bag of candy from Hogsmeade. He had been there in third year when she was crying in the corridor after Slughorn had yelled at her. He had been there in fourth year when he took down all the photos Tyler St. James posted of her. James had always been there to help her, make her feel better.

She never realized how much she fancied him until he had kissed her for the second time. After that, all her feelings for him arose all at once and she fell hard, so fast. But he would never want her. He was James Sirius Potter and she was just the Astrology Tower slag.

* * *

Willow found herself in the Gryffindor Common Room with James for their first tutoring session. It was only a week until the second match and Willow just needed an O on her upcoming exam to qualify. She tugged at her skirt, pulling at her tie.

James could tell she was nervous from the way she kept fidgeting. The way her leg kept bouncing up and down. He automatically placed his hand on her leg which seemed to do the opposite of what he meant it to do. Willow shot her head up to look at him in confusion. "Erm," James' entire face turned red. "Sorry. It was just bothering me, that's all. Do you wanna start?"

"Sure," Willow nodded. "My test is on these potions and I don't understand, like anything. Like anything about potions."

"Trust me," He quipped. "I've been in class with you. I know." She elbowed him. "Ow," James complained. "Anyways, potions is all about memorization."

"I'm rubbish at that," Willow said. "Can't do it." James made a face, shaking his head. "Then how do you memorize Quidditch plays?" It had always amazed James at how fast Willow could memorize Quidditch plays. The girl sat next to him, frowning slightly as she tried to recall how she did.

"I don't know," She concluded. "I just do."

"But how do you think about it?" Willow groaned, now furrowing her eyebrows even deeper. "I don't know," She said in frustration. "I just see the little drawings and it makes sense. It's easier, there's no words necessary." James hummed and started writing. "What are you doing?" Willow asked. "Lemme see." He didn't answer, continuing to write. Willow sighed. He was in deep concentration, whatever he was doing. "Come on," She whined. "At least tell me what you're doing."

"Potter."

"James."

"Come on." Willow placed a hand on his shoulder which caused him to tense up. "Wood, have some patience," James muttered and then pushed the parchment towards her. "It's a visual sort of Potions chart." Willow looked at it, the different Potion names written out on the page, but the ingredients were drawn out with little symbols.

"I think it might be more helpful," James offered. "Okay," She said, still looking at it. "It looks less complicated here."

"Yeah, I tried to think about it like a play," He said. "Maybe try studying it for a few minutes and I can quiz you afterwards." Willow nodded. She hadn't seen the studious side of James, ever. It was weird to see him in teacher mode.

While she studied the paper, James couldn't help but study her. How her hair got entangled with her arms, the way she'd scrunch her freckled nose trying to concentrate.

"What?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"You've been looking at me like I have something on my face."

"Oh."

"Do I?"

James shook his head dumbly. "No, uh," He paused. "It's nothing."

"Okay," Willow shrugged, rolling out her neck. "Hey, I think this is working!"

"Really?"

"I'm serious, Potter. You're like a real teacher."

"Why thank you," James said with mock seriousness. "I have been waiting for this moment my entire life, my pupil." Then, with real seriousness, "You know, the true test of whether or not its working is to test you." Willow scrunched her nose. James couldn't help but smile.

"Okay," She grimaced, pushing away the paper. "Hit me."

"Cough potion." He watched her think for a minute before she shouted excitedly, "Spring water, porcupine quills, beet powder, and ginger! Did I get it right?"

"Erm," James was excited at how excited she got, but she was dead off. "Not exactly." They continued down the list and once they went over it a few more times, Willow was starting to get into it.

"Okay, okay," She said, holding her head in her hands. "I think I'm onto a good memorization trick— cough is because you get sick like the flu which starts with an f so freshwater eel skin. Tap water. Beet powder. Mint. Lemongrass." She peeked up at James. "Is that right?" James glanced down back at the ingredients before breaking into a big smile.

"Yes!" He said, a little in shock. She hadn't been able to remember the cough potion out of all of them. "Yeah!" He started laughing and Willow let out a little squeal, jumping out of her chair to do a little dance. "Come on, Potter," She waved James towards her. "Join me!" He obliged, leaping out of his chair to mimic her jumping.

"How the hell do you have this much stamina, Wood?" James asked after a few minutes, struggling for breath. When she finally got tired, she collapsed onto the common room's couch where James was slumped in. The two shared a breathy smile.

He wanted to kiss her again, like at Halloween. He knew he could and she wouldn't stop him because she was Willow and kissing her was almost a fact of his life at this point. But he knew nothing would come out of it. At least nothing of true significance to Willow.

"Why didn't you invite me to the wedding?" James heard himself blurt out. He didn't know why he was still thinking about this, but it hurt him.

She blinked at him, as if she didn't believe what she was hearing.

"You know why." Her response was barely a whisper.

"What are you so afraid of?" He asked.

"You wouldn't understand," Willow said.

"Try," James said. Their faces had gotten closer. Her eyes darted down to her lips. Her eyes seemed to say _kiss me._

"Do you want me to kiss you?" They both knew that once he said this, it was bound to happen.

"Do you want me to answer that?" She put a hand on his chest, but it was too late, a vain attempt to prevent the next events that followed. He had cupped her chin, tilting it upwards to reach his face. She loved when James did that.

So she kissed him back. Tugging at his tie, she said, "Everyone's asleep anyways."

* * *

* * *

After their backslide into sexual relations, Willow told herself that she was doing this to get all her pent up feelings out. She really had no logical explanation for why she was doing this other than it felt good and she _just liked_ being as close to James as possible without having to think about her bigger feelings for James.

A part of her was hoping he'd get tired of having sex with her and move on, thus letting her go along with her life without having to think about James ever again. Willow couldn't help but think about what Davies had told her in sixth year— "If you think any guy is interested in anything other than your body, you're dumber than I thought you were. Trust me when I say he will sure as hell get bored of you." She thought she might as well just gives James what he really wanted. She knew he would eventually grow tired of her.

James, on the other hand, was hopeful that maybe, just maybe, something good could come out of this. He knew this was rather foolish of him to think and he was aware of this. He felt so close to her during sex, as if their bodies were made to be one, and he preferred it to the cold shoulder she had been giving him before. When they fell asleep together, he could imagine staying there with her in his arms, for the rest of his life. He could die and he would be happy dying like that, with her by his side.

But still, any time James would say anything remotely romantic or feeling-like, Willow would turn down any expression of her emotions to balance it out. This had happened only twice— most recently, after Willow had passed her Potions exam, James had expressed his great "like" towards her.

"And so that's why I think I'm going to marry a dark-haired woman," Fred was declaring after the two had left their Defense against Dark Arts class right before this all happened. James hadn't really been listening to his cousin/best mate's ramble about a fortune teller he had seen once, but he nodded like he did. Then all at once—

"JAMES!" Willow bolted down the hall at top speed, her hair flying behind her. "JAMES!" She flashed the big red O on her potions test and he immediately wrapped her in a hug, spinning her off the ground.

"You did it!" She squealed when he put her down which made him smile at how cute she got when she was excited. "No," He corrected. "You did it!"

"Whatever," Fred cut in. "WE'RE GONNA WIN THE CUP!" The three jumped around in a huddle giddily, chanting "Gryffindor!" over and over again.

"I cannot believe I got an O," Willow raved afterwards to James as they walked back to the common rooms. "I mean, like, me? Willow fucking Wood, stupid fucking idiot?"

"Don't talk about yourself like that," James said, half-joking, half-serious. "You are Willow-fucking-Wood." She blushed, only slightly, and offered James a smile back.

"Anyways, congratulations," He offered. "I did really miss you this year on the team. It would never be the same without you— playing Quidditch, I mean. Well, really anything actually." James glanced at Willow to see her reaction, but she was turned away.

"So, I lied earlier," James blurted.

"Huh?" Willow looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. "About, erm, Halloween. I remember it, the entire night— everything. And I meant it. What I said, I mean." James was now flustered, Willow staring at him intently.

"Erm, Wood— "

"Yeah?"

"Where are you dragging me?" Her right hand encircled around his wrist, she pulled him across the hall as they swerved off path.

"I think there's a broom closet around the corner," She said. Once they got in the cramped, darkened room, Willow immediately jumped over James, her hands moving up and down as she kissed him fervidly.

"Wood, what has gotten into you?"

"Quidditch," She said casually, in between kisses. This, in turn, caused James to chuckle as Willow directed her attention to him tie, which she tugged urgently— something he learned was her signal to take it off. "You don't know how to take off a tie," He had asked her the first time. "Never learned," She had responded. "Don't care." Now, James knew he should just loosen his tie with no questions.

"Now kiss me," She said with a little, satisfied smile.

"Yes, ma'am," James teased, taking her all at once. "That one's for your O," He muttered, moving his lips downwards. "And that one's for winning us the Quidditch match next week," Willow let out a long moan. "What was that one for?" She asked. James looked up, smiling slightly. "You."

Her gaze wavered and she quickly looked away. "Here, my turn, Potter," She replied, thus killing any semblance of actual feelings involved. She shot him a quick look up as if to say, _stop being sentimental._

So, James took the hint and decided to act okay with no strings attached relations and Willow tried to convince herself that James didn't believe anything he was saying.

She knew she would never be the girl who he wanted her to be.


	19. The End...Sort Of

* * *

Willow found herself lying on the floor of the Gryffindor seventh year boy's dormitories, hovering over a quickly sketched play.

"Move him here," James commented, his arm pointing out the spot and brushing against hers on the way. "Wouldn't that make more sense?" He stared directly at Willow and she felt her stomach erupt with feelings, beyond the typical feelings of attraction.

It was more like feelings of sheer _joy._

Willow and James had been spending more time together; on top of the backslide into a casual sex without the relationship, they were studying together and working together on their plays. Consequently, she felt that they were growing closer and she couldn't help but love all the new things she learned about him.

For one, she never knew he didn't eat nuts not because of an allergy, but because he hated the taste (this she found out after he had spit out the granola bar she had offered him.) She also didn't know that he had a crush on a certain Chaser from the Holyhead Harpies when he was younger, only to find out she played for a whole other team...

He had told her more personal things, too. While they were trying to sort out a formation for Albus in their play, James had mentioned how he was reminded of the moment he knew he would never be a Seeker.

"We were playing a game for Mother's Day, my cousins and our mums, mind you, Lily was too young at the time. Otherwise, she would've been up there with us." He said, tracing the play with his finger. "I used to want to be Seeker because, well, my dad and it's probably obvious that I want to be like my dad."

James paused for a second to run a hand through his hair then continued.

"Anyways, everyone was laughing at something someone had said and my aunt and my mum were passing the Quaffle back and forth and making side comments to each other and I realized that I couldn't even focus on the Golden Snitch when everyone else was talking and doing things together. It just felt so lonely."

"So, Chaser?" Willow asked with a slight smile. She had always felt Seeker was so isolating. She preferred teamwork.

"Being a Chaser is so interactive," He responded. "You really build teamwork and I think that's my favorite part of it. It's cool to almost be able to mind read your teammates."

"Like me," She quipped. "I wanted to be a Beater."

"You?" James looked incredulous as he tried to imagine the skinny girl in such a role. "Well, I actually could see you channeling your rage into Bludgers." Willow laughed. "What made you change your mind?"

"What you said," She said. "Plus, I don't know. It felt right. I could see you as a Seeker too."

"I probably wasn't enough," He added as a bitter afterthought. "At least, not like Albus is. He's more like my dad, I reckon. The whole world thinks so, anyways."

"Maybe it's the glasses." James barely laughed. "Yeah, maybe."

"What's so great about being the most like your dad?" Willow said.

"I just wish I could be more humble and quiet like him. everyone says I'm like my uncle Ron because I have no tact or whatever. I just say things."

"It's not like it takes away from who you are. I would like you a lot less if you didn't say things." James had looked at her with such intensity after that and she responded with a light, friendly kiss on the lips.

"I wouldn't like being a Chaser as much if it wasn't for you," She confessed and James had smiled so devilishly, it made her laugh.

"Hey," James playfully said. "No feelings, Wood, remember?"

Willow told him things about herself too, like how she was in the hospital the summer before fifth year because she had taken too much painkillers on accident.

"I'm not suicidal," She said. "Taylor and Emma think I am, but I'm not. It wasn't suicide, it just felt good." James had always felt that Willow was slightly damaged and now he knew why. "My dad didn't even talk to me about it which was almost worse than him thinking I wanted to kill myself. I reckon he just didn't know how to go about it."

"What about your mum?" James asked. "What about her?" Willow shrugged. "She was doing her own thing."

She never clarified about what had happened over the most recent summer. They never got to that point. But he couldn't stop thinking about how she had cried that one day, how he had felt so much pain from just looking at her cry.

James really was in love with her.

* * *

The next morning was another Quidditch practice of their seventh year. It was all too sunny for anyone to have been in a bad mood.

"Willow, watch out!" She whipped her head to see Fred chasing a violent Bludger from above that seemed to be directed towards her.

Oh, right, she thought. Me.

Before Willow had a chance to react, her body crashed to the ground, James falling softly on top of hers.

"Ow!" Willow groaned. James lifted himself above her and smiled a classic smirk of his.

"I think I saved your life," He boasted. Willow giggled and Roxanne shot her a look of confusion.

Willow had never been a giggling type.

James extended a hand out to her which she took gratefully.

"Thanks, Potter," She said, ignoring the weird flutter in her stomach she got. Things were different with them now. Willow no longer felt like she had a crush on him, it had moved beyond that to something much more deeper which scared her.

The same night, she found herself in close quarters with James again, this time for Potion tutoring in the library.

"Volubilis Potion."

"Erm," she racked her memory. "Is it the voice altering one?"

"Yeah! Good," James gave her a pat on the back. Willow drew back. He noticed, but continued on like he didn't. "Hiccoughing Solution."

"Hiccups," she said. "Easy. Come on. Harder."

"Amortentia." Willow rolled my eyes.

"You just included that to include it," She said.

"Well?" James raised his eyebrows.

"The most powerful love potion," Willow responded with a glower. He laughed.

"I think Slughorn is planning on making your class do that," James said. "I guess you'll smell nothing." At this point, Willow hoped to Dumbledore that she would smell nothing. She felt her eyelids droop and her head slammed on the table.

"Do you want to continue?" He commented. "Are you really that tired? We can— "

"I just hate Potions so much," Willow groaned. "Don't you? Wait— don't answer that." She always forgot how much James _loved_ Potions.

"Uh," He scratched the back of his neck before smiling suggestively. "How about we take a break?"

"Yes," She agreed strongly. After their "break," James turned to the girl he was in love with. "Wood, what is the nature of our relationship?"

"What do you mean?"

"Can I sleep with other people?" Willow looked up at him sharply.

"Do you want to?"

"No," He said honestly. "What about you?"

"Not really. But I wouldn't say it matters if you do or not. This isn't like...well, you know."

"Yeah." James looked down at their feet. "It never is with you, is it?"

"Can it ever be?" Willow asked.

"What does that mean?" She hated/loved how he would always ask her what things she said meant.

"I dunno," She shrugged. "Everyone gets tired of me after a while. You will, sooner or enough."

"But you do like me."

"Of course, I do," Willow said, now embarrassed. "I care about you greatly. You're probably my best friend when I think about it." This was the boldest thing Willow had said yet, and she meant it. James was taken aback.

"Willow, I love you."

She said nothing to this. He continued.

"I thought I'd be fine with this whole casual platonic, sometimes not platonic relationship that we have. But really, and I mean really, I'm not. I fancy you too much for this. Whatever it is."

Her heart beat against her chest but on the outside, she remained neutral and calm. She wished she could tell him that she loved him too, but she didn't know if she could ever push the words out of her shut mouth.

"So," She finally spoke. "Are you ending it again?"

Again, James thought. It was strange they fell into this weird habit once more. He didn't want to say yes.

"No," He responded. "I'd miss you too much."

"You're going to forget all about me when you find someone you can actually love." Willow said to him. James shook his head in disagreement.

* * *

They continued on like that, James' feelings growing stronger, Willow's feeling growing harder to push down. No one knew what the two were doing, up until the final Quidditch match.

"Hello, everyone," George Jordan was back at it, smiling brightly, trying to look happy, but he looked pretty anxious, not sure who would win.

"Today is the final game. The game that will determine it all. Gryffindor against Slytherin. Whoever wins this game," George paused for dramatic effects. "-wins it all." The two crowds were trying to outcheer each other while the all mounted our brooms. Willow looked back at James. He sent her a brilliant smile.

"Now, when the whistle blows, the game will start in..." The crowd immediately started chanting anxiously.

"FIVE!"

"FOUR!"

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE— GO!"

"The game starts," George said quickly. "The Quaffle is in the hands of one Gryffindor Chaser, Willow Wood, who had a brief mental breakdown and stunt from Quidditch, but is back better than ever!"

"Fuck you," Willow muttered, darting throughout the pitch. She zoomed past the Slytherin's Chaser, Flint, eyes rolling as she threw the Quaffle through the outstretched calloused hands of their Keeper.

"SHE SCORES! GRYFFINDOR SCORES! BEAT THAT YOU DIRTY RAT ASS BASTARDS, WE SCORED A POINT, WE'RE GOING TO WIN AND-"

"GEORGE! LANGUAGE!" McGonagall snapped. George rolled his eyes.

"Okay, now—" George said, "The Slytherin has the Quaffle but— " The crowd made a shocked noise as Fred hit a closely aimed Bludger at the boy, causing him to lose the Quaffle— falling into Roxanne's hands. Tricky move, Willow realized with pride, but they pulled it off. They had been listening to her when she went on long rants about the plays! James always brought her back.

"THE SNITCH HAS BEEN SPOTTED!"

The game remained close— the Gryffindors gaining the lead in the beginning, but Slytherin was still on theeir heels. Throughout the game, Willow narrowly missed getting mauled by a Bludger three times, James nearly fell off his broom in excitement of Willow scoring a tricky goal, and Fred kept getting penalties for being a little too aggressive with his bat.

"THIS IS BLOODY CLOSE!" George shouted as Al streamed past the stands, everyone ducking— strands of hair skimming his feet.

They needed to catch the snitch in order to win. If they didn't, the game was Slytherin's and Willow was going to be in disgrace for the rest of her entire life and suddenly, she saw death flash before her—literally.

Her broom moved out from under her, and suddenly the feeling of falling was pitted in her stomach— when Willow realized she was falling, she realized she was literally going to die. A bludger had hit the end of her broom. George Jordan's words were nothing to her and it felt like the crowd stopped talking.

She didn't hear James' yell or see him fly frantically over to her, but she somehow felt his presence against hers. In that next moment, an arm caught onto hers and she looked up to see the person who saved her, but she already knew from how his hand melted into hers.

"Here," He nodded. "You didn't think I wouldn't catch you again, did you?" The crowd cheered in response until an Albus Potter weakily said from the air. "Guys? I caught the Snitch?"

"GRYFFINDOR WINS!"

* * *

Somehow, throughout all the shouts of celebration and cheer, the screaming, random people hugging, James found his way towards Willow.

She was next to the cup, engaged in screams of excitement with Roxanne.

All he knew was that he had wanted to cut off a limb to save Willow from falling and that they had achieved their Hogwarts' dreams together. It was a beautiful feeling and he wanted to bask in it with her. When he saw her, though, all he could think about was that he loved her— more than she knew, more that she realized.

"James!" Roxanne exclaimed as he walked towards them. "Sorry, Roxy," He muttered, only looking at Willow.

And then he kissed her.

It all felt so normal but he realized later how dramatic and theatric it all may have seemed. James didn't really care about how crowded it was, how everyone would see them, including his parents and entire extended family. It was all the castle would later talk about for the following weeks and his family would never let him live it down.

James didn't care, though. Not in the moment. And neither did Willow.

She would care later, but for now, it felt like the only way to express how they felt at the time.

After they broke apart, James whispered very quietly, not looking up at how others reacted around them, "I do love you."

Willow smiled.

James knew something deep within their relationship had just changed in this moment, but nothing on the surface did.

"Don't forget me, okay?"


	20. And It Continues

* * *

Willow Wood didn't feel much of anything anymore.

It wasn't like it was a bad thing. She didn't feel things before James Sirius Potter walked into her life. She started feeling things then— romantic things, scary things, angry things, _real things_.

And ever since she pushed him out, the feelings stopped. It didn't happen suddenly, the first minute after he left, she had felt things— tears running down her face kind-of-things.

She didn't remember when she just stopped feeling anything. There were memories in the past years that she still could feel; They win the Quidditch Cup. James tells Willow that he wants a relationship after they win the cup. They talk for hours at the afterparty. Willow leaves. James shags another girl and then more in the summer. James moves on during the fall. Willow doesn't. They both make the team for Puddlemere United. They act like strangers. They don't talk. James and Marie, a fellow Chaser for the team, start dating and fall in love.

Willow probably officially stopped feeling things after that. It was almost a year now and she was emotionless, she was Willow Wood again.

She felt like her old self again. She didn't care and she didn't didn't even feel anything even as she bounced up and down roughly, jostling the bed frame of Jamie Hannigan, a Beater on the Puddlemere United team.

She didn't really want to start _socializing_ with a teammate, but he agreed that he just needed a nice shag.

Willow was that. And Jamie was fine, a bit of an asshole sometimes, but overall fine. He had a nice mattress so Willow was fine with it all together. She didn't feel anything at all as she rolled off him and on her side— not even when he commented lazily after, "You're amazing in the sack."

Maybe there was a small twinge in her heart, but nonetheless, she felt absolutely nothing at all. Willow would rather feel nothing at all than everything. It was easier that way.

"We have practice in a few minutes," She said to Jamie. He smiled a crooked smile. She didn't return it. She didn't talk much anymore. She didn't smile much either.

"Let's just go to practice," She replied curtly.

"Don't talk much, do you?" She raised a dubious eyebrow before grabbing her wand. Jamie let out a breathy laugh.

"You know, I still find it hard to believe that you are the same age as Potter." Willow blanched.

Willow and James hadn't told the team about their previous relationship, but she was always suspicious that Jamie knew. everyone else probably just assumed the two were just normal teammates like the rest of them. The first practice they both showed up at, James walked past Willow, stone-faced, as if he didn't know her and she did the same.

"I'm not going to be late for practice talking about this."

"You act so much older than you are. Most girls your age get attached fast." Jamie was in his late twenties— they never clarified how old he was exactly, but he was enough to say things like that.

"Whatever," She mumbled, looking pointedly at the clock. "Look what time it is. We're going to be late."

"Alright, then." They apparated out and she felt her body stiffen as she stepped out on the pitch. Quidditch was something she once loved, but lately, it was something she did. The rush and high she'd feel on the field was harder to find. Seeing James and Marie everyday was mentally stultifying.

"Hey, mate!" Jamie greeted hello to his partner in crime, Rachel, the other beater. Willow walked silently to her locker, shoving her stuff in it.

"What's up with her?" Willow heard the keeper, her father's successor, Jeffrey McGregor ask. He wasn't as good as her dad, but he had kept at it for almost fifteen years— playing so long that people were confused at when he would exactly retire.

"She's feeling quiet today," Jamie muttered. Willow didn't say anything. She had become more subdued since graduating, much more quiet. She wasn't as friendly, but she wasn't too mean. She was just there.

Almost perfectly, James and Marie came floating in. It seemed like they were constantly holding hands. "Hey guys," Marie beamed, pulling her red hair up. She was the exact type of girl James wanted, Willow knew this. Marie was sweet, kind, and respectful. She just seemed so free. Her red hair only added fuel to the fire— a Potter with a redhead was like a fish in water. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," Rachel said while Jeffrey hummed, "Oh, to be young and in love." Willow looked at my locker again, unhappy with the contents in it. Something was missing.

"Where did my bloody wand go?" The team drew their eyes towards her. A word from her was rare.

"I dunno," Jamie shrugged while searching his pockets. "You apparated with it, didn't you?"

"Maybe you dropped it on the ground and it rolled under the lockers," Rachel, the other beater, said kindly.

"Shit," Willow cursed out loud. She dropped to all fours to examine the floor closer which elicited a chuckle from Jeffrey and a crude joke from Jamie.

"Yeah, that's one way to get her on her knees." Willow immediately flushed— as did James— and scrambled up to her feet.

"Where else could it be?" She said. "Beats me," Rachel said. "I'm going to do warmup laps."

"Yeah, me too," Jeffrey joined in. "I'm too old for this. So are my ears." That was always his excuse.

Jamie turned as if he was going to follow and Willow sent him a glance. "What?"

"Don't be such an arse," She said.

"I like riling you up," He grinned widely. "It makes you more fun in— "

"Shut up," Willow hissed, glancing over at Marie and James' reactions.

"Oh, please," Jamie snorted. "They know we screw around. The entire team knows."

She didn't say anything to this. She would've been angry at Jamie but she _didn't really feel anything_. "I still need to find my bloody wand."

"Is it this one? Holly and— "

"Yeah, that's it," Willow snatched it from James' hand. She hated how he pretended not to know. Or maybe he really didn't remember. She didn't know which was worse.

Once practice was over, Willow hurried off to the showers. Jamie caught up with her, jogging slightly.

"Hey, are you mad at me?"

"No," Willow lied.

"You sure?" His blonde hair, the type of blonde that is neither light or dark, was sweaty from practice. She found him repulsive in this moment.

"Does it matter?"

"Guess not." He blinked. They ended up going back to his flat after practice.

"Did you come?" He puffed as he flopped on his side of the bed. "Uh huh," was Willow's response.

Jamie rolled his eyes. "You're a bad liar," He accused, pausing before he asked the following.

"How long did you two know each other? Potter, I mean."

Willow felt her heart drop. She didn't know he knew. Had it been so obvious?

"The rest of the team doesn't have a clue that you two used to fuck." Jamie said. Despite her wanting to believe their relationship was just fucking, she cringed at the phrasing. "I just have a good sense for these types of things. Plus, I know you two went to Hogwarts."

"Since our first year in Hogwarts," She admitted quietly. "Is it really that obvious?"

"No," Jamie rose from the bed. "It was just the way you looked at him today. You really loved him, didn't you?" Willow nodded silently. "Not anymore."

"Yeah, I can see that." She wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not. She didn't trust telling Jamie more— she didn't even trust him with knowing the simple details of her day.

"I know you're going to get going now," He said. "But before departing, I must say time and time again, you are an amazing shag."

Willow didn't say anything. She never took that as a compliment, but she no longer found it insulting— not to sound like a broken record or anything, but Willow didn't feel much of anything. Sometimes, _absolutely nothing at all._


	21. The Uselessness of Almost

* * *

James found himself almost talking to Willow again. They always had these random moments in the locker room whenever they were alone— one of them (James) opens their mouths as if to say something— then nothing comes out.

It happened after a particularly grueling practice, the two of them the last to come out the showers. James could hear her hair dripping on the ground and wished she would just dry his hair with a spell.

He opened his mouth to tell her— but he predicted her eyes would blink with confusion and her to reply in Willow's monosyllabic way, a defensive "okay," and it would feel like we were never friends. Like they never knew each other.

James reflected on this moment as he sat quietly in his shared flat with Fred. Fred was in training to take over his father's business, but that was expected of him anyways. In the meantime, he worked a desk job at Gringotts which he neither hated or enjoyed.

"What's made you so quiet?" Fred asked. James nodded his head towards the couch where Emma Longbottom sat.

The girl had changed since Hogwarts— still shy, but now with a newfound, quiet confidence. She was working at the Ministry, her title constantly shifting due to what seemed like promotion after promotion. She and Fred had developed a suspiciously close relationship that James was pretty sure would end up in a messy relationship of the sort.

He warned Fred against sleeping with her and Fred had responded that she was not the kind of girl that would anyways.

"So, Willow," Fred blurted. James growled and Emma pretended to not have heard, but her raised eyebrows said different.

"You wanker," James said, his ears pink. "I'm over her," He directed to Emma who just nodded to humour him.

"Yeah, sure." Fred scoffed and James shot him a warning look. He was over Willow Wood in many ways, but it wasn't like he could wash her entirely out of his system. She still popped up time and again.

Seeing her almost everyday didn't help. He had known her since their first year of Hogwarts, had seen her almost everyday.

When he didn't see her the entire summer after they graduated, it nearly killed him. They were constant figures in each other's lives, to lose each other felt like death to James at least.

They didn't even mean to join the same team, but it just happened that they choose Puddlemere United which James found to be both a cruel yet comforting coincidence. James got the best offer from Puddlemere, plus he thought it had the greatest chance of him moving up from reserves quickly.

Willow wasn't too happy about joining her father's old team when he was her age, but he had been so proud when she told him, she decided that it was the right choice. She hadn't gotten any offers from Holyhead Harpies which she cried about for a bit. But truthfully, Willow had cried all summer about James anyways so it wasn't anything new.

James had cried nearly all summer too, replaying Willow's rejection over and over in his head. _You're going to forget all about me when you find someone you can actually love._

He thought about their long alcohol-induced argument during the after party, how she kept telling him _it won't work_ over and over again. How she had let him have the moment when they kissed in the middle of the field, but quietly reminded him that it wasn't going to happen. _Don't forget me._

This made James so confused because how could he ever forget her? He protested to her at the after-party and she had just shook her head and assured him that he will.

She had hugged him so tightly when James finally gave up on fighting for them, like it was the last time she'd ever see him. How was she to know that they would end up on the same professional Quidditch team together?

But James did move on in the summer— slowly he let go of the thought of him and Willow together, just as she started to embrace the very same thought. It was a strange thing, but Willow had never got it in her head that she and James were one and whole together, that his love was genuine and worthwhile. But most of all, she had never got it her head that she really did love him.

But James had and he had released that idea of him and Willow together forever. He recognized it as a dream; Willow didn't want him, it would never work because she didn't want it to. So once he moved on, he felt full again, he was able to date other girls and not feel guilty afterwards.

But James didn't release Willow or the love he had for her from all his memories which made it harder for him to see her and Jamie leave practice together. Sometimes, he'd want to slam Jamie against the wall, but other days, he'd just grit his teeth and swallow his anger. As it looked to James, Willow didn't seem to care about him and Marie.

Not that he wanted her to care, but he would've liked to see her show any emotion nowadays. It was like she was a whole new person after Hogwarts. She had always been moody, but quiet was not a word he'd use to describe her. Yet, she had become so quiet and reserved, not the Willow he remembered.

Marie had come into the picture much later. She sent him an intriguing look during his first practice as a professional Quidditch player and the two had flirted a bit afterwards when they were alone. James asked her to coffee, she said yes, and that was it. There was nothing special about it, typical of how most relationships start. It wasn't like him and Willow, all the fighting and rivalry and friendship and relationship and secret relationship, all the ups and downs. But he decided that he preferred the simplicity compared to the dramatics. It was just so much easier. He didn't have to fight for Marie, it felt all very normal and good.

* * *

"It's great," Marie and James were eating dinner at her flat. She had made pasta that tasted of citrus, something that she made often. James normally would just order takeout or make an astonishingly terrible version of a recipe his mum had sent him. But Marie cooked for herself every night and consequently, James when he came over.

"I'm glad you like it," Marie said, tucking a piece of her red hair back. James' family loved that Marie was a redhead. His uncle Ron said he was taking after his father which made him chuckle. "I know the idea of lemon and pasta creeped you out at first."

"It just seemed weird, like lemon flavour is for biscuits. But I guess," James got up to get a second helping. "Pasta as well." She giggled.

"Fred wouldn't be able to comprehend eating this well everyday," He declared. "Sometimes, he just eats candy for dinner. Literally he'll take a handful of chocolates, a firewhiskey, and call it a night."

Marie let out an ugly, barking laugh which James liked about her. He liked that she let herself laugh as much as she wanted. It was very freeing to watch. "He should come over for dinner sometime," She added once her laughter subsided. "You're over here so much anyways, he probably gets lonely."

"No," James shook his head. "Fred prefers me out, he can get laid easier without having a roommate that's there all the time."

"Erm, James," Marie placed her hand on his. He looked up at her expectantly, taking in her angular, catlike eyes and bright complexion. "Have you ever thought about maybe moving in with me?"

James nearly spat out the pasta.

His immediate reaction was to scream "NO!" over and over again, but he didn't know why. He liked Marie, they had never actually had any big fights, only small disputes that got resolved with a joke from James that would make her smile.

"I can't stay mad at you," She would always say.

And she didn't ever make James mad, only sometimes he did feel weird about himself with her. She was older than him, twenty two, but three years was nothing, or so James thought. She felt so mature to him, so grown up.

He was only nineteen, almost twenty, but still, he felt like he was a kid. And moving in with his girlfriend? That wasn't what he thought he would be doing at this age.

Marie, having noticed the horrified look on James' face, patted his hand and added, "You don't have to say yes— I just...Godric, was that too soon to ask? I just thought since you're here all the time anyways and you just said Fred doesn't mind when you're gone so I just assumed— " The redhead was now talking a mile a minute, something she did when she was nervous which James found both cute and overwhelmingly stressful.

"I just— " He broke through her babbling. "— I just need to think about it for a day or so." An awkward tension between the two rose. Marie twirled a noodle on her fork, stealing glances at James whose eyebrows were furrowed up in concentration.

"I want to say yes," He lied when he noticed her staring. "What's making you hesitate?" She asked.

"Well," James paused. He had never been known for his subtlety, known more for his lack of. He didn't know how to say the next words without sounding like an arse. "I'm nineteen. Well, basically twenty. It just feels like I'm moving through my twenties too fast. I don't know that sounds dumb, but I never imagined myself moving in with a girlfriend until I'm past twenty one at least..."

"Not even with her?" Marie didn't say this to be catty, but her voice sounded on edge. "That was different," he quickly said. She squinted her eyes but didn't push the subject.

He opened up about his past relationship with Willow to her on one of their first dates and had expected Marie to tell him to fuck off, but she was understanding and curious. He had, of course, assured her that he was no longer committed to Willow.

Truthfully, James didn't think his and Willow's future (when he thought they had a future) through entirely. But he did automatically assume that it would entail getting a flat with her which at the time didn't feel like he would be moving through his twenties too fast. Maybe it was because he was just so certain they would be forever, that she would always be a constant in his life. He irrationally felt as though Marie was asking him to settle down with her. He didn't think of Marie and him as forever, but he did love her and did not want to lose her.

Marie let out a sigh which James raised an eyebrow at. "What was that?"

"Nothing," She said. "Well, okay, fine. I'm getting the feeling that you don't want to be in a committed relationship."

"What?" He reacted to this with a nervous laugh. He didn't enjoy one night stands or casual dating. That just wasn't James, he liked being with one person and one person only. "You know how I feel about no strings attached." She did, having asked James more than enough questions about the nature of his relationship with Willow.

"I'm not talking about that," Marie said. "I think you don't want a serious relationship right now. You graduated Hogwarts about a year ago, you're still settling to young adulthood. I get it."

"But I don't want to see other people," James protested.

"Then what do you want?" James didn't know. He wanted a serious relationship with Marie, but he didn't realize that entailed moving in.

"If I move in, my family will start planning our wedding and naming our future children, you know?" James shrugged his shoulders back.

"Oh," She responded. Marie and him were never clear about what they were getting themselves into, but James had assumed they both did not date to marry. He didn't see marriage as his end goal with Marie, he just liked spending time with her. Was that not valid?

She looked up at him mournfully. "Do you just not want to move in with me? Is it me?"

"No," James squeezed her hand. "It's not you, not at all. I mean, why did you ask me to move in?"

"Because," She paused. "It just makes sense, like the next stage of our relationship, I suppose."

"I wasn't thinking about marriage, just so you know." She added. "But I do want this relationship to be serious— "

"So do I." James was pretty sure that he was telling the truth.

"Okay," She said. "So...?"

"Okay," He said softly. "Okay. Yeah. Let me talk to Fred first, but yeah. I'll move in with you."


	22. Running, Confronting

* * *

"James is moving in with Marie," Emma reported to Willow the following day. Fred had accidentally let it slip to her and she had, of course, told her good friend.

For a split second, Willow's eyes were aghast, her smile slipping, her pain evident. But she quickly regained her composure. "Okay," She tried her best to sound calm and cool. "A bit soon, but I suppose it was expected, right?"

"Willow," Emma began, but Willow refused to talk about it any further, instead insisting they go out that night. And the following night. And the following night of the following night and so on.

Even though they had known each other for over seven years, Willow had never opened up to Emma or Taylor or Roxanne about anything. They were her best friends so she would tell them little things, like about her crushes and who she had gone out with, she had told them about her mum and dad's relationship, but she never went too in depth. She talked on hours end with all of them in their fifth year when Willow's reputation plummeted for the worse. She told them about what she was feeling, but never to the root of why she was feeling that way.

It wasn't like she didn't trust them, she did. She was just, for some reason, terrified of opening up to anyone. She had with James, he was the first person she really opened up to— certainly, the first boy.

She didn't know why he had made her feel so safe to say whatever she wanted and why she wanted to. She thought he might have been her best friend. But she had screwed that relationship up, which only reinforced her fear to ever open up and she immediately went back to her private nature.

* * *

"Rough night?" Jamie asked as Willow stumbled into the Puddlemere locker rooms a few days later.

"More like rough few nights?" Rachel quipped. "The Daily Prophet is having a field day with you." Willow knew. Headlines and photos accompanying said headlines declared her to be Oliver Wood's Wild Child, a reckless party girl. She wasn't too upset, having gone through much worse at Hogwarts. She was relieved that they didn't call her a slag or anything like that.

"All those photos are only from one night," Willow grumbled, shaking out her mussed up hair. She didn't remember doing anything too much of importance, but then again, she didn't really remember that night at all. "I just don't understand why they stretched it out for three days."

"Because you're fresh meat," Jamie replied with a teasing smile, running a hand along her arm. Willow murmured something unintelligible and moved her arm away from him. Rachel let out a yawn at that moment and James came bounding into the locker room, as if it wasn't seven in the morning. His eyes were exhausted, but his smile shined brightly.

"Morning," He boomed. "Whose excited to start this day?" No one expressed their excitement. James waved them off and began opening his locker.

"Where's your girlfriend, Potter?" Chase, the seeker, asked. "She's making small-talk with Coach," James said. Their coach, Jack, was tough, but easy-going when he wanted to be. Willow found him neither special nor unremarkable. James began humming a Weird Sister song.

"Someone got laid this morning," Chase commented, making Rachel and Jamie snicker quite obnoxiously.

"Perhaps I did, Chase," James responded lightly. "You wouldn't know much of that, though." Willow couldn't help but let out a small giggle, something both Jamie and James did not let go unnoticed.

"Anyways, back to Wood being trashed by Rita Skeeter," Chase, embarrassed, quickly changed the subject. "What'd she say exactly?"

"No," Willow groaned. James stopped humming, curious about the article. "Wood's Wild-Child," Jamie declared, grabbing Willow by the shoulders as she squirmed uncomfortably. "Older men, all-night partying, shots, a tight dress, and lots of PDA— that's Willow Wood's typical night."

"Bloody hell, did you memorize it or something?" Willow exclaimed, turning to face him with disgust. "Just about," Jamie beamed a cocky smile at her. "Hey, I'm kidding, Wood, here." He thrusted the paper to her which she shoved away. "No thanks," she muttered.

"I don't blame you," Rachel, the only other girl besides Marie on the team, sympathized. "Can't say I would like it if they were calling me a slag or something." That was news to Willow, now incredulous as she snatched the paper from Jamie.

"They called me a slag?"

"You didn't read it?" Chase seemed surprised. She shook her head, frantically skimming the article. Rachel was now explaining that they only implied she was slag, they didn't actually use the word— but Willow was too focused on the article to listen. _Wood spent the night with no big celebrity heartthrob, nor a mystery man as sh_ e did not stick to _one man. Rumour has it, sh_ e _gets around quite easily._

It wasn't the worst thing that could be said about her, but she didn't like thinking about it. She figured the world was mature enough not to care, but she was wrong. Willow could feel the onset of tears building up, trying to suppress the urge to cry.

James stared rather hard at Willow, studying her worried expression as she frantically scanned over the Daily Prophet column. "Rita Skeeter is a nasty person," He said casually. "I wouldn't take anything she says to heart." Willow looked up at him with widened eyes. The two shared an intense look before she moved her gaze downwards.

"Yeah," Chase agreed. "She's a disgrace of a reporter."

"Thanks," She practically whispered, more to James than Chase. "I've heard worse, anyways."

"Is Hogwarts that cruel of a place nowadays?" Jeffrey, who never joined in on the conversations, asked. He had gone to Hogwarts ages ago.

"Yes," Willow and James replied at the same time, both flushing. Before the team could make the connection that the two were in the same year at Hogwarts and probably knew each other before Puddlemere, Marie came in, followed by John and Puddlemere's perky publicist Serafina Browne.

"Listen up here, team," John called out as Marie took a seat next to James. "I've got big news, er, Serafina does." The short, squatty dirty blonde was dressed in a sleek tangerine coloured dress with matching heels. She looked completely out of place, but she had grown on the team.

"Puddlemere," Serafina paused for dramatics, "is getting a coveted spot in the Quidditch media coverage. Witch Weekly, every year, features one Quidditch team for their fall issue. And guess which team they choose?"

"The Cannons?" Willow muttered under her breath sarcastically. "Puddlemere! Us!" She jumped up and down before regaining her composure. "So, a reporter will be coming here probably for a week, along with a photographer. She'll be taking short interviews during practice, nothing too disruptive, and the photographer will snap a few photos throughout the week. And then of course, we'll have a short photoshoot where she'll follow up with more questions. Now, what is most important about this is that we show team unity. There must be a general consensus we all agree upon which is a team first mentality and mutual respect."

"So what do you want us to say?" James asked bluntly, causing Marie to hit his arm lightly. Willow herself had been thinking that as well. She wasn't sure if she could handle another article.

"I'm not going to feed you lines," The peppy blonde responded. "But, something along the lines of 'We all respect each other as people and players, the team is strongest when we are together.' Sounds good? And for the couples," Serafina pointedly looked at James. "I need you two to not be boring, be cute. We'll get the most attention if we have a cute couple. People will want to keep an eye Puddlemere."

"Are you asking for us to fake drama?" James retorted again. He was never a fan of publicists, he found their job weird. Serafina shook her head profusely.

"No, on the contrary," She said. "We don't want drama, it'll lead to a distasteful article. We don't want any rumours of drama within the team or with other people. We want to portray Puddlemere as one and united. So, if there is anything from your past or now that you suspect might lead to such an article, I need you to disclose them to me by today so we can prepare a plan of action."

Willow wondered if she and James should bring up their history— the team didn't know about her and James really, hadn't even make the connection they were in the same year at Hogwarts, no conception of their history or past, excluding Marie and Jamie. She glanced over at James who was hand in hand with Marie and decided she wouldn't say anything.

James was wondering the same exact thing. But he didn't really think it would be that big of a deal. No one even knew the extent of their relationship since most of it had been in secret anyways. Besides, Serafina would just give them a generic response to say and James personally didn't want their history to be watered down.

* * *

The Witch Weekly interview had, much to their great annoyance, thrown off practice despite what Serafina promised. While the photographer distractedly snapped pictures of the team practicing, the interviewer asked to interview each member one by one— meaning that they were down one player when practicing.

The interviewer, Sylvia Abbasi, had gone to Hogwarts. She was played on the Ravenclaw Quidditch teams a few grades above Willow and James. They both recognized her immediately. "Seeker," James heard himself blurt. Willow instinctively rushed in with more details, "Ravenclaw." They had shared a glance— maybe it was happy, maybe it was nostalgic— but the feeling afterwards was just uncomfortable. The team took notice of this rare interaction between the two Chasers, but no one made a comment.

James got interviewed after Marie and before Willow. He greeted Sylvia with a kind smile as she expressed her surprise that Willow and James had remembered her.

"Yeah," James laughed nervously. "We've just got a good memory when it comes to Quidditch. Obsessed, some may call it."

"I remember. Cute that you and Willow are still playing on the same team," Sylvia added casually. James felt his heart pound. "I remember you two from when I attended."

"Yeah, we had a friendly competition going on," James said, referring to their relationship before Sylvia had graduated. He hoped she was unaware of what they progressed to in their later years in Hogwarts.

"Of course," She smiled. "What about now? You two just graduated. How have things changed since Hogwarts?"

"I think we've since learned that teamwork is more important than being the best as an individual," He said. "Being Chasers and all, you know?" He hoped he didn't sound like an idiot. Sylvia, satisfied with this answer, moved on from including Willow in her questions which put James at ease. He answered these questions with the confidence and frankness that he was known for.

"So, you're dating your teammate Marie. When I spoke to her, she mentioned that you two just moved in together. How do you find maintaining a professional relationship on the field?" James had prepared for this question.

"Oh," He said. "It's no problem for me. It's actually beneficial to both our relationship and the team— we continue to build our trust with each other through working together and our close relationship adds to the team's dynamics."

Sylvia hummed and James started to rise from his seat. "You're both Chasers, too. I can imagine how vital teamwork is to that. I also understand that Willow is also a chaser and that you and Willow had a romantic relationship in your final years at Hogwarts."

"Yeah, we— " James started to say something, but his voice cut off once he actually processed what she had said. "Shit. Wait, sorry, I— can you like, not add this in?" Sylvia smiled apologetically. There was a beat of silence. James gulped air. "What was the question again?

"How do you find maintaining a professional relationship with your ex-girlfriend?"

He blinked a few times, not having expected her to ask this, not knowing why he didn't expect this question. He felt stupid for not considering it was something that clearly presented as drama. He felt even more stupid for not preparing an answer.

"Uh," James started, racking his brain for an acceptable answer. "I mean, I've known her since my first year, I've never played on an official Quidditch without her. So we play well together, we work well together because we have known each other for so long. Quidditch was a big part of our bond, we loved it to a point past most others. I think we really understood each other in that sense. Our shared passion established this respect between us. Besides, she's a brilliant Chaser, she's a bloody maniac about perfecting her technique. Really, that girl is a perfectionist when it comes to Quidditch." He laughed, then paused to take a breath.

"I do care for her and hold much love for her still...I never had any doubt, regardless of our relationship status **,** that we would be able to work together effectively."

"And is it hard to work so closely with both your current girlfriend and past?" James inwardly groaned.

"Of course," He blurted, quickly adding, "At first. But I think— we've moved on. My respect for her, our love for Quidditch, I think it lets us find ways to work smoothly."

"Nice," Sylvia nodded. "Sorry if those questions were kind of rough. Witch Weekley's readers are curious about that sort of thing." He numbly nodded. The rest of the interview went by and soon, it was Willow's turn.

"She wants to speak with you next," James told Willow as he returned to the pitch where she was currently running a lap around. "Right now?" She panted, stopping to catch her breath. "Coach is making us run laps, by the way."

"Brilliant," James said. "I'm all sweaty, too," She added, making a face. James smiled slightly, but pulled her close, speaking in a low tone, as if he wanted no one to hear this.

"She asked about us." Willow drew herself away from him quickly.

"So about..." Her voice trailed off.

"You know what."

Willow almost sunk into the pitch.

"I was caught off-guard, I kept fucking stammering." James chuckled awkwardly. "I thought telling you in advance would give you a little time to think of a good answer. Maybe if you give a good answer, they won't use mine and Serafina won't be as mad that we didn't disclose our past relationship to her."

Willow didn't really hear what he was saying amidst all her thoughts running around and yelling at her. All she could do was think about how badly this would go. She hadn't talked about James openly to anyone at all. Especially not someone she barely knew.

Her entire body shook from a mixture of muscle exhaustion and anxiety. James placed his hands on her shoulders to steady her. "You alright?"

"James, don't touch me." His face turned dark and red and he quickly drew back.

"I— " Willow put a hand over her mouth. "I don't know why I said that, I didn't even mean to say that. I'm sorry. I'm just kind of freaking out and you touching me is just more— I didn't mean it. Sorry."

"No," James shook his head. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Neither was I." They burst into awkward silence. They didn't know what to say. "I should go get interviewed now."

"Yeah, yeah," James cleared his throat. "Try not to worry, it's just one interview."

"I'll try." Willow muttered. She took her time on the walk to Sylvia.

"So, it's just Witch Weekly," Sylvia explained. "Nothing too deep or serious. These questions are gonna be brief, but I might ask some follow up questions later during the shoot. So, I suppose my first question— you're a new face on the team, fresh off reserves. How does it feel to be a member of Puddlemere United?"

"It feels great," Willow said her rehearsed answer. "I've always wanted to play Quidditch professionally and obviously, I was raised a diehard Puddlemere United fan so playing for them is even better. The teamwork is strong and it's rewarding to work with people you hold in high regards."

"Yes, your dad was the Keeper of Puddlemere United, his first position as a professional Quidditch player like you. How do you feel your experience on Puddlemere differed from his?"

"Well, my dad was the one who introduced me to Quidditch, taught me and trained me as a kid. So, I think about Quidditch using his framework so I wouldn't say we're so different in how we play and think. I would say our experiences on Puddlemere are different though. We both got to experience the power of teamwork, but we're different positions obviously, so, as a Chaser, I am more involved with direct teamwork so I think my biggest lesson I learned was the importance of trust."

"I see." Sylvia flashed her teeth. "I can't imagine how Oliver Wood was as not only a father, but as a coach. How do you feel like having a professional Quidditch player as your dad influenced you growing up?"

"I'm grateful for it," Willow said. "I am. I would not be here if it was not for his guidance or training. The access I had to Quidditch and proper foundational skills was fundamental to my ability to succeed. But as for the rest of it, the celebrity of it all...I think growing up, having all your actions magnified for no reason was weird. Fame isn't something I want necessarily, but I suppose it comes with this career." Willow eased a bit as Sylvia asked more questions, but she remained alert for the James question.

"How are you dealing with the team dynamic?"

"It's good. Like I said, we all have deep respect for one another and prioritize the team. We know how to work with each other and communicate."

"What about James Sirius Potter?" Willow quickly twisted her wince into a smile. Even though James had warned her of this question and she felt it coming, Willow's stomach still jolted.

"What about him?" She hoped she sounded calmer than she felt. Sylvia laughed slightly. "Come on. Not to break my interviewer persona, but I went to Hogwarts. I played against you two. I wasn't blind to your relationship and energy. I heard from several resources that you and James dated. I heard the two of you were madly in love. What was it like?" Willow knew Sylvia was trying to sound like a casual girl friend to get her to open up, but Willow wasn't falling for it. Again, she didn't even open up to her best friends about this.

"We weren't." Willow said flatly, going into shutdown mode. "Madly in love, I mean."

"Well, you two were something." Sylvia looked at her dead in the eyes, forcing Willow to meet her eye line but she refused to say anything more. Sylvia moved onto the next question.

"So, with James and Marie dating, how does that affect the team? How does that affect the chasers?"

"It doesn't. We all work well, very smoothly together. The three of us love this team and Quidditch too much to let insignificant details from the past get in the way."

"So, your previous relationship doesn't affect the chasers' dynamic?" Willow shook her head. Sylvia made a face. Willow had a feeling that James and her were going to get quite the scolding tomorrow.

And she was right.

* * *

* * *

"What the hell is wrong with this team?"

Willow heard Serafina's furious shrieks from outside of the locker room. She breathed out a sigh of relief, grateful to have stayed behind after practice, wanting to work on her aim just a bit longer. Serafina could go from sunshine to thunderstorm real quick. Willow didn't want to experience the thunderstorm upclose and personal.

"Someone find me those two! Those immature nineteen year old BRATS!"

Willow realized that the publicist's earth shattering screams were caused by her and James. Just as she was about to surrender herself and her pounding heart, a familiar hand grabbed her wrist, yanking her backwards.

"Please do not scream."

"You bring this everywhere with you?" Willow was surprised James still made use of the invisibility cloak.

"Just in case," He confirmed without a hint of embarrassment. "Serafina's lost it. She's really— " Multiple footsteps sounded near and they quickly shut up.

"Oi! Potter?" It was Rachel and Chase. "Wood?"

"What'd you reckon they did?" Rachel said. Chase shrugged. "Haven't even seen those two ever have a proper conversation before."

"Whatever it is, she's lost her fucking head."

The beater took a step dangerously close to where James and Willow were standing, causing them, in return, to push their bodies farther from the entrance, stumbling back against the wall ungracefully. James practically fell backwards while Willow struggled to steady herself against his chest.

They ended up closer than they were before, sweat covered face to sweat covered face. He smiled goofily at her.

"Let's just go back in," Chase said and the two left.

"She's really gone mad," James finished his previous statement. His hair was plastered to his forehead, sweaty from a combination of the summer heat and the particularly grueling practice.

Plus, under the surprisingly heavy cloak and being shoved up next to him, the heat really was making the both of them sweat like pigs.

"We should've just told her," Willow muttered. "I was just...I felt weird about...well, you know."

"No, me too," James said. They didn't need to communicate with words. "Damn, it's hot as balls." Willow couldn't help but smile.

"You're sweating like crazy, Potter." He missed her calling him that.

"Wood, _you're_ sweating like crazy." She missed him calling her that.

"I know," She said. "I can't help it, it's this cloak. What's it made out of?" James shrugged.

"Magic, I reckon." Willow repressed a laugh as he lifted a hand to swipe his hair back.

"Admit it, you wanted to laugh."

"Can't say I did," She replied.

"Yeah?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Willow smiled slightly.

"Yeah," James smirked, then he blurted, "This feels like Hogwarts again."

"Oh," Willow seemed to be confused at what this meant. "I mean," James said. "We're talking and joking and we're acting normal again."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," She said. "Kind of nice, I suppose."

"I'll say. I missed you, Willow." She blushed— and not because of the heat. If they weren't sweating, if it wasn't so bloody hot, if he wasn't promised to someone else, if they weren't hiding for the reason they were, this could've been considered flirting.

Right as Willow thought that, a sharp heel prodded her foot.

"AH!" They both sprung apart, screaming while the invisibility cloak was snatched off. Serafina, the owner of the finger, stood with her arms folded and face red— not because of the heat either. The team were standing close behind her, gawking at the sight of the two and their sweatiness.

James' shirt was almost soaked. It was, in a word, gross. He immediately whipped out his wand, using it to pour water over himself, too hot to even glance over at the other's reactions.

"Want some?" He asked Willow, breathless. Serafina let out a record-breaking screech.

"YOU TWO! YOU TWO BLOODY IDIOTS!" The short blonde was sweating herself, but again, not because of the heat. "I specifically TOLD everyone on the team to DISCLOSE ANY DRAMA FROM YOUR PAST! ANYTHING! Yet NEITHER of you! NEITHER DISCLOSED!"

A drop of sweat fell off Willow's face. James offered his wand/hose.

"What was it exactly?" Rachel, ever so noisy, blurted. Serafina narrowed her eyes.

"These two bloody idiots thought they could hide the fact that they dated all throughout Hogwarts."

"WHAT?" Rachel looked sinister with this piece of gossip while Chase's eyes bugged and despite Jeffrey's claims that he didn't involve himself in drama, he looked as invested as the rest of them. Only Jamie and Marie remained calm.

"It wasn't all throughout," Willow blurted and immediately regretted it once she saw how menacing Serafina was looking at her.

"Well, how would I know that?" She retorted. "You didn't disclose any of the details to me. Why would you two think that this wouldn't bring up any drama?"

"We didn't thi— " James started but she cut him off.

"Yeah, you sure didn't think. You bloody idiots. I received a copy of the transcript of interview." Serafina had a glaringly unpleasant look on her face. "We're going to need to discuss this in private."

"Is that necessary?" James said while handing Willow his wand. "I mean, I don't think the answers we gave were very controversial or dramatic— " Serafina screamed so loud that Willow jumped, accidentally spraying James in the face.

"Wood, you sprayed water up my nose." He groaned.

"It was an accident, swear— "

James took this as an opportunity to spray water in her face and in turn, she clawed at his arms to get the wand from him, leading them into a playful cat-like struggle for the wand/hose, the team observing, trying to imagine what they were like when they dated— until Serafina screamed once again.

"Since you don't want to do this privately," Serafina dangled the transcript of the interview in front of the two. "Listen and learn."

James cursed himself internally. Serafina read from the parchment in a monotone. "Sylvia said, 'I understand that Willow is also a chaser and that you and Willow had a romantic relationship in your final years at Hogwarts.' To which you replied with a stream of stuttering and curse words."

"It was barely a second," James muttered, his ears now pink.

"Then she said, 'How do you find maintaining a professional relationship with your ex-girlfriend?' to which you said 'I've known her since my first year, I've never played on an official Quidditch without her...I do care for her and hold much love for her still...I never had any doubt, regardless of our relationship status **,** that we would be able to work together effectively.'"

"I don't see a problem with that," James stuck his chin out. Serafina held out a finger.

"Yeah? This is Willow's response. Sylvia said to Willow, 'What about James Sirius Potter?' To which Willow responded, 'What about him?' Sylvia then implied that the two of you were madly in love. Which Willow shut down. And then Willow said, 'The three of us love this team and Quidditch too much to let insignificant details from the past get in the way.'"

James couldn't hide how hurt he felt from this statement, looking at Willow with hardened eyes. But she avoided his eye contact, looking down at the ground.

"You two gave contrasting answers to the same question of your relationship. If you had disclosed, we would've worked on a response TOGETHER. You'd two have the same answer and not cause any doubt or suspicion. But you didn't, you had CONTRASTING answers."

"From now on, I want to prep both of you with better answers for interviews and press conferences. And try to look like CASUAL friends when the cameras come out. I'll be seeing you two in my office tomorrow. Am I clear?" Serafina's glare burned through their faces.

James sprayed himself with water once more. "Crystal."

"Bloody idiots," Serafina muttered before walking away, leaving the team alone to revel in the aftermath.

No one moved or said anything for a second. And then James sighed.

"Damn." He said. Willow looked particularly nauseous. "You okay, Wood?" She just stood there, numb and silent. "Wood?"

"NO BLOODY WAY!" Rachel shrieked. The dark haired girl, a notorious gossiper, defied the expectations of what most would assume of a girl beater. "You two?"

She stomped her feet into the ground with excitement. "No bloody way!"

Chase shook his head. "There's no way," He said. "There's no way that you two— I mean— what?"

"Believe it," James shrugged, still looking at Willow's still figure. "Don't make a thing out of this, would you?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Willow said, rushing into the locker room.

"Is she alright?" Marie spoke up. Dread shot up James' veins— how could he have forgotten about Marie amidst all this? He had a feeling she wasn't too happy with him.

The rest of the team seemed to have also forgotten about Marie and James. There was obvious tension in the room now.

"Yeah, she's probably— " James ran a hand through his hair. "I'm gonna check on her."

Before he left, he turned back to the team. "Do not make a thing out of this, I'm begging you."

"Did you know?" Chase directed to Marie. She nodded, looking very awkward, and then immediately followed her boyfriend.

"How did they manage to keep this a secret?" Rachel wondered outloud.

"I mean, most of you didn't attend Hogwarts," Jamie said. Rachel, the only American on the team, chuckled at this revelation. "Well, except Jeffrey but— "

"I know I'm old, you don't have to remind me." Jeffrey muttered. "Wait," Rachel turned to Chase. "Didn't you go to Hogwarts?" He shook his head. "Durmstrang. Wait, Jamie, didn't you go to Hogwarts?" Jamie nodded.

"I was on my last year at Hogwarts when they were little first years. I remember seeing Willow around the corridors. Just a wee thing."

"And now you're fucking her." Rachel said with great disgust. Jamie pretended not to hear it.

"Did you know?" Chase asked.

"Yeah," Jamie said. "Was it not obvious to the rest of you?"

"Well," Chase started. "It does make sense now. Remember that one day I accidentally crashed into her on my broom? James kept giving me dirty looks."

"And they knew that interviewer girl from Hogwarts," Rachel said before turning to Jamie. "But did she tell you?"

"She didn't have to," Jamie retorted. "I can tell from their body language."

"Why," Rachel asked. "did they even keep it a secret?"

"I mean," Jeffrey started to speak. The team went silent, listening intently to the older man, considering him to be quite knowledgable due to his age. "It seems to me that their breakup wasn't exactly pleasant. No closure."

"True," Rachel said. "Did you see the way they were standing next to each other?" As the team continued to trade gossip, Willow was in the showers, considering the option of drowning herself.

Why, she thought to herself, did I choose the same Quidditch team as James Sirius Potter? She was distraught and she could only blame herself. James was happy with Marie. It was obvious she was the better fit for him and now, the whole world would know.

"I think she might drown herself," James muttered to Marie who had a pinched look on her face. The two were waiting in the locker rooms, James pacing back and forth. "Why is she so upset about this? It's not really a big deal, is it?" She asked.

"I don't know," He lied. Truthfully, he felt just as distressed as Willow. Their relationship, although over, still remained open-ended. Plus, he was kind of pissed off the more he thought about Willow's answer about their relationship. Insignificant, she called it. He paused, sneaking a glance at Marie's face. "You're not mad, are you?"

"James," Marie sighed. "I'm not mad. It's just a weird situation for me. I feel— well, obviously I feel jealous."

"You have no reason to," James promised her. "I love you." Willow chose that exact moment to walk in. Despite his anger with her, he couldn't help but care about her well-being. He always cared about her because he felt pained to see her in pain, as if there was a piece of her inside of him.

"Hey, Wood, you're okay, right?"

She didn't say anything which made James feel even more humiliated. She had told Witch Weekly she essentially didn't care about James and here he was, still caring about her. It was like she was embarrassed of him.

"Too cool to even speak to me?" He said bitterly. "What, are you embarrassed to have dated me?"

"You know that's a ridiculous statement," She said, her voice a monotone. James knew her long enough to know that this was her putting her walls up.

"Great," James muttered. "You're not going to be honest, again. Great. Love having mature conversations."

"Like you're so mature?" Willow scoffed.

"Hey, maybe we should all calm down?" Marie asked nervously. James wished his girlfriend would leave. Something about this felt too intimate, she shouldn't have been listening to this conversation.

"I'm going to the showers," James sulked away **,** leaving Willow and Marie alone. Willow didn't say anything, leaning her forehead against the locker.

"Are you feeling okay?" Marie asked kindly. "I'm fine," Willow said, hoping Marie couldn't tell that she started crying. She always cared about what James thought about her more than anything. "Kind of a nightmare of a day."

"Tell me about it," Marie sighed.

"I'm sorry," Willow said. "I didn't want this to be a thing, especially since you two..."

"It's fine," She said. "It's not your fault." That night, Willow went to bed alone, arms wrapped tightly around herself.

She had never been more aware of how alone she was.


	23. Nosey Chasers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: mention of bdsm, sexual assault

* * *

The old/new news of James and Willow's previous relationship hadn't hit the stands yet but it had hit the Puddlemere United team's locker room. The team still hadn't gotten over it a day later.

"I can't believe you two dated," Rachel whispered to Willow after practice. "I mean, you two acted like you barely knew each other."

If she sensed any discomfort, she didn't seem to care.

"Well," Willow shrugged, saying as little and revealing as little as she could. "We went to Hogwarts together. We played on the same Quidditch team. I guess it was bound to happen."

"Huh, Rachel shrugged. "Well, I think you two are cute together."

"Rachel," Willow said. "He's dating Marie. And besides, it happened _eons_ ago, so could we please just move onto another subject?"

"I really do mean it," Rachel said. "The way you— "

Just as she said that, James walked past them, his stoney disposition bringing tension in the room. They were back on no-speaking terms after their small rift in the locker rooms.

Willow raised a hand to her forehead, massaging her temples while her eyes fixed onto his unreadable demeanor. He had always been somewhat obvert with his emotions, always easy to read. But lately, she wasn't able to figure out what he was feeling or why.

"So," Rachel continued on, still oblivious to the tense relations. "Was he a good snogger?"

An image of James kissing her on the Pitch immediately appeared in Willow's mind. And without even realizing it, the corners of her mouth started to turn upwards.

"Oh, my God, so— "

"Hey," James said abruptly, interrupting Rachel. His voice was removed from any expression of anything. She didn't recognize him. "Did you forget about our appointment?"

They still had to report to Serafina's office to officially disclose their relationship in details.

"I'm talking to someone." Willow said.

"We're going to be late." He said to this. Then, in a much more expressive voice, he added, "I know how much you like to _avoid_ things. I'm just concerned you might try and _avoid_ this." She now was clear on what emotion he was feeling— anger was ignited in his voice and it burned her skin.

"Fine. Let's go." Rachel stepped aside, now sensing the awkward situation she was in.

"Yeah, let's," James spat out. The two had never been this mad at each other in a long time.

"What is making you act like such an arse?" Willow said as they walked down the hall.

"Don't worry about it, Wood," James quipped. "It's _insignificant."_

"James, you know I didn't— " But it was too late, he had stormed into Serafina's office and dropped into one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"Good of you to show up," She said. "So, I'm working on a copy of a script I need you two to memorize when you get interviewed again— " Willow inhaled sharply through her nose.

"— yes, again, Willow, during the official photoshoot. Witch Weekly was very gracious in allowing this and if you had done what I said, this wouldn't be happening."

The platinum blonde publicist was met with silence from the two. James huffed and Willow played with her hair awkwardly.

"Um, anyways," Serafina said. "I've worked on a general framework of how you're going to frame your responses, but I need to know about the nature of your relationship."

More silence. She sighed. "So, I'm going to need you two to start talking..."

"About?" Willow asked sincerely. She wasn't always the best at understanding the obvious. James, who was never the best at reading between the lines, took her questioning to be rhetorical.

"It appears that Willow has made her point clear." He remarked. She turned to look at him with aghast, searching his face for the truth. The way he spat out her name felt wrong. It was like he hated her. Did he really hate her?

James turned his cheek, avoiding her widened eyes. Her eyes always got to him. They could wash over his anger within seconds.

"I'm not understanding," Serafina said. "Really, I just need you two to start from the beginning. I want to know everything."

"Well," Willow peeked cautiously at James who was tapping his foot against the foot impatiently. "We met in our first year of Hogwarts— "

"What do you mean by everything?" James interrupted rather rudely. "Like everything everything?"

"What do you mean by everything everything?"

"Like, I don't know, do you want to know every little detail of all seven years we went to school together— "

"James, there's no need to be so difficult," Serafina rolled her eyes. "Only what is relevant."

"Isn't that what I just asked?" Willow muttered, now slumped back in her chair. "I believe your question was rhetorical," muttered back James.

She pulled herself up from her chair. "It wasn't," Willow said firmly.

Her eyes were wide and imploring and this time, James found himself staring at. He cursed himself for falling into her eyes and their promises of love. He used to think they were the key to understanding her, what her heart was really telling him. When he told her he loved her, they told him she loved him too.

Clearly, he thought, I was wrong.

Silence filled the room again. Serafina sighed. James blew hot steam around the room. Willow squirmed in her seat.

"Maybe we should do this separately," She said which caused him to let out a barking laugh. It wasn't his normal, boisterous laugh. It was bitter and sounded so full, as if bitterness consumed his entirety. Willow sunk back into her chair.

"I can do it since you're clearly too embarrassed to admit the fact that we even dated and had a relationship," He said. "We met in first year and we hated each other."

"Why is that?" Serafina asked. "I dunno," James shrugged, his anger loosening as he let his memory take him back to their first meeting. A smile crept it way onto his lips.

"Her dad's my favourite Quidditch player of all time, so I introduced myself to her and she took the piss out of me."

"Details, Potter. Details." Willow cut in. "He was trying to impress me by flaunting how famous and amazing his dad was. I didn't act impressed, so he didn't take kindly to me."

"Yeah, that's what I said." He said even though it wasn't. He had provided the external dialogue of their meeting and she had provided the internal workings.

"Anyways, we made the Quidditch team that year and I didn't really hate her after that. We were friends, I guess, but we still fought loads. And then I kissed her in second year for no reason really and I had a crush on her after that. It was very small. I wouldn't even call it a crush, really. Then we dated in sixth year and broke up before the summer because she didn't— well, I don't really know why."

"Who ended it?"

"Who do you think?" James asked sarcastically.

Willow sighed, nodding to confirm for Serafina.

"And that was the end of it?" Serafina asked.

"Yeah," Willow lied which reignited James' anger. "Sort of," She added. "I mean, we had this thing."

"A thing?"

"Yeah, it was this thing where she just fucked me when no one was looking, whenever she wanted." James said.

"Okay, fuck you," Willow spat. "No, you already did that," James spat back.

Serafina was now regretting this. She scratched her head awkwardly, waving her hands around. "Calm down, guys. No need to fight. How long did this thing last?"

"Until the end of our seventh year," Willow said quietly.

"Why'd you two break up?"

"Which time," James asked humorlessly.

"Go in order," Serafina said. "Who broke up with who?" James looked pointedly at Willow. She shut her eyes, as if she was in physical pain. Her face drained of colour as the two others looked at her for an explanation.

"The first time we broke up— I don't know. I don't really know, I just..." Her voice trailed off. James rolled his eyes, knowing she would never give a full answer.

To his surprise, she did.

"The guys at Hogwarts were really terrible towards me so they said some really harsh things about me and him, I don't know. Maybe they got in my head or it was already there. I just thought he'd get bored of me or something. There was no use in dragging it out if it meant we would lose each other for good." Her face had gained its colour back, now bright red. James looked at her with complete shock. He had never thought of their breakup in that way.

"The second time— well, there was a thing in the summer, but that..." Her face got even more red with the memory of James' rejection of her request. It wasn't really rejection, but it felt like it. "I guess the official second time was because he wanted a real relationship and I didn't."

"Oh, so unrequited love," Serafina said simply. "We might have to spin that into— "

"It wasn't unrequited love," Willow blanched at the labeling. James' anger reignited once more.

"Then what would you call it?" Serafina asked.

" _Insignificant_ ," He said. "You read her interview. Friends with benefits is maybe too much affection for her. It was more like I was just some tall bloke she shagged who got too attached for her comfort." There was a bit of silence before Willow rushed up from her seat.

"Excuse me."

James and Serafina were left sitting awkwardly in front of one another.

"I'm guessing I didn't get the full story," She started to say as James shot out of his chair and took off at full speed after his first love.

Willow wasn't in the locker room, which meant she had probably apparated back to her flat— or Jamie's. James shuddered with horror. Something about their relationship seemed off to him.

He knew he could either go home to Marie or find Willow and apologize. In the past, he always chose apologizing.

Today, he went home, told Marie he loved her, and went to bed early. He was tired of always feeling disappointed with the outcome of their interactions. He had always been someone who got what he wanted but never with Willow.

_It wasn't unrequited love_. His head rung with confusion. Did he not tell her he loved her? Had he not showed his love for her? He knew she didn't love him because she never said it, instead she said he was insignificant. He was to believe that he meant nothing to her.

Despite these factual observations, the conclusion he arrived at felt incomplete and false. There was a feeling that tugged at him and followed him behind, telling him that Willow did love him. It was like the look in her eyes and how it used to make him feel so loved.

But he knew now that it wasn't true. She didn't love him. Still, admitting that felt wrong to him.

Why, he wondered, why doesn't this feel like the full truth? When he was with her in Hogwarts, he felt loved even if she had never told him that she did.

There was the obvious contradiction in how the two saw the world.

Always caught up in the details of what was left unsaid and why, Willow was never able to see the obvious. But James always saw things as they presented themselves and he never read much into why things happened, only that they did. Their first meeting proved this to be true.

But there was the less obvious contradiction in what Willow did or said and what she wanted.

She was always doing or saying things she never wanted to do, never doing or saying anything she wanted. James sensed this contradiction, but he had not yet become conscious of what it was exactly.

He decided that he officially gave up on Willow. He knew he hurt her which he would apologize for, but he wasn't going to go on, waiting for her. Because really, that was what he doing.

He may had moved on, in some sense of the word, but he was constantly looking over his shoulder to check if she was still there. He was tired of waiting for someone who would never come.

Meanwhile, Willow couldn't stop thinking about what he had said.

_It was more like I was just some tall bloke she shagged who got too attached for her comfort._

Did he really believe that? Did he really think she didn't care? She thought it was obvious that she did. Maybe she didn't say it outloud, but it was because she couldn't. It scared her. Besides, why did he still care about what she thought about him? He was better off with Marie, didn't he realize that?

He would never understand why she didn't want something more, Willow thought. He was a well-adjusted boy, having come from a happy home. He wouldn't understand why she was so afraid. She didn't forget why he ended things in the summer before seventh year.

The look on his face when she asked him to call her worthless. She didn't even dare ask him to hit her, which is what she was building up to anyways. He had looked so disgusted, so repulsed by her. She had felt so embarrassed to have even asked that. She wished she never said it. He was the first boy she had asked to do that but he wouldn't have been the first boy to do either.

She tried the whole dating thing back in her third and fourth year, she really did. But they all dumped her after a short while and it was never as serious as she thought it was. They didn't care for a word she said. Boundaries were crossed and had Willow not been so desperate for their love, she would have said no to their humiliating sexual requests as she didn't really want to. So she moved onto to casual sex which made boys a lot easier to turn down.

Still, even they tended to treat her like she was nothing. All the guys she dated, they all sort of blended into one awful guy.

But not James. He stuck out for so many reasons that he was completely distinct from the rest. He had the same physical presence, the capability to harm and damage like the others but he never did and he would never. His magnetism could render her powerless, but unlike the other boys, he never weaponized his power in such a way. He lifted Willow up, rather than pushing her down. He twisted himself in a way so she could climb on his back.

There was something so amazing about that, how he would let her be a part of him so that he could be a part of her. He was an optimistic fool with unwavering trust and faith placed in her.

She knew she would only disappoint him.

* * *

James was planning on avoiding Willow for the next few days of practice. But his anger had burned out into a cold and distant front. He saw the pointlessness in ignoring her, so instead, he approached her after practice.

"Er, Willow," He said, towering over her locker. Her eyes flickered over to him before quickly returning back to the insides of her locker. "I wanted to apologize." She simply nodded. "Everything I said yesterday, it was absolutely fucked. I'm sorry."

She nodded once again and closed her locker shut. For a brief moment, they locked eyes and all James saw on hers was pure hurt. She turned to walk away, her head kept to the ground. He figured a shower would wash the unfamiliar feeling of guilt that started to crawl around his skin.

When James entered the showers, Jamie called out his name. He was sauntering around, starkers as usual. James had no problem with nudity, but Jamie seemed to _savour_ it. It was probably a power thing.

"Oi, Potter!" He said. "I need to speak with you." James nodded, averting his eyes upwards. He couldn't stand Jamie— the way he spoke to Willow, how his hands were always on her. Plus, James found the age gap between him and Willow particularly disgusting.

"Right now?" James asked impatiently. "Kinda weird to talk here, no?" But Jamie found no problem with it. He liked making people uncomfortable.

"Well," The man sighed. "It's about Willow."

"Oh," James replied.

"When you were with her, did she ever— well, you know. Right?" James had no idea what that was supposed to mean. His expression must've showed his confusion as Jamie pushed him lightly on the shoulder.

"Come on," Jamie said. "She likes it rough."

"Erm," James paused, hoping he wasn't misinterpreting. "Yeah, I suppose." If they were talking about what he thought they were, he knew Willow was more aggressive which, in turn, brought out his aggression, but that never went near the extremes of danger.

"I mean, I always knew she was a little fucked up," Jamie continued on, "since she likes it from the back. That just screams daddy issues."

"Okay, end of the conversation." James cut him off. This conversation had gone on too long and became far too uncomfortable. "I really don't know what your question is. Or what you're trying to say."

"Potter, come off of it! I know you know." He shook his head. The older man's face fell, his crooked teeth on display as his mouth dropped into an O.

"You really don't," Jamie said. "She never asked you to hit her?"

"WHAT?" James' entire body went into alert mode. All his previous convictions of moving on from Willow and not looking back dissipated. The stakes were monumentally different. "You hit her?"

"Potter, the fuck?" Jamie tried to loosen himself from James' grip. He didn't even realize he had grabbed Jamie's shirt collar. "It's what she asked me to do— and no, I didn't!"

"She— " James let him go. "— She asked you?"

"Yeah, ever since I asked her about these bruises she had. Apparently, she's into BDSM and all of that crazy shit. I'm not the only bloke she sleeps with, you know."

James stared in disbelief. "You must be confused."

"Potter, it's true," His voice was persistent. "Ask her yourself! She broke up with me a few days ago because I told her it was weird. I'm not a square, but I don't know, it's bloody weird. I didn't know she was crazy. I just wanted to get confirmation from you that she's crazy."

James hadn't responded, just stormed out of the locker rooms. He didn't control Willow's actions, but he certainly felt protective over her. Something about the whole situation felt wrong.


	24. Bruises

* * *

"So, what's your opinion on BDSM?"

Teddy Lupin dropped his fork onto the ground. As it rattled, his hair merged into a shocking orange— the colour he'd use to mark his obvious embarrassment.

"James, there are adults at this table."

James was over for dinner at Victoire and Teddy's when he asked the question currently plaguing his mind. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it— ever since his encounter with Jamie in the locker rooms after practice. He figured Teddy might have something to say about it.

Now at the dinner table, taking a look at Teddy's awkward reaction, it was clear that he did not. It might have had something to do with the fact that his father-in-law and Jame's uncle Bill also happened to be stopping by for dinner. James rubbed his neck awkwardly.

He hadn't thought much of it— Bill had always been the cool uncle.

"Was that really an inappropriate question?" James asked. "We're all adults, aren't we? "

"You're barely an adult," Teddy told the boy he considered his younger brother. "You're basically a teenager."

"I'm just asking!" James exclaimed. "Can you answer the question?"

"James," Victoire wrinkled her nose. "Please. I do not want to discuss this with my father in the room. Honestly, I wouldn't even want to talk about it if he wasn't here."

"He's just asking a question," Bill said, taking a sip of wine. "Why so curious, James? No need to go into any detail..."

"I'm not into it," James quickly said. "Just so you know. Not me. I don't get it. I mean, I don't know much about it but why would anyone who want to be handcuffed to a bed or whipped on their naked arse or just beaten up? How does that get you off?"

This was met from an amused chuckle from Bill and a horrified look from Victoire.

"You know," Teddy said. "This salad is delicious. The dressing is just olive oil and lemon. So simple, but so refreshing."

"I don't know," Bill said. "I think some people might find pain to be as sensational, if not more, than just regular, plain sex."

" _Dad_ ," Victoire said.

"If they're bored, then they could do new things without resorting to hitting each other or whatever." James said. "I don't get why hitting is such an appeal."

"I always thought if a girl wants to be slapped, it means she underwent a bit of trauma," Teddy mused. "But I don't know, my friend Jazzy had a normal childhood and she's into it."

" _Teddy_ ," Victoire warned.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with it," Bill said. "Your mother and I have tried the whole handcuff thing, actually."

"DAD!"

"The coolest uncle," James declared.

* * *

Willow was at Anthony's place.

He said he was only staying in London for a few months and they didn't discuss where. She didn't really care. All she knew was that he had a chiseled face and liked to play a game where she would do whatever he said and submit to whatever he did to her.

And Willow, she had control. Maybe not over her actions, but over the damage that could result. They had boundaries and rules established. It wasn't about getting hurt. She was aware of his physical presence, his capacity to harm and damage her. It wasn't like she had never been slapped or called a whore by other blokes. But that wasn't a game, that was reality. It was just how they treated her.

She preferred this little game that she and Anthony played— at least he asked her before he actually did things to her and he checked up on her afterwards. It was safer. She felt under control and protected for some weird reason. Besides, he was actually kind of sweet when they weren't in their little game.

"See you later, Willow," He kissed her goodbye afterwards, very lightly. She was halfway out his door when he called her name once more. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a date with me before I leave."

She wasn't interested. Anthony had the kind of face that could be described as handsome, like what'd you think of when you think of someone everyone could agree on as attractive. But Willow had never really been attracted to guys that didn't have any playfulness in their face. And even if he did, she didn't want to go on a date with him.

"No," Willow said plainly. "Sorry." Anthony's handsome face twisted into an ugly, angry one and he made a step towards Willow which, in turn, made her step back and then she was falling backwards.

She always forgot his house had a couple of steep stairs leading up to it. She twisted, falling hard on her side. Her face hit the ground with a solid bang. "Willow!" Anthony cried out. She scrambled up to her feet, not caring how ridiculous she just appeared. She wanted to get out fast.

"I'm fine!" She practically shouted. "I'm fine!" After quickly apparating, Willow realized her heart was beating fast, she was terrified. She didn't know why she was. It wasn't like she was scared of Anthony, he had never hurt a fly— outside of sex, that is, but she knew that wasn't really him. But she was aware of what he could do. He could've hit her, pinned her down, and done the worst.

Still, it wasn't that. Anthony wasn't going to do anything to her, she knew that. It was his face in that moment, how it morphed into someone else. His face had always reminded her of someone's. His blonde hair and his sharp features were so familiar, yet she couldn't place it. All she knew was that she didn't like the memory it came from.

She itched at her wrist, at her scar without thinking. For a split second, a fuzzy memory flashed in front of her eyes, her wrists scratched by the jagged edges of _his_ nails. She shut her eyes immediately.

One time, her wrists were pinned down so hard, Willow thought it was fractured afterwards. It wasn't, but she still had the scar. But she didn't want to think about _him_ because then her body would start aching in all the places _he_ had hurt her. Her buried memories had kept from resurfacing for years, but she was remembering now.

_Bobby._

She shut her eyes once more and tried to think about something else— like the fact that the Witch Weekly shoot was coming up in a week and a half or the fact that her entire body ached. She couldn't tell if it was because of Anthony's new toy he tried out on her or because she fell down or because of the memories resurfacing.

Either way, she ended up avoiding Anthony for the rest of his stay in London; he had stepped forward from their little game to reality— she didn't want that.

* * *

"Ow," Willow said as Liliana, the makeup artist, brushed a rough hand over her cheek. It was the day of Puddlemere United's Witch Weekly photoshoot and the team found themselves in makeup chairs rather than broomsticks.

"Oh, did that hurt?" Willow shook her head.

"I had a cut, but my friend, she's studying to be a Medi-Witch, healed it for me. It's just a bit, erm, tender."

"Quidditch," Liliana hummed. "No," Willow said. "Just clumsy." She shifted in her chair for what felt like the millionth time. The blonde Chaser was on edge for two reasons: her inability to go to bed due to a recent onslaught of insomnia and her second interview with Sylvia about James, using the answers Serafina provided for them.

"Stay still," Liliana instructed. "You're almost done. Are you nervous about the pictures?"

Willow shook her head, though she was a bit surprised when the wardrobe stylist had handed her a bra and knickers to wear. The theme of the photoshoot, according to the photographer who was bald and sweaty and named Howard, was _sex. Th_ ey were calling it Puddlemere— exposed. The whole team was going to be in their underwear. He declared Willow as his muse for the shoot which made her extremely uncomfortable.

"Not really," She said to Liliana. She didn't mind the nudity. "But I do have a bit of bruising..."

She did tell Howard about it, but he waved her off, "Nothing a bit o' makeup can't fix!" As it turned out, Liliana couldn't fix it. "Sorry," She frowned. "Maybe someone knows a spell?" Willow shrugged and Liliana sent her back out to Howard.

"Fantastic!" Howard exclaimed. "Now, drop the robe, I wanna see the full vision." Willow sighed, looking at all the crew and her teammates around them.

She dropped her robe and Jamie let out a vulgar catcall that was cut short once he saw her bruise. He paused midway, his mouth held in a stupid O.

"Your— your skin!" Howard let out a horrified gasp. The bruise extended from her thigh to half way up her stomach. It didn't help that it was a shockingly purple-black colour. It hadn't seemed that bad when she got out of the shower last night, but it looked so much darker in new lighting. She was sure it would've faded by now...

"The bruise," Willow explained, folding her arms across her chest self-consciously.

"Oh," Howard now had a worried look on his face, his confidence faltering. "Well...err, I suppose it's okay? Maybe someone knows a spell."

* * *

"Bloody hell, Wood." James stood in the entrance of the wardrobe room, staring at her bruise in great concern. His hair was uncharacteristically styled to perfection, no cowlick in sight.

Willow barely looked up at him from where she sat on the ground. He didn't blame her. When Howard ran through the schedule with the Puddlemere team ("We'll have the big group photo, then photos by positions, and then the newbies together") and explained they would be nearly starkers, James had made his discomfort clear.

"You're not actually going to be starkers, you're going to just be in briefs." Howard had tried to calm him down, but then James had to shout "Yes, but _with her_!" which caused Willow and a few sympathetic others to flinch. "Ouch," Chase said.

Back in the wardrobe room, Willow turned to look at James as she pulled her robe back on to cover herself up. Her hair, typically tousled from the wind during practice, was straightened and her face was set with distaste.

He reminded himself that he needed to let her go, but he couldn't help but think she looked pretty, even when she was scowling.

"It's awful, I know." She said. "When'd you fall off your broom?" He said. The tension between the two made it hard for Willow to answer. She didn't know where she stood with him. He seemed less angry with her, more to how he treated her pre-Witch Weekley interview.

He did apologize for what he said and she couldn't respond verbally without bursting into tears so she had just nodded wordlessly. He had been ignoring her for the past week, until one day, he started being nicer to her again, making efforts to exchange pleasant casualties.

"I didn't." She replied curtly. James squinted his eyes.

"Who then?"

"Who?" Willow repeated with a tilt of her head. James simply shrugged. He didn't want to bring up what Jamie said, knowing it would only lead to more awkward conversation. Instead, he decided to blurt the next thing on his mind which wasn't much better.

"Have you been eating, Wood?" The second thing he noticed after her bruise was what it was spread over, her ribcage so visible through her skin. Willow had always been skinny, but she wasn't gauntly. Her dark circles were only emphasized by the shadows in her sunken cheeks.

Willow narrowed her eyes. James blushed. "I mean, you..." He racked his brain for a less offending series of words, but James only spoke in well-intentioned errors. "Are you alright? You just look a bit— "

"Do not say tired," She said just as James said "emaciated." He couldn't help but grin at their collusion of words, still watching her reaction with caution. She rolled her shoulders back, shrugging. She looked amused.

"Yeah," She laughed bitterly. "I am a bit. I've been busy." By busy, she meant unable to stomach anything for the past week and a half, without feeling sickened to her stomach. She knew it wasn't good for her, but there was a tightening inside her that grew as the days passed on by. Ever since she fell at Anthony's and she had seen his face morph into _him_ , whoever he was— Willow was preoccupied with forgetting something she couldn't even remember. Though certainly the feeling of the memory was alive.

"You still need to eat," James chided, sounding a bit like his grandmum.

"I am," Willow lied. "I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep." James hummed in response, taking a seat next to hers. "Me too."

The two both speculated why the other wasn't getting sleep, secretly wondering if it was because of the other.

"You nervous?" He asked.

"Not really. I got the interview part over with." She said.

"Serafina's answers were useful. Though I reckon we scarred her for life."

"We?" Willow raised an eyebrow. James flushed. "I did, at least." He added. "Listen, I really did mean it when I apologized the other day. I don't resent you for what you said in the interview. I realize you have every right to feel how you did and I was just an idiot, acting hurt because, well, I guess I thought different. I felt betrayed by my own intuition, not you."

She just stared at him, trying to gage his hatred for her. James cleared his throat, feeling awkward with her intense gaze flickering over him.

"Also, I'm sorry for what I said earlier today. I didn't mean for it to come off that way. I'm always talking out my arse. You know what I meant, didn't you?"

"Yeah," She finally said. "I know. It's fine, James. You don't need to explain."

"I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't find you to be an enjoyable person to be around. It was just— "

"You thought the situation would be weird and uncomfortable. It wasn't personal." She said. "I know, Potter."

"But you're mad at me." She sounded mad.

"No, this is normal, isn't it?" She was mad. Mostly at him, but also Jamie who had tried to feel her up a few minutes ago. She didn't understand why he was still so very _physical_ around her, even after she had ended their relationship for good. She was having a bad day already— Jamie and now this conversation increased it to catastrophic.

"No," James said. "At least, it wasn't." She shrugged and fixed her gaze onto her nails. A minute later, she looked back up, looking him straight in the eyes.

The eyes, James cursed. Her bloody eyes. They seemed to be screaming out to him: _you hurt me._

"I'm not mad," She said. "We're going to have to take the pictures soon, it wouldn't make sense for me to be mad."

"You can't control your emotions," James frowned, a crease forming in between his brows. Willow wanted to reach out her hand and smooth it out. "What did you mean, back when we spoke to Serafina? What did the guys say about us, back at Hogwarts?"

Immediately, Davies was in her head and his hot breath was on the back of her neck. She blinked.

"Nothing, just Davies being Davies," She said. "I'm sure he told you some things about me too."

"What did he say— "

"So, you nervous?"

"Willow— "

"Yeah, me neither." Now it was James turn to shake his head. They sat in silence until it was time for their pictures. Willow sighed, throwing off her robe gently, folding her arms over her chest. James, though more covered up than her, reluctantly followed her to the set.

He actually _was_ nervous, a lot more than he let on as the entire team was watching with anticipation.

"Ooh, James, you've got a tight arse!" Chase called out. James made a choking noise, grabbing Willow's arm as he turned away from the team's eyes.

"Sorry," He craned his neck down so he could be close enough to speak without anyone else hearing. "But I'm going to pee myself."

"I'm sure they'll let you use the restroom— "

"Willow, please," He squirmed. Willow squinted, realizing that James Sirius Potter of all people was nervous. In all the years she had known him, never did she witness the confident boy so twitchy and uncomfortable. "I know you don't like me very much right now and I think you're mad at me— "

"I'm not— "

"Okay, fine, but you don't like me—

"Look, I don't care if you look at my tits, okay? It's fine, it's bound to happen. I won't be offended." Her surprise cut through their existing tension and she hoped a joke would ease his nerves. She wasn't Fred, but James used to laugh at her jokes on hours end.

"Funny," He managed to smile before his panic took over again. "I'm fucking nervous, Wood. Like I'm going to pee myself— "

"Well, if you keep saying that..." Willow warned. James responded by pressing his forehead against hers, a team tradition the Gryffindor Team used to do in their first and second year. Back then, they had found it so silly, but it calmed both of their first year pre-game nerves.

"Sorry," He whispered. "I know you're mad at me— but this is like the only thing that calms me down right now. I'm sorry. I've never been this nervous. Except maybe first year before the matches."

"I've never seen you this nervous," She whispered back, their foreheads still linked together.

"I'm gonna get so much shit from my cousins— look at my hair!" She couldn't hide her smile at how strained his voice was. "It's not funny," He insisted. "Is it ugly? Do I look ugly, Wood? Be honest, please."

He looked practically the same, but his hair was sleek and freshly cut. It wasn't like it suited him, in fact, he looked extremely attractive if Willow had to be honest. She just wasn't used to this look on him. He looked older, more mature.

"No, you look good, Potter." James blushed. "Don't worry about it." Still, the boy looked uneasy.

"Forget about your cousins," She said. "You're going to be in Witch Weekly."

"I never wanted this," He said even though they both knew his ego didn't mind it. Willow inhaled through her nose, knowing what she had to do next.

"Potter, don't let this go to your head or read into this. I'm not trying to compliment you." She sighed. She knew she would regret this, but appealing to his ego was the most direct way to him calming down. "You're the fittest boy out of all the guys on the team. Plus, it helps that you're the youngest. The audience is going to eat you up and your cousins are going to be mad with jealously. For every joke Al or Lily makes at your expense, think about how they're gonna feel when their friends can't stop talking about their brother's body and how bloody hot he is."

James' eyebrows raised and he grinned. "You think I have a hot bod?" Willow's cheeks tinged with a light pink shade.

"I think I have enough photos of you two in that little pose you're doing," The two broke apart to see Howard staring at them expectantly, tapping his foot. They both blushed now, realizing that, although their conversation wasn't audible, they still had an audience with eyes. The team was staring at the two's closeness with curiosity, Marie included. But no one looked as intensely as Jamie who had a putrid look on his face.

James went all stiff, his arms hovering just a hair above Willow's skin. Howard shook his head which seemed to make James even more nervous.

"Wood," James said.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me I have the hottest bod again," Willow cackled which made James relax a bit again. Rolling her eyes, she said, in a very sarcastic tone, "You have the hottest bod, James."

"Okay, I'm good," He said, feeling his entire body relax, like he had been holding his breath and finally exhaled. Howard made James hold Willow in his arms for the last few pictures, which felt all too natural for the both of them. He realized that he would have to let go of Willow after this.

"Now why do you look so sad?" Howard barked.

* * *

"That was fun," James concluded as they walked back to change. "Sorta. If you forget the part about me almost peeing myself."

"Yeah," She said. Her lips were set softly in a smile. She quickly reminded herself she was supposed to be mad at him. "Plus my big bruise being broadcast to the entire team."

James debated in his head whether it was right if he asked her or not. His impulsiveness got the best of him and before he knew it, he had blurted it out.

"Jamie told me why you two broke things off."

It felt like something had been dropped onto the ground the way Willow went completely silent.

"He didn't." Willow was shocked, hurt even. James nodded his head.

"Well, are you?" James asked bluntly. Her eyes grew dark with anger and her voice dripped with menace. "That's none of your business, Potter."

"I'm just concerned." Willow scoffed. She was no longer in a good mood. "You're actually just nosey," She said, but not in an endearing way.

"I'm nosey because I'm concerned," James said. "Seriously, I'm just— "

"You know, I really don't want to talk to you— at all right now, but especially not about that."

"Willow, come on— "

"James, I don't want to talk to you about this!" She didn't care that the team were now turning their heads towards them, although it seemed clear James did. He ducked his head down, looking embarrassed. With another look towards their audience, he pulled her into the wardrobe room. But now, it was clear that Willow was embarrassed or upset or both. She placed a hand on her flushed cheeks, moving it upwards to massage her temples as she shut her eyes.

"Willow, I'm concerned. The bruise is— "

"You don't need to be concerned," She said with her eyes still closed. "I am fine and I don't want or need to explain any of this to you. Have you considered how humiliating this is?"

"What do you mean?" The boy blinked, a confused expression on his face. Willow twisted her hands into fists before releasing them, shutting her eyes. She couldn't even finish her sentence without crying out of frustration. How could he not understand how embarrassing this situation was? Jamie had told him about her and Anthony's relationship. Jamie had told. Who knew what else he was saying?

Something about Jamie and the recent events made her feel so wrong, so violated. But most of all, she was reminded of the humiliating breakup in the summer before seventh year. How absolutely crushing it was to see James look at her with disgust like she was a masochist or something.

"You know what," She finally said, reopening her eyes. She hoped he didn't see how glassy her eyes looked. But James always paid attention to her eyes, so he could tell. "I am mad at you."

James flinched. It was a visceral response, his body bending back and his eyes squeezing. While Willow turned her back away from him, he felt his body crumple into the ground. He could never let her go, no matter how hard he tried.


	25. Daddy Issues

* * *

Willow Wood found herself in Diagon Alley, meeting up for lunch with Roxanne who had recently landed herself a boyfriend.

"He's the best," She gushed, waving her hands enthusiastically. "He's so sweet and loving and funny. Even Fred admitted that the bloke's alright and you know how tough he is on my boyfriends."

"Yeah, I remember," Willow said. A certain memory from third year came into mind. Poor Evan Rollins had walked down to the Great Hall, blissfully unaware that his hair was turned pink and his clothes were shrunken by the tenfold. James and Fred had doubled over, laughing and making it quite obvious who had hexed Roxy's first boyfriend. "So, what's this dream man's name? Do I know him?"

"Tom Ackerman," Roxanne said. Her face got a bit red as she took a sip of her water. "Uh, you probably wouldn't know him. He works in Gringotts. There's a bit of an age gap between the two of us."

"Oh?"

"He's in his thirties." Roxanne confirmed. "My dad lost it when he found out. Most of my family isn't too hot about it, but I reckon they'll come around."

"But I thought you said Fred— "

"He doesn't approve," She said. "But he told me that he likes Tom as a person. They all do. It's just the age difference has them all worried. But you understand, don't you?"

"Is that a good thing if I do?" Willow asked quietly. The two shared a habit of dating the wrong guys. Roxanne grimaced.

"But you dated an older guy, remember? That bloke you lost your virginity to?"

Willow felt her heartbeat quicken for some reason. She busied herself with her salad, absentmindedly picking out the croutons.

"Yeah, he was..." She didn't know what to say. His name, which was on the tip of her tongue, was equivalent to You-Know-Who's name around her. She never told anyone about him or what happened because the details were still unclear to her. he tried to forget about him and it was getting harder to continue lying to herself about this. If she thought about him, she knew she would be pulled back into the past and away from the present.

"He doesn't count." Willow quickly changed the subject. "How's your guy in bed?"

The girl had a wicked smile on her face that was all too similar to her twin's. It said all she needed to know.

"Exceptional," Roxanne said. "And yours?"

"Do I have one?" Willow raised an eyebrow. "If you mean that guy on the team, I ended it with him. Now he's being kinda clingy which is the exact opposite of what I wanted. Plus, he went and told— "

Suddenly, she was reminded of her last conversation with James. "Has James mentioned anything about my sex life to you or your cousins?"

"You didn't!" Roxanne practically leapt out of her chair, knocking the table so that Willow's picked-through salad and her soup swerved around dangerously. "Oops."

"No!" She cried out. "No, no— we didn't. He's dating someone, remember? I just mean if he said anything about me and a certain subsection of sexual activity that I may have been partaking in."

Roxanne knit her thick brows, shrugging her shoulders back. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Okay," Willow let out a sigh. "Please don't tell anyone, I figure you'd be the one person to not judge me. But I met this guy and it turns out he was into BDSM and all that. Not like the domantrix stuff or anything. He'll just throw me around a bit and call me funny names and everything in between. _But I liked it._ I've always been curious about it."

"Sweet Merlin." Realization crossed over Roxy's face. "That's why James has been asking everyone about their opinions on BDSM. How'd he even find out?"

"He's doing WHAT?"

* * *

The next day, Willow waited for James to come out of the showers so that they could discuss his recent interest in her life. And when he walked with only a towel slung around his waist, she immediately grabbed his wrist and jerked him away into the hallway.

"Ow! Wood, what the hell?" The boy's startled disposition was only emphasized by his lack of dress and his ears that grew pinker by the second. "I thought we weren't talking." He began to say until his wrist was twisted in response. "Ow!"

"First of all," She hissed. "I know you used my shampoo the other day— "

"I forgot mine and yours was sitting out. I didn't know it was yours." He protested but he did know it was hers once he used it. He spent the rest of the day with his hair smelling like Willow. It was both pleasant and painful of an experience, especially when Marie told him she loved how he smelled.

"Do not interrupt me," Willow said. Her eyes were narrowed into slits and her hands were by her sides in fists. "Second of all, I heard from a certain member of your family that you have been harassing all your cousins about their opinions on a certain interest of mine. What the fuck, Potter? Did I not tell you to leave it alone?"

"I didn't tell them anything about you!" He exclaimed. "I was just curious!"

"About what," She said. "I just don't understand why anyone would like that sort of thing."

"I'm not going to go into detail, but it's about feeling safe." James' eyebrows knit together in confusion. "There's rules," Willow said upon seeing his reaction. "At least I can expect everything that happens. It's safer to me."

James looked at her quizzically. _At least I can expect it?_ What did that mean?

"Don't look at me like that," She said. "I knew you wouldn't get it."

"I do," James lied.

"No, you don't." Her cheeks burned red as she said this. "Besides, it was just with one guy, but I'm not seeing him anymore."

"Oh." James said. "But you're okay?"

"Sure," She said, shrugging her shoulders back. "You aren't supposed to care about me anymore, James."

"Well, I do."

Willow grew silent at this. She opened her mouth to speak, but then shut it, drumming her fingers against her palms.

"You shouldn't," She finally said. "You really shouldn't, okay?"

"Why not?" James asked. "You know why." He didn't, but he figured Willow wouldn't tell him anyways. As she turned to leave, he asked her a question that made her freeze internally.

"Do you?"

"You know." He didn't really, but again, he figured Willow wouldn't tell him anyways.

* * *

Two days before the Wimbledon Wasps and Puddlemere United were to face off, Willow found herself at her father's office. He, the coach of Scotland's National Quidditch team, was unfortunately situated in their locker rooms which smelled like a mixture of body spray and body odor.

"Hey, kid," Her dad smiled faintly at her, motioning at the chair in front of his desk. "Sit."

"So," Willow paused, looking around. "What'd you want me for?"

"It's your first professional match," He said. Willow had been on the reserves for all of last fall— she got promoted right after the season ended. "I wanted to check in with you. See how you're feeling, maybe give you some tips."

"I mean, I'm nervous. I suppose." She shrugged. "I don't know if I'll drag the team down."

"No, you'll be brilliant," He said. He had a knack for making people believe in themselves. "I got nervous for my first few matches as a professional. I find that meditation helps." Willow stared at her dad with a repelled look on her face. "Seriously. I'll teach you one."

"No, I'm good," Willow shook her head. "You're not coming, are you?"

"Of course I am. Your brother and your mum are also coming." Her dad looked confused. "Why wouldn't we? It's your first match."

"You never went to any of my Hogwarts matches." She muttered under her breath, but he still heard her.

"Well, that's...that..." His voice trailed off. "I don't know what else to say about that. I failed as a dad— and a Quidditch trainer." Willow used to find it amusing that her dad spoke of his title as her Quidditch trainer in the same regard as his title as her dad. Now she found it sad. "I didn't think you cared about it so much."

"I owled you whenever I wanted you to come. I get that you're busy, but so many of my teammates' parents showed up and Lord knows they're busy too— "

"I didn't show up because I was too busy," Her dad admitted with a great deal of embarrassment and shame on his face. "I was...well, I was just...I— "

"You don't have to come up with an excuse," Willow retorted. She was angry with her dad, but most of all, hurt. "You don't have to act like you care."

"Willow, now, don't say that. I care about you," He said. "I know I haven't been exactly present in your life. And I know your mum and I, our relationship took its toll on you and I'm sorry. I make a better Quidditch trainer than I do a dad and I'm sorry for that. But I do care about you, I do love you. I'm sorry for making you feel that I don't, but I do."

"You can't just say you care about me," She said, getting up from her chair and heading to the door before she burst into tears. "You have to actually show that you care to make me believe it. Do you think not showing up to any of my games for seven years in a row can be made up with you saying you 'care' about me?"

Oliver Wood was rendered silent. He looked stupidly down at his feet and then back at Willow's retreating form.

"Willow, please wait." He followed her out into the empty locker room. "Please," He begged. Willow stopped walking.

"I never showed up to your Quidditch games because Hogwarts is a painful place for me to return to. And especially the Quidditch Pitch. Your mum and I met on that field. We spent most of our time together on that field and I was so angry with her and myself and absolutely miserable without her, I figured that I should just avoid anything that reminds me of her." He rubbed his neck, his eyes full of regret.

"I never wanted to tell you this because I feel it's pathetic and selfish. But that's my real reason. I didn't miss your games because I couldn't care less— watching you play at Hogwarts was a dream of mine since you were a kid. I kick myself every time I think about how much I missed. If you hate me, I understand."

"I don't hate you," Willow turned back to face him. What he said about her mum reminded her too much of what she was doing with James. "I just don't understand why you and mum broke up."

"We didn't know how to communicate properly," Her dad said. "We didn't deal with our emotions healthily and your mum had some things she needed to sort out."

"I just..." Willow knew if she didn't say this now, she would never. "I don't understand why I wasn't enough." He looked at her with shock.

"What? Willow, you were what held us together for so long— "

"But why wasn't I enough to hold you two together forever?" Willow was now sobbing. She expected her father to stand motionless but instead, he met her in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry," He said. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea. You were just a kid. I had no idea."

"You couldn't have done anything to keep us together back then. You're why we reunited two years ago, you know that right? You and Theo, kid."

"I didn't," Willow sniffled. She half-smiled, realizing how relieved she felt to get that off her chest. "Could you teach me that meditation you were talking about?"

* * *

It was the fateful day of the match between Puddlemere United and Wimbledon Wasps, the weather a muggy summer goodbye and anxiety running wild in the air.

"I'm going to hurl," James told his girlfriend, who patted him on the arm. "You'll be fine," She said. "I felt this way before my first professional match, too."

The locker room, typically filled with chaos, was strangely serene when he and Marie walked in. To make things even weirder, Willow seemed to be leading the team in a prayer. Or was it a meditation?

"One...two..." Her eyes were shut, her dark blonde hair hung loose around her shoulders. Willow always forgot to tie her hair up, waiting until they had to rush onto the field. James still remembered when she managed to catch the Quaffle with one hand while the other held her hair up. That was in fifth year. Right now, before the chaos of the game and the need to tie up her hair, Willow looked so peaceful and relaxed. "...five."

"Nice," Rachel said as they all fluttered their eyes open. "Your dad is a bloody genius for that one."

"Yeah, it really worked," Chase nodded his head. "I haven't felt this clearheaded before any first match of the season."

Willow shrugged. "Technically, he learned it from Puddlemere so really, I'm just passing on some Puddlemere tips and tricks."

"Looks like ol' Potter is gonna need some meditative help," Jeffrey nodded towards James who was looking rather peaky at this point.

"Oh, he's fine," Marie said. "He's just got a bit of nerves, but it'll pass."

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked. "I've never seen James look so..."

"Sickly?" Chase finished. "Potter— "

"I think the lot of you are making it worse," Jeffrey interjected.

"I'm fine," James managed to get out. Willow shot him a concerned look. "I'm perfectly fine."

He turned to Marie. "I'm not fine." She waved him off.

"Nonsense, you'll be fine." This did not reassure him, but he feigned normalcy as he didn't want to psych out the entire team.

"You won't believe this," Jamie started to say, but James tuned him out, focusing on calming himself down. He didn't know why he was so nervous, he never got like this before a game at Hogwarts. He leaned his head against his locker, letting the coolness of the metal melt away his stress and nerves. Still, his throat felt constricted, like there was something blocking his windpipes.

"— skinny arses!" Jamie concluded. James rolled his eyes, glad he missed this conversation.

"Shut up," Chase spoke on behalf the team when he said this. Willow cackled loudly which brought James back to Hogwarts.

"Whatever," Jamie scoffed. When it was time for them to enter the field, Willow waited for James to exit. He was the last one out, paralyzed in the corner.

"Are you good?" She was looking at him rather intensely, her freckled nose slightly scrunched.

"Yeah," James said.

"No, you aren't," Willow said softly. "You're really scared, I could tell earlier. You never get this scared."

"I'm okay," He said. She reached her hand out to his chest. Her touch felt like an exhale to James. "Your heart is going faster than a snitch," She muttered. "Breathe out for, like, five seconds. I can count— "

"Please, Wood. No meditation. I'm good." She just gave him an all-knowing look.

"Okay, fine," James confessed. "I'm bloody terrified, Wood. How aren't you?"

"I am," Willow said. "But I dunno. It's like we switched roles or something. First the photoshoot, now this. What's going on?"

"I thought you were mad at me," James whispered.

"What's going on?" She didn't falter. James sighed, taking a seat on the bench.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be Harry Potter's first born?" He said breathlessly. "I'm going to ruin everything. I'm going to be the worst fucking player in the history of Quidditch and the headlines are all going to read 'Harry Potter's First Born Son is the Biggest Disappointment in the history of Quidditch!' and my tombstone is gonna read Son of The Boy Who Lived, the Boy who Died."

Willow blinked.

"Whoa." She finally said. "Who knew you had issues too?"

"What does that mean?" James asked indignantly.

"Nothing," She replied. "You just always seem carefree. Well-adjusted, happy home. You know. All of that."

"I am." He said quietly. "It's just this thing with my dad. It's a lot of pressure. It's like he's always looking at me like I'm selfish and ungrateful since I haven't lived through any tragedies."

"Daddy issues," Willow scoffed. "Yeah, me too." This made him smile a little bit.

"But seriously, James," She said. "You're going to be fine, no matter what."

"And besides, if you do end up doing terrible today, I'll do something crazy after the match so the press will forget all about your performance. I could flash the crowd or something, I don't know."

All the tension in James' face released as he let out a laugh. "I'm serious," Willow said. "I would! It would be like a reverse Tyler St. James photos in the common room situation."

A voice from outside of the locker room started announcing the sponsors for the game.

"We should probably catch up with the team," She said. "But the meditation thing, it really helped me."

"Okay," James sighed. "Fine. Do you mind counting?"

"One...two..." Once James had finished breathing out, he felt his body automatically draw back in air. "Whoa," He said. "That kind of worked."

"I told you," She stuck out her tongue. "You ready to go out?" He nodded and they started to walk out to join the team.

"Your dad taught you that, huh?"

"Yeah," Willow smiled. "He's here today. My mum, too. And Theo."

"That's great," James smiled back at her. "They're going to be so proud of you." She smiled awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

"Yeah," She said. "It's not a big deal or anything."

"But it is." James gave her an intense examining stare. She squirmed. He was right.

"It is a big deal regardless if they come anyways. I mean, we're going to be playing our first professional match!" He exclaimed. "Feels like it was only a day ago when we were first years playing our first Hogwarts match." Willow quietly agreed, but eventually joined him in his nostalgia as they walked side by side to the field. It felt like deja vu.

Once they caught up with the team, they were met with the deafening noise of the crowds, staring back at it all dumbfounded.

"I thought you two would be used to this," Chase said. "Nope," Willow shook her head. "It feels quieter when you're just watching in the seats," James commented. Marie found her way towards him, grabbing his hand as he breathed sharply through his nose. They only had a minute left before it started.

"What took you so long?"

"Brief nervous breakdown," James said with a laugh. "But I'm okay now. Wood noticed I was a little off so she was there to calm me down." Marie frowned, angry at herself for not noticing something was off.

"I wish I had noticed," She said. James shook his head, giving her a quick kiss. "I don't expect you to." He said kindly as his eyes landed on Willow's undone hair.

"Hey, Wood, your hair."

"Huh? Oh, shit." She slid her hair tie off her wrist, pulling her hair up quickly. "Thanks."

"No problem. You always forget."

This interaction did not go unnoticed by Marie. She wasn't a jealous person, but she couldn't help but feel a bit jealous at how well they knew each other.

* * *

Puddlemere won. It wasn't even close. A short match, the Snitch being spot early on in the game.

Still, within the short timeframe they had to play, Willow and James established themselves and their well-deserved ascent into the professional Quidditch World. The well-crafted plays they followed down to the tee combined with their copious amounts of practice earned them the honour of scoring the first two back-to-back goals of the game.

_Wood made some brilliant steals. Her and Potter were on fire today— I haven't seen such young of players move with such accuracy and speed as those two, I'll tell you that. Puddlemere is one to look out for this year, t_ he commenter declared as Puddlemere's team all met excitedly on the pitch.

"You two did it! You absolutely smashed it!" Rachel exclaimed to the two. James, his hair sweaty and eyes giddy, grabbed Willow's forearms with excitement. "We did it!"

Just as Willow was about to respond, Marie cut in, kissing James on the cheek. "I knew you'd be fine!"

Willow awkwardly stepped aside. Where were her parents? She couldn't see them in the large crowd. Willow wanted to believe they showed up, but she knew it was safer to assume they didn't and carry on as normal. She headed towards the showers with a slight disappointment weighing on her shoulders. Just as she let her sadness overcome her, she felt her body be jerked back into a hug.

"You were brilliant!" Theo exclaimed. "Your steals were wicked. You moved so fast, it was crazy." There her family stood on the pitch, amidst the flashes of cameras and clamor of the crowd. This was a moment she dreamed about since first year. Now that it was happening, she didn't know what to feel.

"Brilliant!" Oliver Wood roared loud enough to turn a few heads. He puffed up his chest with pride. "The level of skill to execute what you pulled off is beyond me. Brilliant!"

"Dad acted so crazy when you scored the first goal," Theo added. "Nearly knocked over James' grandma." As her father blushed, defending himself against Theo's teasing, Willow found herself feeling so uncomfortable with how nice they were being.

Her mother seemed to notice this. Katie Bell drew her daughter into her arms, stroking her hair. Willow took in what it was like to hug her mother, feeling how tight and comforting it could all feeling. Her mother whispered in her ear, "Your dad told me what you and him talked about. I need you to know that you are enough. You always were. You always will be."

And then Willow burst into tears, and not because of James or her parents or any one single reason. Secretly, she always wanted someone to tell her that she is worthwhile and good. She thought this moment— her family reunited and at her game, her brother admiring her, her dad looking so proud, her mother telling her that she is enough— would feel so joyful. But for some reason, Willow just felt deep pain in her chest.

This was what she wanted, but she didn't feel like she deserved it. This feeling was so unsettling yet so familiar and she didn't know where to place it. She had felt it before with James. It felt so weird. Everything in the moment was perfect, except for her.

She pulled away from her mother's embrace, her cheeks shining with tears.

"Oh, Willow," She said, wiping her daughter's cheeks. "Don't cry. Unless those are happy tears."

"Yeah," Willow lied. To be honest, she wasn't sure what emotion it was. "Happy tears."


	26. Bobby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: abusive relationships, rape

* * *

"Wood?"

The blonde Chaser was asleep on her broom. Although she scheduled plenty of morning practices during her Hogwarts captaincy, Willow Wood was not a morning person.

On top of that, Monday practice was scheduled almost near dawn which was, coincidentally, the time when Willow had gone to bed over the weekend. She came to practice bearing gifts from her night, smudged mascara under her eyes and a hickey on her neck.

"Willow?" Marie waved a hand in front of her teammate's face. James snickered. "I don't think I've ever seen anyone fall asleep on a broom."

Then, all at once, Jamie soared right by Willow, shaking her. "Oi, Wood, wake up!"

Willow let out a blood-curling scream that made the entire team stop what they were doing.

"What the fuck?" Jamie plugged his ears, looking at Willow while she lost balance on her broom, tumbling off onto the grass. It didn't look like she broke anything, seeing as she wasn't too high up from the ground. Still, it hurt either way.

"Why would you do that?" She demanded from the ground, her bloodshot eyes full of terror.

"Oops," said Jamie. He flew down to assess the damage, but James beat him.

"I don't think anythings broken," James said. "But maybe a mediwitch— "

"What the _fuck_ are you doing," Willow said in a sharp tone, jerking her body away from Jamie's outstretched hands and into James' chest. She apologized with a simple glance before she turned back to face Jamie.

"I'm just checking all the areas of you for damage," He said with a grin.

"No, you're being creepy," James cut in. "And judging how you made her fall off her broom, you should probably leave her alone."

"Ordering me around, eh, Potter?" Jamie cocked an eyebrow. "Got an inflated head after Rita Skeeter called you sex on a broomstick? Well, I for one don't care what the Daily Prophet says about you, you're still a Rookie to me."

"I don't care what I am to you," James retorted cooly. "You're acting like an arse and you need to apologize to Willow."

Jamie rolled his eyes, reaching out a hand to grasp Willow's forearm. She shuddered.

"Sorry if I hurt your precious little 'feelings,' Willow. My apologies." His mocking tone of voice made her feel like a stupid little kid who was throwing a temper tantrum. Willow didn't want to prove his point further, but she felt tears building up in her eyes. She knew it was dramatic to cry but he sounded like someone. Not just someone, he sounded like _him._

"You hurt me physically, you arse." Willow snapped, swallowing her tears back. Anger rose in her stomach, maybe not directed at Jamie exactly but he was bringing up all the terrible memories she fought so hard to push down.

Jamie sneered.

"I thought you liked that sort of thing," He said. Willow immediately went red even though only she and James knew what his remark meant.

"You don't know when to stop," James walked up to Jamie, his dark eyes blazing furiously. The dispute got their coach Jack's attention as he walked over, looking at Willow's ankle in concern.

"Step away from each other, boys," Their coach barked. "Wood, you're alright?"

"I'm fine," She winced, taking James' extended hand somewhat begrudgingly. She tested out her ankle. "Yeah, I'm fine." She got back up on her broom.

"Okay, then you three can practice your passes. Jamie, a word?" Jamie grumbled, walking over to the coach.

"I've never seen Jamie be so cruel," Marie said as she threw Willow the Quaffle.

"I bring that out in people, I guess," Willow shrugged, throwing it to James. He begged to differ, but it was too early to try to convince her otherwise.

"Hey, I saw Theo on Saturday at the match," James said, in an effort to bring her spirits up. He rolled the Quaffle around in his hands for a second, before throwing it to Marie. "I heard your dad nearly knocked my Grandmum Molly over when you made the first goal."

"Oh, yeah," She nodded. "Sorry 'bout that, he just gets into the game."

"He looked real proud," He commented. Willow tried to hide her smile, but she couldn't which made James smile.

"I know, it's so weird," She said. "He and my mum and Theo all came. So weird." Now James frowned.

"Why?" Marie asked innocently.

"Oh, I dunno." Willow said. "Just weird."

"Good weird?" James asked.

"I dunno," Willow said again. "They were just so nice to me. I don't know, it felt weird."

"People being nice to you?" Marie was now looking at Willow with greater concern than even James.

"Yeah," She shrugged. "Just not used to when they're nice I suppose." James remained quiet, trying to figure out what this meant.

* * *

After practice, Jack pulled James aside to ask him about the nature of him and Willow's relationship.

"I'm just protective of her." James said. "Nothing other than that."

"Good," He said. "There better not be. I don't wanna see my Chasers involved in some silly love triangle, okay?"

"Got it," The Chaser said. "Trust me. It's in the past."

He felt guilty for lying to himself and his coach, but things were complicated. As he made his way to the showers, he heard a clamour of noise inside the locker rooms.

"Why not?" Jamie's indignant voice rang out.

"I've been...these...Besides...thought I told you..." Willow's voice responded, barely audible. James walked into the terrible sight of Jamie lurching into Willow.

"Ahem." He coughed. Willow quickly shoved Jamie off her. She looked embarrassed, refusing to make eye contact.

"What do you want, Potter?" Jamie said his name with venom laced in his tongue.

"I was just walking in the locker room," James responded cooly. "I don't know if you realized, but this is a locker room for the Puddlemere United team and I do happen to be one of their Chasers."

"Well, you're actually just being a bit of a cock blocker right now."

James rolled his eyes. "Wood, are you okay?"

"She's fine," Jamie answered.

"I believe I asked Willow, not you."

He turned to look at Willow who was still refusing to make eye contact with him.

"Wood," James said again. "Are you okay?"

"It's not a big deal." She finally looked up at him. Willow always had a harshness to her facial features, but her eyes grew soft when she was scared. Her eyes were soft now.

"But you're okay?"

"She just said that," Jamie cut in, grabbing Willow's wrist which made her let out a quick yelp. James immediately stepped in between the two, prying Jamie's grip from Willow's wrist.

"Potter, what the fuck is your problem today?"

"You really think she wants anything to do with you?" He positioned himself in a way so that his body shielded Willow. "After today?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I think I do." They both made motion, as if they were going to fight. They all knew James didn't stand a chance physically against the burly Beater.

Although he had a bit of vantage over Jamie with his height, he was too skinny to cause any damage. James normally relied more on his wits to win his disputes, not physical force. But he wasn't really thinking of the consequences, more focused on the look of absolute pain of Willow's face when Jamie had grabbed her.

"Do you think she's worth getting your arse beat?" Jamie growled.

"Jamie," Willow widened her eyes with shock, turning to James. "It's okay. It's not worth it."

"He's hurting you," He said.

"Mate, you have a fucking girlfriend on the team and you're still wasting your time with _her_? She's a rather easy shag, you don't have to put up this whole 'hero' act on just to get into her pants."

He spat out _her_ with so much contempt and hatred that it crawled on her skin.

"He's not doing this to shag me. He cares about me," Willow said. She would put up with whatever crap anyone said about her, but when it came to James (and rarely did anyone have anything bad to say about James), Willow was willing to fight for him.

Much to James' and her own surprise, she had a great amount of faith in him.

Jamie let out a single laugh. "Yeah?"

He expected her to waver, but she didn't. "Yeah," Willow said.

"I think you flatter yourself," He said. "I don't fucking want you and neither does he."

"Then why're you trying so hard to get into her pants right now?" James countered with a triumphant smile.

"Sex is different," Jamie snapped. "No man wants to take a slag home to their mum, but they'll all take her home to screw her."

"I'd take anyone home to my mum. She's a friendly person."

"You can act like you don't agree with me, Potter, but deep down, you know it's true." Jamie said. "And Willow, for your own sake, don't be stupid. He will _never_ care about you."

Willow froze. His words were so reminiscent of what Davies had told her back in seventh year. Although she was confident in James' character, she wasn't too confident in her own.

Jamie smirked, knowing he nailed her biggest insecurity. "See you later."

"Willow, he's an arse," James began to say as she leaned against one of the lockers, tilting her head back to release an exhale. "I know," She said.

"I do care about you," He said. Willow cast a dark look towards the ground.

"You should've just left it, James." His face twitched.

"And left you alone with that creep?"

"He's harmless," She said. "It's not like he can really hurt me. He's just a shag." She wasn't sure who she was trying to convince of this— James or herself.

"Well, you don't have to be dating someone for them to hurt you." Willow went red, thinking he directed this towards her.

"I didn't mean that about you," James said quickly, realizing this as well. "I meant it about Jamie. He treats you like shit, I don't know why— "

"I know!" Willow exclaimed. "I know Jamie sucks, but I don't care. I don't care if he hurts me!"

Once she let these words escape her mouth, she realized there was no going back.

"What?" James was dumbfounded. His mind tried to make sense of what she said as Willow racked her mind to find an acceptable explanation for what she said. She had been trying so hard to hide this fucked up part of herself from James.

"I didn't mean to say that."

He was uncomfortable when things turned bad, always wanting to save the day. She was uncomfortable when things turned out good, like when her family were at her game or when she was dating him. He didn't understand her need to self-sabotage, her feeling of worthlessness.

How could she explain that to him, Willow wondered, without hurting him? She'd be exposing him to a twisted world he wasn't aware existed. The closer he got to her, she saw him fall into it.

"I'm not a masochist," She said quietly. "Just so you know."

"I know," He said gently, but his next words were biting. "You don't care about anything."

Willow inhaled through her nose. What did that even mean?

"I've been trying to figure you out ever since the first day I met you." He said to her slowly, as if he was trying to make his words clear.

"Oh," She said. "Have you?"

"No," He said.

"Well," She said. "I don't want you to."

"Now what does _that_ mean?"

"It means," Willow paused. "It means I care about you."

"I thought I was insignificant." James scoffed. Willow made a strange noise in her throat.

"You really believe that?" She looked offended. James cocked his head to the side, challenging her to prove him wrong.

"If anything, you were the one who acted like you didn't know me when we showed up to our first practice here."

"What was I supposed to do?" Now his arms were moving wildly. "Willow, you broke my heart. I couldn't look at you without it physically hurting."

"Do you know how to read between the lines?" Her arms were crossed in front of her chest as she stared at him with a raised eyebrow.

Their relationship was nearly two years long, she had shown him that she cared about him. How could he deny that? Just because of a stupid interview where she was clearly lying to protect herself?

"That's all I do with you," James replied bitterly.

"Well, you do a shit job," Willow said. "You know, you acted like you hated me only a week ago. This week, you're acting like my saviour."

"Oh, great," He replied sarcastically. "Now you understand what it's like to date you!"

"You're an arse," She jabbed her finger into his chest. James stared at her finger becoming aware of how close they were standing. His eyes drifted over to her lips. He didn't know why he always wanted to kiss her, no matter how inappropriate the situation.

He took a step back from her, swallowing hard. He had a girlfriend.

James opened his mouth to apologize, but Willow beat him to it.

"I'm destroying you," She muttered quietly. "Don't you see that?"

"It's not you," James said.

"It is," Willow said. The more he held on, she was sure he would be destroyed by her inability to be loved. She was a burden that James didn't deserve to carry. "I don't know how to explain this to you without hurting you."

"Try," He said.

"There's something about me..." She started say, but then shook her head. "You should just leave me alone from now on."

* * *

The Puddlemere team went out the following night at a lively bar nearby to celebrate the Witch Weekly spread that would be released in a few days. They went out to dinner as well, but Willow joined them later, at the bar.

She had pregamed with Roxanne and a few of their friends who Willow only hung out with when she was under the influence of alcohol or some type of drug. Today, it was the latter.

Supersensory charms were becoming increasingly popular among the clubbers they knew. It was essentially a stimulant, but without the illegal part.

"Heeeeeyyyyy Woooooooooooood," A disheveled looking James Sirius Potter was at the bar with Jeffrey. Willow raised her eyebrows. Sure, he would get piss drunk at the celebratory parties after Quidditch matches in Hogwarts. But to see him so completely fucked up was surprising.

"Potter," Willow said. "How much have you had to drink?"

"I'm looking after Potter. Marie left early," Jeffrey cut in. "Don't worry about it, Willow. He's fine, but maybe not in the right state to apparate. Enjoy your night." She sent the older man a grateful smile while grabbing James' half empty drink and downing it.

"It's for your own good," She told James who simply grumbled something incoherent.

"You have a high tolerance," Jeffrey commented casually. She and him were the only two who seemed to keep up with each other— the rest of the team was losing some footing on the ground. Chase and Rachel were dancing around, slapping their limbs around foolishly. Jamie was hitting on some girls incoherently. Marie was probably fine, but her boyfriend was not.

"I started young." Jeffrey gave her a concerned look but she simply laughed. "Kidding, Jeff."

"Why do I have the feeling you're not?" He muttered. "Your dad doesn't care?"

"He doesn't know." The older man gave her another look. Willow rolled her eyes and turned herself around to scan the room for any potential prospects.

"Hm," She hummed outloud. "Do you see anyone worth shagging, Jeff?" Jeffrey laughed gruffily.

"You know, this might be the most words I've ever heard come out of your mouth," He said. "Feels like I'm talking to a whole new person."

She wanted to say this was who she was, but she knew that wasn't the truth anymore. It was who she used to be. Drugs unlocked a part of her that her sober self had hidden away since graduating Hogwarts. Her liveliness, her spirit— whatever you would call it.

"I'm gonna go dance." She said instead. After a few sweaty songs and dodges of Jamie's hands later, she found herself in the dire need to go pee.

The music in the bar sounded numb and flat in the bathroom, the only sensations she felt was her heartbeat and the sound of her breath. She stopped in front of the mirror after washing her hands.

Her eyes were bloodshot and hair was tousled. Willow felt a strange case of deja vu, looking at her reflection.

There was a time when looking like this used to be more common than not.

Something started to burn her from the insides. The sensation didn't go away when she exited the bathroom. Something, or _someone_ , ominous from her past was following her around.

"I thought that was you." The music, although now pounding up against her ears, was not as sharp as this voice. I know that voice, she thought. When she turned around, her heart hit her chest as her brain processed who stood before her.

"What, you don't remember me?" A scream was stuck in Willow's throat, blocking any speech from exiting her mouth. She had danced with him earlier. How did she not notice that it was him on the dance floor? Now that she was face to face with him, it was so obviously him. His blonde hair had darkened into a light brown, but he had the same pointy teeth and upturned nose. It had to be him.

"Bobby?" Her voice came out as a croak. She forgot the extent of his terror until now. Her body froze on the spot.

Bobby Payne drew her stray hair back. The scar on her wrist seared with pain, as if it was on fire. Her wound felt fresh even though it had been years since she saw him last. She could still feel his nails scratch her wrists, raw broken skin from being held down so tightly. "I knew you wouldn't forget me."

"Oh," Willow didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. If she didn't stop this, she wouldn't ever be able to feel okay. Yet, for some reason, she couldn't do it. It was like she was outside her body.

"Is this guy bothering you, Willow?" Willow turned to see Jamie, his arms folded. She inwardly groaned— there could not have been anyone worse to come to her "rescue."

"And who are you?" Bobby asked.

"Who are you?" Jamie asked. Bobby chuckled before pulling Willow towards her.

"We dated a while back." Jamie pulled Willow back away from Bobby and into his arms. She felt like she was seeing double.

"You're making her uncomfortable," He said. Willow wanted to shout _you're both making me uncomfortable stop touching me_! But instead, she stood frozen as if her soul had exited her body. She watched herself be jostled back and forth, from Bobby to Jamie, like she was floating from above on her broom.

Everything felt like a dream. Seeing Bobby in person rang an alarm through her bloodstream. She just wanted to crawl into bed until she felt normal again.

She had blocked the memory of Bobby out so well, she didn't even think about him anymore when she thought about her third year. But he had been the reason for why she had become so sad and distant from everyone that year.

He had violated her, he had taken advantage of her— she knew that. It was strange, since she didn't think he had caused her any damage when they were dating, she just thought he did things that made her sad at the time.

Seeing him again brought her back to how scared she really was after him. Why did she let herself think it was okay to fool around with much older guys?

A vivid memory of Bobby's red couch in the basement of his house, her blood stained underwear, and his terrible laugh arose in her mind.

She was thirteen. She was _thirteen_. He was eighteen. Maybe he was nineteen, she couldn't remember. All she could remember was his red couch, her blood stained underwear, and his terrible, terrible laugh.

Her wrist ached. He was the one who gave her that scar. He would always hold her wrists down, but that time his nails were long enough to scratch her accidentally. He didn't apologize after. But Willow didn't care back then, he had told her he loved her the night she lost her virginity. It was a lie, but she was thirteen. She wanted nothing but to be loved by someone, anyone.

And then, all at once, Willow was running and she couldn't make sense of anything that was going on, but her feet dragged her over to the only safety she had— James who was not in the position to do any protecting of any kind.

"Are you okay, Willow?" Jeffrey asked. She nodded, but her panicked expression and shaking arms seemed to indicate otherwise. James snapped up from his drunken stupor, studying Willow's face and body language for any signs of harm.

"Maybe," The older, wiser man suggested. "We should all go. I'll tell Rachel and Jamie— "

"NO!" Willow's voice felt disembodied, as if her voice wasn't coming from her.

"Okay, then, I won't." Jeffrey resolved. "Come on, let's go kids."

* * *

Jeffrey had two younger kids and shared custody with his ex-wife, this something he informed James and Willow on the way to his home. They both were not in the right state to apparate, for varying reasons.

"So yeah," He commented as he unlocked his door. "She has the kids right now, so you two are my replacements for the night."

"You two can settle down on the couch, I'll get some things ready." James immediately threw himself onto to the red couch. Willow just stared at it, paralyzed once again. She had not spoken a word since they left the bar. Red was all her brain signaled to her and suddenly Bobby's voice filled her ears.

 _It won't hurt._ Willow covered her ears, kneeling onto the carpeted floor. _I love you._ _Don't you love me? If you love me, you'd do this._

"What the fuck are you doing?" James asked. He seemed to have sobered up on the way as Jeffrey had forcefed him carbs from the bar. He walked his way over to her, kneeling down. "You're shaking," he said.

"It wasn't right," She said. She had been silently crying for some time, her mascara and eyeliner making a big black mess around her bloodshot eyes. "It wasn't right."

"Hey, I got the shower going and a change of clothes for you, James." Jeffrey said. "Erm, Willow? Do you need a glass of water?" Jeffrey asked after a few minutes of silence.

She didn't respond, staying curled up. "I'm sure the couch would be better— "

"NO!" Willow shrieked.

"Okay." Jeffrey said. "Do you need anything?" She shook her head, staring down at her clothes which felt soiled with Jamie and Bobby's hands.

"Shower." She said, her words feeling clumsy in her mouth. "I need a shower."

"There's another bathroom in the hallway to the right," Jeffrey said. A few minutes later, James exited the shower. Jeffrey's clothes managed to be oversized on the boy's frame.

"How do you feel?" Jeffrey asked. James nodded. "Better," He said. "I'm still drunk but I'm not dizzy anymore. The shower helped."

"Good," Jeffrey said. "Erm, Willow is in the shower but I'm probably gonna head to bed. You kids can take the couch. I'll get some blankets."

"What happened to her?" James asked when Jeffrey came back with blankets. He shrugged. "I have no idea. She seemed fine before. Maybe something happened on the dance floor. I don't know, she's not talking to me. Maybe you'll have more luck since you two do...erm...know each other."

James waited for Willow to finish showering, sobering up as the minutes went by. After what felt like an hour, she wandered out into the living room with her hair damp and face raw.

"Willow," James said. "Are you alright?"

"I can't sleep on that couch," She said in a strange little voice. "It's red."

"Huh?" But she turned her back to the couch, sitting on the floor and wrapping her arms around her knees. James didn't know what to say as he wasn't in the right mindset to say anything too profound.

Instead, he brought her a blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay." James bent his neck down, trying to see if she was feeling better. But her expression was paralyzed, he couldn't see anything other than fear.

Then, he gasped.

"What happened to your arms," James whispered. Her arms were covered with red marks, as if she had been trying to scratch her skin off.

"I felt him," She said quietly, "on my skin."

"Who?" James asked, then anger took over his face as he spat out with disgust, "Jamie?"

Willow didn't say anything. She laid on her side and hugged her knees in, back still facing the couch.

"I can ask Jeffrey to give you the bed," James said. "He won't mind." She didn't say anything so James took that to mean no. What she said the other day rang in his head.

"I guess I should, erm, leave you— " She shook her head no, grabbing at his arm.

"Stay." Her voice came out as a breath. "I need you."

That was all it took for James to stay with her, laying down on the ground next to her. She stared at him with wide eyes.

"Thank you," She said. He nodded, ushering her into his arms. When he woke up, his neck hurting from sleeping on the hard floor, Willow wasn't there.

He felt a strange case of deja vu.


	27. Party at the Burrow

* * *

The latest edition of Witch Weekly couldn't have chosen a worse release date.

Willow was not having the best day, or week for the matter.

Really, come to think of it, she wasn't having a good year.

When she got back from Jeffrey's, Willow waved Emma's concerns off with a limp hand, staggering back to her room wordlessly. She shut the door and then proceeded to sink to the floor, falling into herself. Her hands shook uncontrollably. She had a feeling something was wrong with her, something so deep within her body was crying out for help.

Despite not feeling normal, she forced herself to function normally. She showed up to one of the three practices Puddlemere had scheduled which were all excruciatingly painful due to Jamie constantly staring at her, Jeffrey constantly checking up on her, and James constantly caring about her. Luckily, it seemed as though Jamie had finally decided to leave Willow alone. She successfully gotten Jeffrey to leave her alone by faking a big smile whenever she saw him.

As for James, Willow knew he'd see through her lies, so she didn't necessarily lie— she just left details out.

"Roxy put me under a Supersensory charm before I went out," She explained. "Just for fun, you know?"

"I don't," James said. There wasn't a trace of amusement on his face.

"Well, I had a bad reaction," She said. "I'm fine, I swear." James wasn't convinced that things were completely alright, but she put up a good front pretending to be okay.

Anyone who lived with her saw there was something else going on. Emma knew. Fred, with the all the time he spent around Emma, practically lived at their flat so he knew too. The two made many attempts at getting her to open up, but no avail.

She deviated from her normal defense mechanisms. Instead of going out, she stayed in, locked up in her room. She took hour-long showers and cried. She refused to sleep. She refused to eat.

Right in the middle of all this was Puddlemere's Witch Weekly story, open to the public's consumption.

Fred handed it to her the morning it was released. Her cheeks grew hot once she got a closer look at the cover. They had chosen a black and white photo of only Willow and James, staring into the camera rather solemnly before Willow's photoself said something to James' photoself that made the two burst into laughter. Plastered above them was block lettering, _"Puddlemere United: Exposed."_

Willow groaned. This was going to be painful. She went through the pictures, Jeffrey stood, glowing with his captaincy on the first page, looking statuesque and stately. When she flipped to the next page, she saw Marie and Chase standing back to back.

Marie looked pretty.

The next page was Rachel and Jamie in their underwear and white tanks. The two Beaters were playfully fighting, Jamie turning to wink at the camera.

Willow quickly turned the page, dread falling over her body once again.

And there it was. Her and James, nearly naked and standing forehead to forehead. All six feet of him had to bend down to reach her face. Willow's photoself giggled every few seconds.

Willow frowned— she was never a giggler.

"Yeah, I don't know about you, Willow," Emma said. "Especially how that article is written, I'd think you two were still dating."

"What do you mean?" She asked. "You didn't read it?" Emma asked, eyes wide in disbelief.

"You're such a nerd," Willow teased as Emma handed the magazine back to her. With just one skim, it was clear the Witch Weekly team found the Chasers love triangle much more interesting than the actual team. But her eyes caught onto one particular photo below a half a page of text. She cursed out loud.

"Fuck."

* * *

"Oh, bollocks." James couldn't tear his eyes away from the photo and how it made him feel so weird inside. Marie stood by him dumbfounded. Her hand went out to rub James' back and he felt himself flinch.

"James?"

"I didn't even know this photo existed." A crease formed in his forehead as his eyes remained still on the photo.

They looked younger, even though it had only been a year. Willow was smiling through the kiss. He remembered she couldn't stop smiling and neither could he, how he had pushed Roxanne aside and how he was aware everyone was watching but how he didn't really care about anyone but Willow in that moment. He had felt so alive then, so complete.

He couldn't remember who was even around them in that moment, he just remembered how it felt like only him and Willow were there.

When he looked back at Marie, he realized how their love paled in comparison to the love he had felt for Willow in that one, single moment. James hadn't forgotten about how much he loved Willow, but he forgot how alive it felt until he saw the photo. All he could think about now was Willow.

The way Marie was looking at him made him think that she had reached the same conclusion.

"If she told you she loved you today, would you choose her over me?"

He didn't have to answer her question because they both knew it was over once those words left her mouth.

* * *

_Newcomers James Sirius Potter and Willow Wood inevitably steal the show from the rest of the more seasoned Puddlemere team players. Shiny and new, the two Chasers speak with the same eagerness to prove themselves. Out of all the team members I interviewed, they are seemingly most accustomed to the celebrity of professional Quidditch. Few get to experience fame at a young age. They speak of it like it is normalcy._

_Growing up in the spotlight was "definitely difficult at times. I don't think I can imagine what it would be like to not have the cameras on me at all time" Potter remarked pensively. Wood had a similar thought process, "I think ideally, I'd like to just play Quidditch and receive no attention." Her father is Oliver Wood, the former captain and Keeper for Puddlemere United, most famous for transforming the then-infamous Montrose Magpies into a powerhouse of a team it was in the 90's. Her mother is Katie Bell, former Chaser for Puddlemere United turned healer. They met in Hogwarts where Wood was her Quidditch captain, as well as Harry Potter's. James Sirius Potter not only has the Wizarding World's darling as his father, but Ginny Weasley as his mother— the former star Chaser of the Holyhead Harpies. Potter and Wood grew up in the Quidditch world— it's no surprise they are so effortless in the spotlight now._

_Despite their similar upbringing and their intensity for Quidditch, they approach their love lives in opposite directions._ _Potter is currently dating fellow teammate, Marie Harte, and recently moved in with her. "I didn't plan on getting into a serious relationship so soon after Hogwarts," He said. "It was sort of natural, but everything about it is great. She's great."_

_M_ _eanwhile, Wood_ _'s fast-spawning flings are documented on every Sunday edition of the Daily Prophet._ _"I don't want anything serious," She says when asked about it. "I don't understand why it should be of much importance to anyone." Her face turns dark when I ask her about Potter. "What about him?" Wood downplays the two's history._

_Potter and Wood graduated in the same class at Hogwarts and co-captained the Gryffindor Quidditch team in their last two years— maintaining an on-and-off again relationship throughout. They both made the team in their first year, a rarity at Hogwarts. An anonymous classmate says, "They were always arguing. It was like, can they just snog already? But James was always first to stick up for Willow. They had each other's backs...I don't think the castle realized how similar they were until they started dating. Then we saw how perfect they were for each other." They went from a friendly Quidditch rivalry to handholding on their way to practice. Potter gave more details than Wood, but it was all still vague. "Quidditch was a big part of it, we loved it to a point past most others. I think we really understood each other in that sense. Our shared passion established this respect between us." He doesn't go into why they broke up. "We've moved on."_

_While the two won't say much, their past love is clear. "I do still care for her," Potter says. "I have much love for her." Wood is more hesitant to speak, but she reaffirms that "We've been teammates for over seven years now. I know my experience playing at Hogwarts wouldn't have been as rewarding if it wasn't for his company. He's a big part of why I enjoy Quidditch._ _They speak of each other with a soft smile in their eyes. They are still friends, they both say but there appears to be something left unsaid._

_(Pictured below is Potter and Wood, sharing a kiss after leading their Hogwarts team to a_ victory.)

* * *

In the midst of everything, James forgot that his sweet grandmum had planned a celebration brunch for his first Witch Weekly Cover. It was planned weeks ago, before the team themselves had taken the photos. Like the fool he was, he had bragged to his grandmum immediately after Serafina had told the team about the upcoming photoshoot. Molly Weasley, overcome with excitement, immediately scheduled a celebration on the calendar. She always wanted him to model.

By the time he was aware of what the photos would entail, she was already knee-deep in planning and preparation so James just decided to leave it. He knew he wouldn't ever live this down. According to Lily, grandmum had gotten her to order one of those Muggle cakes with the pictures on top of it. She told Lily to chose the most handsome photo of James from the photoshoot. James didn't trust his sister's devious grin when she told him this.

So, at two o'clock approximately, James stood before the Burrow. He couldn't help but feel responsible for the near heart-attack his grandmum had when she saw the front cover of the magazine.

"I can't believe you went full frontal," Albus said when he opened the door.

"Nice to see you too," James grumbled. "And I didn't."

"Oh?" Al pushed up his glasses. "That's not what Fred's been telling everyone."

"I'm going to kill him," He scowled. "There will be no killing of any sorts," Ginny Weasley came out of nowhere. "Now, come on, go apologize to your grandmum for traumatizing her."

James was now aware that his entire extended family had seen the photos. He was horrified, but mostly with what his _dad_ thought of all this.

"Is dad here?"

"He's in the kitchen with grandmum," His mum said. James groaned inwardly, dragging his feet towards the kitchen. "Hey Grandmum," He said, a blush already spreading across his cheeks. She turned to him with surprise. His father leaned against the counter, giving his son a nod of his head.

"Jamie!" She gave him a tight squeeze as James made a note to tell her that nickname must be discontinued. The memory of Willow's pain-stricken face was now attached to that awful name.

"You've gotten so tall," His grandmum held him out in front of her. "Are you still growing?"

"Erm," James had expected her to be angry with him. "I don't think so? Aren't you supposed to be mad at me?"

"I was getting the pleasantries out of the way," She said lightly. Then her face shifted into a stubborn, angry expression that he had seen his mum and sister wear thousands of times before. Then, with a single swish of her hand, James was clutching at his pink ear.

"Ow," James winced. "You didn't have to pinch me so hard."

"You didn't have to pose NAKED with that girl," His grandmum hissed.

"It's not her fault," He said. The old woman in front of him narrowed her eyes as if she was waiting for something. He realized he forgot to apologize.

"I'm sorry," He said, the words spilling out. "We took those photos nearly a week ago and we didn't even know the plan for it. I didn't warn you because you had spent such a long time planning this party. It would seem wrong to cancel it a week before the event, when you spent several weeks preparing for it."

Molly Weasley sighed. She couldn't necessarily blame him for Witch Weekly's late notice, could she?

"I just wish you could've told me before I got your little sister to order the cakes," She resolved, but there was a ghost of a smile on her face. "I can't imagine how poor Marie will react when she sees it."

"Erm, she's not coming." His grandmother didn't hear him however, continuing on.

"She's a good influence on you, though."

"We broke up right before I got here," James muttered. Now, this, she heard.

"WHAT?" His grandmum clutched at her heart. "WHY?"

"James," His father said. "What did you do?" This irked James even more than his grandmum's outburst. His dad and mum liked to joke that James was really George or Ron's son, more Weasley than he was Potter. All it seemed to say to James was that he wasn't his father's son.

"I broke up with her." His dad's green eyes were filled with disbelief.

"Jamie, why would you do such a thing?"

"Don't call me Jamie," He yelled not even caring it was his grandmother he was speaking to. "I can't stand that nickname."

"James!" His father yelped. His grandmum stared at him, shock all over her face. James sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," He apologized. "But there's a guy on the team called Jamie and he's been an arse towards Willow and so I associate that name with him and all the shit he's been putting her through. Call me Jamesie Poo or _a_ big bloody disappointment, but I can't be called Jamie anymore."

James stared at his dad for a second, wondering if he knew the impact of his words. Instead, he was met with a stare of disapproval. He turned to his grandma.

"I am really sorry for yelling at you, grandmum. You didn't know. I just reacted, you know? He's an awful guy. I don't like to think about her in so much pain." She shook her head, giving him a forgiving pat on the arm.

He gave his father an apologetic glance, as if to say, _sorry for not being the son you wanted._ Then he left.

"Who the hell was that?" His grandmum said.

* * *

The Burrow's front yard was strewn out with folding tables occupied by copious amounts of food and lawn chairs occupied by copious amounts of nosey redheads. James would never live this day down.

First, there was the news of him and Marie breaking up. The celebration was more of a funeral for his relationship as they all seemed to think that Marie was the one. His grandmum's dramatic outburst wasn't even the most egregious reaction. Cousin Molly, coincidentally named after his grandmum, came up to him with _tears_ in her eyes, to express how sorry she was and she believed Marie was his only hope into becoming a full-fledged adult.

But the worst was probably his dad who assumed Marie broke up with him. It wasn't even a big reaction, but it pissed him off.

And then there was the bloody cakes which happened to be frosted with black and white photos of the magazine's cover and the photo of them kissing on the Pitch. Teddy remarked that it looked more like James and Willow's engagement party.

"Which photo are you talking about, dear Brother?" Lily asked, batting her eyes innocently when he confronted her about it.

"Shut it, Lily," He growled. "You know which one I'm talking about. This is supposed to be a celebration about the magazine, not me and Willow's— "

"- love?" Lily grinned mischievously. James didn't have a response to this, he just spluttered for a bit. "Besides, how can you blame me for photos I didn't even take or orchestrate?"

"Who even took that bloody photo?"

"Hugo," His sister said simply.

"OI, HUGO! GET OVER HERE!" James roared loudly, causing the younger boy to turn away from the lively conversation he was having with Rose and Dominique. Lily smacked him on the side of the head.

"You were the one who told him to send a copy of that photo to you. Remember, after you snogged her on the field, you saw Hugo who was taking photos for the school newspaper and you said 'Oi, send me a copy of that ol' Hugo boy!'"

He blinked, now remembering very vividly that he did say that. He cursed his sister for her impeccable memory.

"NEVER MIND, YOU CAN STAY PUT!"

"FUCK OFF, JAMES!" Rose yelled back on behalf of her shy brother. "ROSE!" Her mother yelled.

"You're being dramatic," Lily said.

"I am not!" James said rather dramatically.

"You love her, don't you?"

"You're the only one who believes that," He mumbled. "They all think Marie was the one."

"They don't know Willow." If anything, Lily was persistently loyal to Willow for some reason. The girl had always worshipped her.

James was about to respond until he caught a glimpse of his cousins behind his sister.

"What the hell are they doing?" He excused himself, walking over to the peculiar sight. Fred, Roxanne, and Emma huddled around a singular slice of cake, which they each took turns eating, sharing one fork. It was very strange and looked like they were performing a ritual. Even weirder was their slice on cake as it happened to be the part of the picture with his arse.

"How does my arse taste?" He remarked with a smirk. The three screamed with surprise when they realized he was standing over them. "What the hell are you three doing?"

"We're eating your ass, what does it look like?" Roxanne snapped. James and Fred doubled over in laughter.

"Ew," She said. "I didn't mean to imply incest."

"Why do you have one fork?" James remarked, grabbing the utensil out of Fred's hand and taking a giant bite of the cake.

"JAMES!" The three all exclaimed. He looked at them with wide eyes.

"It's just cake!" He waved to his blonde cousin standing by the cake. "Oi, Louis, we need cake!"

"No," Fred shook his head. "This is so much more than cake."

"What the fuck did you put in it?" James turned towards Roxanne who narrowed her eyes.

"There's nothing in it," said Emma. "It was a trust-building exercise."

"Oh," James had always counted on her to be honest. "Why do you three need to build up your trust? Does it have something to do with Fred and Longbottom's secret relationship?"

"No way," Louis had arrived with the cake. "You two are shagging?"

"We're not," Fred said through gritted teeth.

"I don't appreciate how you directed that previous comment towards me, James," Roxanne glowered. "What are you trying to imply?"

"Seeing as you cursed a certain Witch to act like she was possessed a few nights ago— "

"I did not CURSE her, it was a SIMPLE CHARM!"

"YEAH, AN ECSTASY CHARM!" Now, heads were turning towards James and Roxanne as they were some of the loudest Potter-Weasley clan members, which is saying a lot.

"THAT'S MY GIRL!" George Weasley cried out before his mum smacked him on the side of his head.

Fred laughed at the sight of his dad being reprimanded by his grandmum before turning to his twin sister with raised eyebrows. "Wait, you cursed her? Is that why she's been acting wonky?"

"What?" Roxanne's eyebrows mimicked his. "What happened to her?" She turned to James with accusatory eyes. "What did you say to her?"

"I didn't even fucking talk to her!" He was fuming now. "She basically told me she never wanted to speak with me ever again the other day— after you went and ran your mouth to her about why I was asking everyone about BDSM."

"You didn't ask me," Louis said, still holding the plate with cake. "I personally have no qualms with it."

"Yes, thank you for that," James said flatly.

"Well, she's not acting wonky because of a charm," Emma said, placing a comforting hand on Roxanne's back. "Something happened that night. She won't talk to me or Fred about it."

They all turned to James who was racking his brain for any memories that could be of use.

"I was a bit sloshed so I don't remember it all. I was at the bar and she was talking to a guy on our team and she was acting normal, like how she did back at Hogwarts at the parties. She went dancing and then she came back looking like she had seen someone die. She was acting possessed, almost."

"Do you think she was?" Emma asked. James shook his head.

"It felt real," He said. "I know it was her speaking."

"By her, do you mean Willow Wood?" Louis said, still standing with the plate of cake.

"Yes," They all said, glaring at him. "I haven't heard from her to go out in a while," Roxanne frowned. "How bad is she?"

"Bad," Fred said, very seriously which meant it was to be taken very seriously.

"Why did you have to go and tell her about that ecstasy charm?" James knew he was in the wrong to blame Roxanne, but he didn't know who to blame.

"She TOLD me," Roxanne exclaimed. "She's taken the actual drug before, she's not innocent, James!"

"Whatever," James huffed. "You're a terrible friend, Roxy." He knew his cousin had sprung into tears without looking at her.

"By ecstasy, do you mean Methylenedioxymethamphetamine?" Louis asked.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" His bloody cousins were so weird sometimes. Without thinking, James knocked the plate out of Louis' hand. The plate shattered to the ground in pieces.

"That was an antique," Louis said solemnly.

They all went silent now. James realized the damage of what he had done.

Roxy was crying while Fred and Emma both had the same expression of anger that his grandmum had earlier, only it was on the two people who always stayed calm. James could feel his father's presence somewhere on the front yard. He felt like like a disappointment.

His old self would've walked away without cleaning it up. His old self would've said fuck it, I'm a bad person and stormed away. His old self would've done something selfish and terrible. He could apologize later, he always did. But things were most salvable when the damage is mended immediately.

Most of all, James kept thinking about Willow's voice in his head. _I'm destroying you._ Ever since he met her, her voice had been in his head, making him question everything. What would she think if she was here? Willow would blame herself for his actions.

So, James swallowed his pride, pulled out his wand, and repaired the plate with a single swish.

"Sorry, Lou," He said. "You really are weird for knowing words like methie-dioxide-man-amputee or whatever its called. But I know you're into Potions and all that, so I can't really make fun of you for something you love. It's fucked up."

"Roxy," He then turned to the crying girl. "I'm sorry. You're a fantastic mate, especially towards her. She told me in fifth year, that she probably wouldn't have made it this far without you. It's not your fault, I was trying to blame someone to avoid feeling so much hatred towards myself because I do still love her and I wasn't able to help her that night."

They all looked at him, shock written all over their faces. He started to walk away, but whirled around at the last minute.

"Also I'm sorry about eating your cake." Then he left.

"Who the hell was that?" Fred asked.

* * *

"I'm proud of you."

His younger sister stood above James who was now sprawled out on his grandmum's couch while the celebration went on. His relatives were pissing him off with all their photoshoot jokes and mourning of his relationship. Especially his dad, even though his dad didn't really do much except give him that look he always did.

"I just apologized. I always do that."

"Not like this," Lily said. "You always need a few hours before you apologize."

"I guess I've changed," James said cooly.

"It's Willow." She plopped down next to him. He sat up, rubbing his head. "Why do you care so much about me and her?"

"She understands you." The two Potter siblings locked eyes, their mother's eyes staring back at each other. "You used to be an arse to everyone but me. I always got to see the best parts of you. I would always defend you against Albus, when he'd call you a selfish git because I knew you weren't. I always knew you had a big heart but you wouldn't share it with anyone."

"Then you went off to Hogwarts and all you could talk about was this girl named Wood," Lily said softly. "She did something, I don't know what, but it was enough to get you to think about other people besides yourself. You learned how to share your big heart with others."

James shut his eyes. He changed, not for her, but because of her and he knew why. From the very start, Willow unnerved him, made him comfortable to be uncomfortable. She saw who he really was and sometimes, who he really was made him uncomfortable.

"I was right about you, everyone saw," Lily concluded. "I always am."

He knew his sister was right and she always was, but he didn't want to think about how he was in love with someone he could never have. So instead, he joked.

"So, you want us to be together so you can continue to be right?" His good-humored sister didn't even crack a smile. James sighed, laying back down on the couch.

"You are right though." He muttered darkly. "Everyone out there thinks I broke up with Marie because of her. They think I'm foolish."

"No," Lily said. "You broke up with her because you were miserable. It's foolish that they don't see that." James felt his heart tug downwards and cursed his sister for being so big-hearted. She always knew how to get through to him.

"I know it hurts," She whispered. "When your own parents don't even see how miserable their son is."

"Lily," He choked, trying to swallow the tears that he didn't realize he even held. "Stop." She shook her head, wrapping her arms around her oldest brother.

"I know how it feels," She said. "They all thought I was fine. But you noticed how much I hated being myself. My oldest brother, the most arrogant prick I knew, noticed. You put all your confidence in me. You gave all your love to me."

"I had to," He whispered. "You would've done something terrible if I didn't stop being terrible."

"You did the same with her," His sister said softly. A sharp pain struck his insides. Willow told him once how she ended up in the Hospital for an accidental overdose. Now, he wondered if it really was an accident.

"I don't think so," He said. "She's miserable with me. She wants to be alone."

"That's not true," Another voice said. The two turned to see their mother standing behind them. "No one wants to be alone."

"How much did you hear?" Lily asked. "Enough to know that she loves you," Ginny said.

"Please, mum," James insisted. "You don't push away someone you love."

"Some people do," His mum said. He shook his head. "She's never said she loves me and even if she does, it doesn't matter. She doesn't want anything serious, she doesn't want love."

His mum looked into the brown eyes that matched hers, grave-faced. "It does matter," She said. "If she's pushing you away, then she's doing it out of safety. No one is opposed to love unless they've been hurt before or they think they don't deserve it. And that's not innate, other people had to have hurt her, made her believe that she doesn't deserve it."

"So what if she's never said it," His mother continued. "Love isn't a few words you tell someone. Love is an action. We can all count on you to always speak your mind, but it's taking you too long to realize that not everybody does the same. Not everyone is like you."

James fell silent, pondering his mother' words. She was right, always. She passed that trait down to his sister, but not him.

"I thought you loved Marie." He finally said. Ginny Weasley shook her head.

"Yeah, but you don't."


	28. What was Given and What was Stole

* * *

Willow Wood went missing. No one knew where she had gone. James bugged the coach about it, but Jack waved him off.

"She's missed a few practices before," He said. It was true, Willow had gotten less punctual about Quidditch since Hogwarts, but James was worried.

"Maybe you should check up on her," Marie suggested after the third day of her not showing up. The two were acting normal, but things were still awkward. They promised to stay friends and still attend the upcoming Quidditch Gala together.

"That would make sense," He said. "But no one knows where she went." At least, they claimed to not know, but James had his suspicions. Fred, Roxanne, and Emma kept giving each other looks whenever James would ask. He was planning to give up and accept that she'll be back sooner or later, but that was before he walked into the locker room and overheard Jamie about how a certain Chaser was "a crazy bitch."

"Ever since she ran into that guy at that bar— "

"What guy?" James interrupted much to Jamie's distaste.

"Some bloke," Jamie shrugged. "What did he say to her?"

"Nothing much. She ran away before he could really say anything." The Beater's face turned curious. "Why? Do you know him?"

James ignored this question. "Have you seen her recently?"

"No," Jamie scoffed as if this was an offensive question. "We're through. I'm sure you're happy to hear that, Potter."

"That's the first time you were right about something," James drawled but his mind was still on Willow. "What did that guy look like?"

"I dunno," Jamie shrugged. "Blonde."

So it couldn't have been Davies, James decided. But then who could've freaked Willow out enough for her to run away? What did they do?

"I don't think she was into him," Jamie said, oblivious to the severity of the situation. "But knowing her, she probably shagged him."

"Shut up," James said. "You're an arse."

"And you're a dicksucking bitch." Jamie laughed. "Won't change the fact that she blew me in the showers after practice."

Rage burst into James' body as he started to realize what might've happened to Willow that night— or before that night, really. It had always been a suspicion in the back of his mind. And to hear Jamie's disregard towards her filled him with an innumerable amount of injustice.

Within seconds, James had hexed Jamie into oblivion and apparated to Willow and Emma's flat to get some answers.

"HOLY SHIT!" Roxanne screamed as she rolled off the couch where Emma sat, also screaming.

"What the hell are you two doing?" James asked, now noticing their state of undress. Roxanne hastily grabbed her shirt from the ground while Emma pulled the couch cushion to her chest.

"Suntanning," Emma lied. James was too distracted by the thought of Willow to realize the absurdity of the statement.

"Where's Willow?" He demanded. "We don't know," Roxanne glared at her cousin.

"Bullshit," James spat. "Where is she?"

Emma clutched the cushion closer to her, squirming. "We're not supposed to tell anyone."

"Emma!" Roxy exclaimed. He examined Emma's face. She was going to crack, but not with his hard-headed cousin in the room. His eyes fell on the cushion she was holding. It was red.

"Is that a new couch?" He asked. The two girls stared at him confused. Emma nodded slowly.

"When?"

"James, what the hell are you talking about," Roxanne hissed.

"When did you get that couch?" He said. Emma shrugged. "A few days ago?"

"And it's red." Roxanne squinted her eyes as her cousin continued on. "What did Willow say?"

"I don't know," Emma said. "I replaced the couch in the morning and I went to Roxy's. By the time I was back, she was gone and left a note."

"Because of the couch!" James sounded near insane. "It's a red couch!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" It was Emma who said this. He blinked.

"Something happened to her with a red couch— just tell me where she is." Emma shook her head.

"I can't."

"Longbottom," James warned.

"James," Roxanne warned. Emma's eyes darted towards the kitchen counter. James took the hint, running over to grab the note before Roxanne even realized what had happened.

_Emma, Roxy, Fred:_ _I'm going to go to my parent's house for a few days. I'm okay._ _DO NOT TELL JAMES._

"She can't be alone right now." He begged. "Please, one of you, go for me."

"We have gone," Emma said. "She wouldn't let us in her room. Why would a new couch make her push us away?"

"She ran into some guy she knew that night." James said quietly. "Something happened to her. I think I know what."

"I think I do too." Roxanne's face changed, her eyes now dark and knowing. So did her mind as she connected the dots in her head.

"James, go. She needs you."

"She specifically said not to tell me. So it's best I don't."

"James," Roxanne said. "She knows she needs you, that's why she didn't want us to tell you. She knows you'd go after her and you would never give up on her."

"It's not what she wants," He said.

"She wants you to give up on her. That's not right. Like you said, she can't be alone right now." Roxanne repeated his words back to him. "James, go."

* * *

Katie Bell drew her daughter's hair back, dipping the small bowl into the hot water. Willow had come home a few days ago, looking even stranger than she did at the Quidditch game. She didn't say anything, just stood in front of her parents, looking like something was missing inside of her.

"Willow," Katie said. "Is the water okay?" Willow nodded. After days spent locked up in her old bedroom, her mother came to give her daughter a bath. Willow had cried and protested, screaming that she could not bear to look at herself. Now in the bathtub, she sat with her knees pulled to her chest and eyes streaming with silent tears.

Katie poured the water over the girl's head, letting it wash over her scratched skin.

"I was cursed in my sixth year," She said. "Afterwards, I was scared to touch anything. It took me a really long time to trust anyone. I thought I was recovered physically so it was fine. I didn't realize how it was affecting me in every day."

"I see so much of myself in you," Katie drew her hair back again. "So much things I wish I didn't. You're scared of something— I don't know what happened. If it was me and your father's divorce, it wasn't ever about you. It was never about you."

Willow burst out in loud sobs, gasping for air. Her mother continued washing her, using the water to soothe her breathing. She returned to her room afterwards, curled up in a tiny ball, rocking back and forth.

"It was never about you," Willow repeated again and again. She waited until things felt normal again, but it never went back.

"Willow?" Her dad knocked on her door.

"Not now," She said. Her upset was obvious by the stuffiness of her voice.

"It's just— well, James Potter is here." Silence. Willow placed her head between her knees.

"Tell him to leave." She wanted so badly for someone to hold her and tell her it would be alright. She couldn't imagine that being anyone but him. But he didn't deserve to be exposed to her level of fuckedupness.

"Okay." Her dad's footsteps got softer and after a few minutes, there was a knock at her door again.

"Willow, can I come in?" It was James. Her heart sang out.

"No," She said.

"Okay," He said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," She said.

"Okay." She felt the floor shift and his back press against the door, he had sat down on the hallway outside her door. "I'm gonna stay here."

They sat for a few minutes, only a door apart, just listening to the other's breath. James was breathing slowly, like he was counting his breath. Willow wasn't thinking about her breath so hers were shallow and uneven, like they were torn out of her lungs. She tried to match hers to James' breath which calmed her down a little.

"James."

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to." Willow's voice shook.

"I do."

"I won't be hurt if you leave."

"Well, I'm not going to." They were silent after this, and then Willow realized she was crying all over again. Only this time, they were silent tears, the kind that burn at your eyes if they don't escape immediately.

A few more minutes passed.

"You're not leaving, are you?" Despite everything, Willow couldn't hide the smile in her voice.

"Yeah, probably not," James, who had never been good with silence, was surprisingly okay with being silent today.

"Okay," Willow wiped her face before cracking open the door. "You can come in." He shoved his hands in his pockets and he walked into her room, gently closing the door. When he turned around to see her, his face fell.

James Sirius Potter had seen Willow Wood cry many times, but never had he seen her eyes look so dead. They were always filled with life, even if that meant tears. Something was missing. Her face was raw and arms were scratched up. She looked miserable.

"How's practice?" She asked, an attempt to make a joke. He just stared, his mouth agape.

For the first time in his life, James was completely speechless.

"Willow," His voice came out as a whisper. "You're not okay."

She blinked, her face tensed and relaxed within seconds. Her eyes flickered with some semblance of life.

"I know." With this, Willow dropped back down the floor pulling her knees into her chest. James took a seat next to her, cautiously wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She accepted it, leaning in.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Her voice broke off as she burst into tears once more. She tried to turn away from him, but James held her tight and she ended up sobbing into his chest.

Watching Willow cry hurt. There was something about her that was missing and he didn't know how to fill her back up with it. Still, he couldn't give up on her like she wanted him to. It felt so wrong, he would die for her if he wasn't to die with her.

"There's nothing wrong with you," James said.

"Then why is everyone so mean to me?" Her eyes were tearful and desperate for some explanation. James wished he had an answer for her, but he could only hold her mournfully. He kept thinking about what his mum had told him. _Other people made her believe that she doesn't deserve love_.

"I don't know," James wiped the tears of her cheek with his thumb. She sniffled. All the horrible things that had ever been said to her came to her in a flood. _Girls like you aren't lucky in love. Boys will never love you. What a whore_. _Any guy who says he's interested in more than just sex is lying to you, Willow. No man wants to take a slag home to their mum, but they'll all take her home to screw her. He will never care about you._

"It has to be me." Willow said this so quietly, James had to crane his neck to hear her.

"There's just something about me," She said, "that makes people leave. They get what they want from me and they leave." Her face was naked, missing the emotionless mask she wore. "They don't care about me."

"I care about you." James said.

"You're different," Willow said firmly. "You always were. Jamie was wrong about that. But he wasn't wrong about the slag thing."

She looked away from him, her cheeks turning red. "I don't know why I'm always giving in. It's not on purpose, just feels like something I'm supposed to do."

James couldn't tell if that was a bad or good the way Willow said it. He opened his mouth then closed it, thinking the better of it.

"It's just easier than saying no," She answered, knowing what he was going to ask anyways. "I know this sounds stupid, but it's safer too. If I say no, there's always some reaction like Jamie's."

Willow looked back up at him. "You're disappointed in me, aren't you?"

"No," James said.

"You're disgusted then."

"Why would I be disgusted with you?"

"Because you fucked me too," She said. "You must feel disgusted by that. Don't you feel dirty? I sleep with anyone. It's pathetic. You said so yourself."

He must have looked confused because she said, "In sixth year, remember? You told me you didn't understand why I threw myself away at guys like Davies." James had forgotten all about that.

"I didn't mean that you're pathetic," James said. "You're not pathetic for sleeping with them. They're the pathetic ones."

"Well, then I'm pathetic for sleeping with pathetic guys. When we met with Serafina, you said all of those things, like I just used you for sex or something. You were disgusted with me. I don't blame you."

Her eyes were staring at him, now full of life, saying _you hurt me._

"It wasn't right," He said firmly. "I didn't mean it." Willow shook her head.

"You didn't mean to say it, but it's what you think."

"Well, then I'm wrong!" James exclaimed louder than he intended to, but he couldn't let her go on like this. "It doesn't matter how many people you've slept with, it doesn't mean anything."

"But it does," She said. "Jamie was right, I'm not someone to take home to mum. You deserve someone better."

"That's bullshit— " James started to say, but what she just said brought him back to their breakup in seventh year. James never understood why they broke up, chalking it up to Willow just not wanting him. But now, everything began to fall into place. "You said that when we broke up." His voice trailed off.

She had kept telling him when they broke up, _it's not you._ The whole time he was fighting for Willow to care about him, when it was obvious that she did care about him. He needed to fight for her to care about herself rather than their relationship.

He thought about when she asked him to call her worthless, how disgusted and fearful he had felt. Was he scared of her or the kind of person he would be if he had said it? He knew there were moments where he had chosen harm over care for her. Her self-worth had never been in her hands. It was in his hands and everybody who had ever hurt her and he needed to give it back to her. She needed to gain her own sense of self back.

Willow pursed her lips, letting her hair fall over her line of vision.

"I'm sorry," She whispered. "I know I hurt you that night."

"I hurt you too," James said, thinking about everything he had said to her in the past. "I wish I fought for you."

"No, you don't." His eyes were burning into hers now, like he was searching for something.

"I do." Willow studied his face closely, using her eyes to trace his furrowed eyebrows and frowned lips. He looked serious, but most of all, he was being honest.

She was bewildered by this. "Why won't you give up on me? I don't know what you see in me, but it's not really me. I'm always going to be this terrible thing."

"You're always believed in me, who I could be and who I wanted to be." James said simply, reminded of what he had asked Lily. "You never gave up on me either. You understood me from the moment we met. You saw something good in me. Don't you think you deserve the same?"

"I'm not worth your time, James. I'm not able to be loved." Her eyes darkened as if they were about to go dead once more. "It's impossible."

"Well, you're wrong because I love you," James declared before he even realized what he was saying. "And I'm never going to stop."

Her head snapped up, eyes wide.

"What?"

"You deserve love," He said, using his sister and mother's analogy. "You don't think you do because you don't have any inside you, but that's only cause someone stole your love from you." He continued. "I don't know who, but I know you deserve it back. I know someone must've hurt you bad."

Willow was staring at James with big eyes now, her mouth was forming words but they didn't come out.

"It must've happened before third year," He said. "I remember now. When you came back from the summer, you didn't tease me about my haircut and I asked you why and you said, 'I don't know.'"

"How?" was all she could choke out. How did he figure her out? James understood that, out of everything in the entire world, she wanted to be loved. The last person who understood that had been the boy who took everything from her.

Willow let out an involuntarily cry, pushing James off of her all at once. She jumped up to her feet, looking absolutely petrified. Not at James, but something in her memory.

"Wood!" James exclaimed, standing up. Her body was trembling with memories of Bobby. Her breathing was shallow once more and he soon realized something was happening.

"Willow," He repeated her name as he took a step closer to her. She tried to turn away from him, shaking her head. Her anxiety appeared as if it was pressing down into her, exhausting her into the ground.

James caught a glimpse of her eyes. She was in pain, that was obvious enough, but there was something else. It was if she didn't recognize James, as if he had become someone else. He needed to ground her back down to the present.

He walked closer, enveloping her into a bear hug as she protested with her limbs and a strangled scream. Her cheek was pressed into his chest and she stood on his toes.

"Willow," He said for the last time, this time much more gentle. Her eyes snapped up his face. James realized his face was wet, he was crying, too and he didn't know why, it just all hurt so much. She blinked and suddenly she was back in her room, not in Bobby's red couch in his basement. She tried to say something to sum up her shock, but only a raspy croak came out. She threw her arms around his neck.

Within seconds, they were sinking into the floor.

"It wasn't right," Willow whispered over and over again. "It wasn't right."

"It wasn't," He confirmed. "It wasn't."

They stayed like that for what felt like ages, just holding onto each other for dear life. It wasn't until Willow let go and her breathing went back to normal that James realized she was about to say something.

"He told me he loved me," She said, staring at the wall. "He was the first person who told me that. But he didn't. I believed him because he was Bobby Payne, you know? I was some incoming third year and he had just graduated. I was willing to do anything he said. Anything."

James felt his heart stop. Bobby Payne was the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain when they were second years.

"He was nineteen," She said. "And I was thirteen."

"Willow," James said breathlessly, taking her into his arms once again.

"I know," She said. "I know. I haven't thought about him since forever. But I saw him at that bar and he spoke to me like it was okay to speak to me and I just remembered everything I tried to forget and ignore for so long."

She shut her eyes as James tightened his embrace over her. "He told me we weren't in love if we weren't doing it and I just, I gave in. I felt like I was dying but I wanted someone to love me so I just thought that maybe, that's what it was like." She extended out her wrist for him to see the white discolored skin.

"I think you pointed it out before. He would always hold my wrists down and his nails were really sharp one time." Willow rubbed her scar absentmindedly.

"He made me feel like I was a dumb little kid which I was," She winced when she said this. "I think he might've hit me before, I don't remember."

Her voice was shaking now. James pulled her closer to his chest.

"I'm sorry," He said. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault."

"I know," she said, then in a softer, tinier voice. "I know."

"It's not your fault," He said. "You didn't deserve any of this."

She choked up. "But what if I do?" James shook his head.

"Willow," He said firmly. "You deserve the entire world."

His hand cupped her chin like he always used to do, calluses brushing against her soft skin. Willow always loved when he did this. "I won't let you give up on yourself."

Willow didn't say anything which filled James with much dread.

"Promise me you'll get help for this. I won't leave until you promise." James realized he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay with Willow forever.

"Please," his voice turned pleading. "I can't lose you."

Her eyes met his. They promised.

She nodded. "I promise."


	29. The Harpies' Offer

* * *

Willow awoke in the morning to find herself wrapped inside James' embrace. She liked how his arms felt around her waist. It was serene, almost.

They had ended up falling asleep together, not in a necessarily romantic nor platonic way. They just wanted to be close to each other again, even if it would be the last.

James shifted next to her. He stretched, letting go of Willow which disappointed her. She turned her body over to face him. His dark messy hair was full of disobedient cowlicks.

"Morning," His voice was a raspy whisper. "I sound like you."

"My voice is not that bad!" The scratchy-voiced girl protested, but said voice betrayed her, just barely escaping her vocal cords.

"Whatever," She said. He grinned quietly, not having the energy to laugh.

There was a question that hung in the air around them, a big question mark that asked what are we?

The other day didn't feel real. She didn't know how James had the ability to loosen her up, until she was comfortable enough to tell him all that she needed too. He was able to twist himself smaller to let her feel okay to just be.

That filled her with an innumerable amount of fear.

"I guess I should go," James said quietly, lifting himself up from the pillow. He didn't want to leave her. "Fred's probably freaking out."

"Where were you?" He imitated Fred's voice. "I swear, he's like my mum. Him and Emma together are like two mums fussing over me."

"Oh, Godric, those two," Willow said. "I don't know why they won't tell us they're sleeping together. Taylor gave them her blessing and it's not like we really care." That was a lie because of course they did, especially James who had to know everything about his cousins' love lives.

"Did you not move into Marie's yet then?" She slipped in this question casually as possible, but the tension in her voice rung out.

"No," James shook his head. "I was living with her for the summer, but we broke up a few days ago. We're keeping it quiet until the Gala, though." He was going to tell her not tell anyone, but he figured that was silly. He knew she wouldn't.

Willow flipped over on her side to hide her smile from him.

In the following days, the two continued to sleep together without actually sleeping together— sometimes in James' flat, sometimes in her parents' home. She had told them about it, with the support of James. Her mother had drawn in a breath so sharp, it cut the entire room in half. Her father had just shook his head, silent tears pouring down his face, insisting it was his fault. But they all agreed it was best if she was in a home where she'd be kept company 24/7 so she was to stay at their home until no longer necessary.

James had been her company for the past days. It was a strange thing, hanging out with someone she fought so hard to push out. But it was comforting. The two quickly became re-accustomed to seeing each other everyday and spending all their time together. They weren't dating, but they were something.

She was aware of his feelings. He told her he loved her everyday and she would smile every time.

James slipped the _I love yous_ in passing comments and serious declarations and everything in between. Willow could be talking about nothing and he'd say something offhandedly, like "Oh, that's why I love you." Or they'd be falling asleep and he'd turn to her with a strange look in his eyes and say very seriously, "I love you."

It was quite nice, Willow realized. She didn't say it back, but James meant it when he said he wouldn't give up on her.

She also got nightmares frequently, something James learned near the end of the week when she jerked awake and then, almost as if she was paralyzed, she stared at the ceiling not breathing, heart beating so fast he could hear it. She tensed at this touch which made him think he had did something wrong until she reached out her hand to hold onto him. She opened her mouth, gasping for air until she was able to.

He held her for the rest of the night and never wanted to let go. He took her out to walk around Diagon Alley the following day and they walked as one, while James would point out things he thought would make her laugh. He didn't know exactly what he was doing, but he just knew it felt good to see her laugh and to laugh with her.

His mum had taken to asking him many questions about Willow whenever she saw him. "Are you two dating yet?" She asked him this several times in the past week. He always gave her the same answer.

"We haven't talked about it." James said. "You should invite her to dinner sometime with the family," Ginny Weasley had a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Then I can finally get to know this mysterious Willow you haven't been able to shut up about since first year."

"Although, I did see her and you together that one summer you two were shagging."

"MUM!" Now James shouted. His face often got red, but it had never been this bright red. They had been so careful.

"You aren't as sly as you think you are," She said. "I heard you two all the time. You're very loud."

"Mum, please shut up." He didn't think it was possible for him to get redder than he already was, but he managed. "Why are you so interested in her all of a sudden?"

"No reason," She lied. "Just heard her name being thrown around lately."

James thought this was strange, but he didn't think too much of it. It wasn't until much later when Willow no longer got a nightmare every other night, when her therapist cleared her to live with Emma again, when James realized why his mother was asking so much about Willow.

* * *

"I'm going to shower," James said, stretching his arms upwards. It had been Willow's first day back in her old flat and she asked James to come over. Nothing happened as always, but they started to prefer to waking up next to one another.

As he showered, Willow decided to make herself a cup of coffee, wondering maybe if James would want one too.

"Well, well, well." Willow practically shrieked when she got in the kitchen and saw Fred Weasley standing in front of the refrigerator, wagging his finger at her. "I knew you and him were soulmates."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Fred," Willow said, grabbing two cups from the cabinets. "We didn't sleep together. Well, not in the way you're thinking."

"Doesn't matter," Fred held his head up high. "I still think something shifted in your relationship." He wasn't wrong.

While Willow waited for the pot to heat up, she yawned. "Not much sleep?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "How did you even get in this house? Who let you in? My mum? Dad?"

"Aw, you made a cup of coffee for me!" Fred exclaimed, avoiding the question and grabbing the cup from Willow's hands.

"That was for your cousin, you fool," She said but she pulled out another cup from the cabinet. "Sugar or cream?"

"None," Fred said which surprised Willow as he seemed like a sugar and cream type of guy. "I like it black."

"Me too," Willow said. "How'd you really get in here?"

"Well," He said. "I noticed James had not got back from checking up on you because he was just sick with what might've happened to you during practice. So I put two and two together and flooed here."

"He was worried?"

"Of course," Fred rolled his eyes. "He's always worried about you. Even back when you two were wee Quidditch rivals." Willow didn't say anything, pouring coffee into hers and Fred's cups.

"Just so you know," Fred told her, taking a swig. "I'm not sleeping with Emma. We're strictly friends. We don't find each other remotely attractive, _trust me._ "

"I think you might be lying," Willow smirked triumphantly. "She's spent the night at your house multiple times."

"Yeah, then what are you and James doing?"

"Well, that's different!" Willow said.

"How so?" Fred twisted his lips to the right and Willow realized he had gotten her to admit that she and James were not only friends.

"Hey, Wood, I'm sorry to use your towel— at least I think it's yours— but I forgot to bring a change of clothes." And there James stood in the hallway in only a pink terry cloth slung low on his hips. Willow tried her best not to turn red. It's not like she hadn't seen him like this before, but it was different now that he was in her home, wearing her towel. It felt all so personal.

"I win," Fred grinned in her ear before waving to his cousin gleefully. "Hey Jamesie. I can floo back to get you some clothes."

"Why are you here?" James asked rather bluntly. "I mean, thanks. But why are you here?"

"Just dropped by to say good morning to Miss Wood over here." A mischievous smile grew on his face. At the same exact time, he and James both burst out in laughter, exclaiming, "Morning Wood!"

"You two are bloody idiots," Willow wrinkled her nose, but she did so endearingly. The two had run that joke into the ground in their fourth year, but it seemed that they now found it funny again.

Once Fred had left, James offered to retrieve Willow's mail which she accepted.

"You don't have an Owl," he commented as he came back with the mail. "Do you?"

"No," Willow responded from the kitchen. "I never sent much letters anyways."

"Hm," James shrugged. He had a little Scops owl that he trained to greet Al with a peck before dropping off a letter. "You receive a lot of letters today."

"Did I really?" She asked. "It's not like that normally— by the way, coffee or tea?"

"Coffee, thanks."

"How do you take it?"

"Doesn't matter," He said distractedly, laying her mail on the living room table. Nosey as ever, James couldn't help but notice a familiar handwriting he had seen before on his own envelopes. It couldn't be...

"Here," Willow was now standing in front of him, holding out a mug.

"You like it black?" She nodded her head.

"Figures," He said, adding, "Fred likes it the same way. I forgot you have the worst taste in sweets. Sugared butterfly wings? Cockroach clusters?" He made a retching noise.

Willow, pleasantly surprised he remembered, sat on the couch next to him, sorting through her mail.

"Better than Jelly Slugs," She stuck out her tongue.

"They're delicious," He said, but his mind drifted back to her letters.

"Now, I didn't mean to snoop," He started to say, but she interrupted him. "Oh, but you do."

"I was trying to be well-mannered, Wood. Anyways, I saw an envelope that was addressed to you and it looked as if my mum had sent it— "

"Your mum?" Fred flooed in at this exact moment and threw a pile of clothes at James' head.

"I'm back!" He sang out. "Fred Weasley the II, saving the firstborn of the Boy who Lived once again!"

"Thank you, Fred," James said sarcastically, not looking up from Willow who was looking quite bewildered at the moment. Fred, intrigued by the scene he had flooed into, took a step closer to the table with all the letters.

"Your mum?" She repeated. "Which is it?"

"Well, I don't know if it's her for sure. It doesn't say her name but it looks like her handwriting," He stood up, pointing to the envelope that he suspected to be his mum's handiwork. "I'm going to change though."

"My aunt Ginny sent you a letter?" Fred was incredulous. "Open it, open it, open it!"

"Don't open it without me!" James called from the bedroom.

"Nosy gits," Willow muttered. "Forget him," Fred elbowed her. "Open it."

"That wasn't gonna stop me anyways," She said, tearing it open.

"It's blank?" She squinted. "Why's it blank?"

"Ooh, invisible ink. How secretive! How mysterious!" He pulled out his wand, pointing it at the parchment. "Aparecium."

Words began to form. "Thanks," Willow said. "But don't read over my shoulder."

Fred read over her shoulder anyways.

_Dear Willow Wood,_

_Please keep the following information confidential as we don't want the public to know this yet. The Holyhead Harpies manager, Nigel Shillings, resigned recently as the girls rallied against him and his belittling treatment of them and demanded he resign._ _My good friend and old Quidditch captain, Gwenog Jones,_ _got wind of this and starting this season, she will be managing and heading the Holyhead Harpies. You'll read about this in the papers on in a week as they're planning to make this public at the upcoming Gala._

_Anyways, you might be wondering how this concerns you. Jones and I got to talking the other day and naturally, we started talking about the recent Quidditch matches. She was rather impressed by you and thinks that you have a magnetism to your playing; I would undoubtedly have to agree. She is not impressed easily, so take this as a high compliment and testament to your playing._

_This is all to say that she wants you on their team, Willow! Not the reserves, she wants you ready to play on the official team next season. They are down a Chaser as Amelia O'Keefe unexpectedly left the team to attend extensive inpatient care for her drug addiction only last week. Unfortunately, the Harpies do not have a reserve team due to a couple of tumultuous seasons and poor management left them unable to afford this so they are sitting out of this season._

_If you leave, this will entail you attending their practices while you are still on Puddlemere, meaning you will eventually_ _either have to choose between playing for Puddlemere now, or playing for the Harpies next season. This will unfortunately immerse you in much drama especially as the two teams have maintained a strong rivalry ever since Puddlemere poached Wilda Griffiths from the Harpies back in 1999 (which ultimately led to a brawl during a match.)_

_They will be contacting you with an official offer soon enough, but Gwenog wanted you to know that this is offer comes out of genuine interest in you as a player, not some Puddlemere-Harpies rivalry from the late 90's. Nor is it a power play over Puddlemere, seeing as your dad was Keeper for them during that ill-fated match._

_She asked me to write you this letter as she is aware of how we are connected personally (she read the Witch Weekly feature of Puddlemere as did I. I certainly looked at it as well, it's a very interesting concept for a photoshoot. My son is going to be so furious with me if he ever finds out I just wrote that!)_

_Please do think this over. Gwenog wants you now or never. I know this is a difficult decision as they all are, but I do hope you consider the offer. Gwenog isn't a typical manager, she truly cares for the team's wellbeing and does not see them as opportunities to make her richer. The Welsh National Team can testify to this as can I. Don't believe all the rumours, she is as nurturing as she is stubborn. She doesn't tolerate any drama between her players, I can assure you that you will make friends for life and come out feeling quite empowered after playing with them._

_Obviously, my interests will always lie with my son— you leaving Puddlemere will be a great loss to both him and the team but he will manage and so will they. I also am aware you may be hesitant as it seems unethical to leave a team right as the season starts. As a former Quidditch player and now Quidditch reporter, I can predict that the newspapers will accuse the Harpies of poaching you. But due to this sudden change in leadership and an unexpected player's absence only a week, I don't see any other way besides this. She did try to get in contact with Puddlemere's manager right after the first match, but John purposely (or so she believes) ignored her letters. Do what you feel is best for you, but opportunities like this don't come often. The press will be ruthless but I say fuck 'em._

_Yours,_

_Ginny Weasley-Potter_

"Fred, you prat." James had emerged from the bedroom, wearing oddly mismatched clothes, purposefully matched by Fred. "I look like a fool— Hey, you opened it!" He realized the two black-coffee drinkers weren't looking up at him, instead fixated on the letter.

"Listen, if she said anything about me, don't believe it! My mum's such a— "

"It's not about you, you fool," Fred said, his eyes now on Willow. "What're you gonna do?"

"About what?" James' voice was breaking with confusion.

"The Harpies," Willow said breathlessly, extending the letter out to him. "I'm joining the Harpies. I mean— it's about joining the Harpies."

"What?" He rushed over, scanning the letter frantically. "She wants me on her team," Willow repeated in a dreamlike trance. "Gwenog fucking Jones wants me!"

"Gwenog— " Fred started.

"— fucking Jones!" James finished, looking up from the letter. "You're gonna choose the Harpies, right?" Willow didn't look up so she didn't see the look on James' face, a mixture of melancholy and excitement.

"Well, I don't know," Willow said. "The press would be awful but the Harpies are every Witch's dream." Holyhead Harpies had been her first choice since her childhood and the latest events with Jamie left her feeling as if Puddlemere was not the place for her.

"I agree with my aunt, I say fuck 'em," Fred declared. James feigned a smile. "Yeah," He nodded his head. "It's what you always wanted, right?"

"I don't— " James cut her off with a pointed look. "Yeah," She admitted. "It is." They shared an uneasy glance, scared of revealing too much if they both said what they were thinking.

Truthfully, James and Willow were wondering how they would be able to play Quidditch without the other. Playing Quidditch with one another was really all they knew.


	30. Daddy Issues, Revisited

* * *

"So."

"So."

"How is she?"

Fred and James sat on the porch of their parents' childhood home, the winter snow biting at their exposed skin. It was the holidays now. Months had gone by since Willow accepted the offer from the Holyhead Harpies. Things got better and then they got even worse.

Puddlemere practices hindered their ability to be together all the time so James wasn't there when Willow had gone "bonkers" as Fred put it. She had seemed perfectly fine when he saw her last at the Annual Quidditch Gala. They agreed to stay away each other for most of the night, seeing as James and Marie were pretending to be dating for the press. Still they found their way to each other, ending up standing side by side at the end of the night.

"Wood," James said to Willow, looking at her up closely for the first time all night. He cursed himself for being so vulnerable to her beauty.

"You look good," He said, his eyes lingering as he looked her over. "That dress is pretty." It was a simple slip dress, with nothing over or under it. Had they not been in public, he would've said more.

"You look goofy," Willow said back. It was true, sure, James looked handsome in a tuxedo but to Willow, he looked goofy. It seemed so out of character, clashing against his tussled hair and boyish looks.

"I'll take that as a compliment, Wood." She gave him a smirk that reminded him so much of himself which filled his heart with so much pride. He almost kissed her right then and there— even with his ex-girlfriend/girlfriend for the cameras in the room.

It wasn't until the end of the night when she did kiss him. He was caught offguard— a quick tug at his tie into a dark corner in the ballroom and suddenly, he was seventeen years old, kissing Willow Wood in the corridors of Hogwarts again.

Only this time, there were acknowledged feelings involved.

"What was that for?" He asked afterwards, his hands still holding onto her waist. She smiled, her red lipstick smeared on her chin. "You."

"Hey," James wagged his finger at her jokingly. "No feelings here, remember, Wood?" He accompanied her home but they both agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea to go any further. But he left that night, feeling happy that Willow was feeling happy.

Two Puddlemere practices later, James returned to his flat only to find a stoney faced Fred and sobbing Roxanne. He had seen Roxy cry before, but never like that.

According to Fred, they were at Emma and Willow's flat when Willow came out of her room with these terrible scratches all over her arms and she was bleeding. When she saw all of them, she froze on the spot and tried to say something, but then she started yelling at anyone who came near her, to back off and leave her alone.

Roxanne saw it first— it was her eyes. Her pupils were small and dark and hard. She knew what happened the summer before fifth year and she knew that they were different, in the reasons why they both liked to go out and dance and flirt and take drugs. It was all in good fun, at least for Roxanne— but not Willow. Her dad sent her to a rehabilitation center.

Willow sent James an owl the next week, only one line: _I wish they'd discontinue red couches._ Shortly after, he received another: I _got an owl just so I can start writing you so you better write back._

He wrote back immediately.

In their exchange of letters, James realized that there were things Willow never told him until now. Things that she didn't want him to understand, like why she pushed him away and why she would be cold to him. He figured it was mostly out of fear, but he started to see that it was partly what she wanted, she wanted him to be mad at her. Everything she said to him, how she didn't care if Jamie hurt her or if she deserved to have been mistreated by Bobby, all added up to an anger and hatred she felt towards herself.

When things were going good, she couldn't handle it. She had to do something terrible, something she felt she deserved. James understood that now. He also understood why she didn't want him to understand because once he did, he blamed himself. She made him into being the terrible thing for a while, but once he wasn't, she turned inwards. He could've left her alone, like she wanted and none of this would've happened. But, eventually, he stopped wallowing in blame when he realized this wasn't about him.

"She's doing real good," Fred said. Willow was back now, just in time for the holidays. "She's joking around like old times."

"Did she, erm," James squirmed. "Did she— "

"She didn't ask about you," Fred grinned at his cousin's lack of subtlety. "But you know Willow. Always playing it cool. With all the owls you write to her, I'd assume you know she's just as obsessed with you."

"What are you even writing in those?" He asked, widening his eyes comically. "Are you two having owl sex?"

"Anyways," James quickly changed the subject. "What's the deal between you and Emma?"

Fred opened his mouth, about to say something, but their conversation was cut short by their grandmother calling them into the house before they catch pneumonia.

"Just so you know," Fred said casually as they walked in. "It's Roxy whose fucking Emma, not me."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, bollocks!" The Weasley twin cursed. He forgot his grandmum was waiting by the door.

* * *

"So you and Emma, huh?" James took a seat on the couch next to Roxanne, nudging her slightly. The living room was empty, most of their relatives engaging in a lively snowball fight outside.

Roxanne didn't even look surprised he knew. "Were you actually dating that old fart?" James asked curiously.

"Kinda," She said. "Well, not really."

"Do you even like...guys?" James didn't know if he was being too nosey or not. Roxanne shook her head.

"No," She said. "And I can't say I'm surprised you know. I figured you suspected after you saw me and Emma that one day."

He didn't. "Erm," He said. "Yeah. Also Fred told me."

"Stupid brother." She pointed a menacing finger at James. "You better keep it a secret."

James shook his head. "I know better that, Roxy. Besides, Fred made us spit-shake on it."

"Us?" James realized he may have spoke too much, again. "Who else knows?"

"Erm," He flushed. "Grandmum. But she spit-shook too! Fred forced her." The image of his old grandmother spitting in her palm would've been funny to Roxanne if not the severity of the situation. She sunk backwards into the couch, splaying herself out dramatically.

"My life," She declared, "is shit." James' eyebrows knit together.

"What're you so worried about?" He asked. "Everyone loves Emma." Roxy didn't respond to this, her face smashed into a couch cushion. She muttered something unintelligible then lifted her head up to reveal her face full of worry.

"I know," She said. "They'll be so happy." James shot her a confused look.

"It's complicated," Roxy huffed. "I'm not worried about their reaction. I just don't want to. We're rubbish at being serious so it'll just be awkward and I hate awkward things. But whatever." She shook out her curls before turning to James.

"You're dying to see Willow, aren't you?"

His ears turned pink. "I guess."

"Bullshit," Fred came out of nowhere, smacking James' head. "Your pants got tighter with the mention of her name." As the twins started to make fun of James' adoration for Willow, Teddy and his father wandered into the living room.

"Who're you two terrorizing today?" Teddy asked Fred and James. "I hope you're not giving Roxy a hard time," Harry added. His father gave James the same appraising look he always did. He knew his father didn't do it on purpose but it always made him feel like such a disappointment.

"It's actually the opposite," James replied. "Those two have an evil gene in their identical DNA."

"We're fraternal twins, you dumbass," Roxanne said. "I don't care, you're evil," He said, grabbing a pillow to defend himself against Roxanne's punches.

"We're only _poking_ fun," Fred said to Teddy and Harry with a mischievous smile. "His girlfriend is back from the mental hospital."

"Shut up," James' cheeks were hot. "And don't make fun of her or I'm going to hex you."

"You wouldn't," Fred said, even though he knew James would.

"Oh, but he would," Roxanne said. "Because he's in love with her!" As if it was planned, the two cooed at the same time. James couldn't even keep a straight face— the three nineteen year olds burst into giggles. Teddy just shrugged while James' father looked at them with slight amusement.

"So," Teddy said after they had all calmed down. "Who is this girlfriend?"

"Willow Wood," Fred said just as James exclaimed "She's not my girlfriend!"

"Oh," Teddy's eyes lit up. "Her, huh?"

"Wood's daughter?" Harry spoke up for the first time. His green eyes were widened, looking at James with an emotion he couldn't quite read.

"Er," James scratched his head. "Yeah. You met her at the wedding."

"She's the one who Lily never shuts up about," Teddy joked, noticing the tension between James and Harry. "You might have some competition, Jamesie."

"And so what if Lily is gay?" Roxanne cried out. Fred slapped his hand to his forehead.

"Is she?" Harry asked with widened eyes.

"No?" Roxanne said. "I mean, we should never assume anyone is straight, right? The bloody heteropatriarchy!"

"Yeah, that darn thing!" said Fred.

"What a stupid thing!" said James.

Teddy and Harry were now staring at the three with great suspicion. Paranoia crept onto Roxanne's face which Fred noticed right away. She opened her mouth to say something, but Fred slapped a hand over her mouth. Now looks were being exchanged, trying to understand what they were hiding.

"We're on drugs," was all James could think to say.

* * *

Right after they finished their dinner, Harry Potter asked to speak with his son and the twins in private.

"Erm," James scratched his head, looking at the living room, where his mum, Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione, and the twin's parents sat. "How is this private?"

Then again, private conversations in the Weasley-Potter clan included at least a group of five people.

"Are you on drugs?" Ron blurted. Hermione groaned.

James didn't know if he should continue his lie or not. He looked at Roxanne and Fred to see if they'll answer.

"James spoke for himself," Fred said. "He's on drugs. Not us. We're good— OW!" James elbowed Fred who was now clutching his side dramatically.

"Okay," Harry said. "We were just concerned— "

"Nosey," George corrected.

"A little bit of both," Hermione re-corrected. "But we are _concerned_ about the three of you."

"We're not on drugs," Roxanne said. "The real reason we were acting so strange is that..." Then she choked. She shot a nervous glance towards Fred and James.

"We were drunk!" James said. Roxy turned to him with disbelief written all over her face. The adults in the room just stared. Only George cracked a smile.

James quickly tried to backtrack. "I was kidding," He said. "I thought it'd be a laugh!"

None of them laughed. "Ha ha," James added and immediately regretted it.

"Ha ha?" His father was giving him _that_ look again. "James, we are being serious here. If any of you have any drug problems— "

"For fuck's sake," James cut him off. "We don't!"

"One of your friends had to be rehabilitated," Hermione said gently. "We're scared that you might— "

"No!" Roxanne shook her head. "Just because she had a problem— "

"Then why the fuck are you all acting like that?" Now it was Fred and Roxy's mother speaking. Angelina spoke directly to the twins. "You've been hiding something from us for the past months."

"It's about that Longbottom girl," George now spoke up. "It is, isn't it? Fred?"

Fred's freckly face was red, but so was Roxanne's. "It's not about her. She's into someone else."

"Who then?" Angelina challenged.

"You don't know her." Once Fred realized what he said, both his and Roxy's eyes widened.

"Her? Is it Lily?" Harry wondered outloud. "Why Lily?" Ron blurted.

"They were mentioning something earlier about Lily being gay— "

"It was only a hypothetical," Roxanne said. "To explain why the heteropatriarchy is shit!"

"Wow," Hermione said. "I'm glad you've been listening to what I've been saying— "

"Lily is gay?" said Ron.

"How are you two married," said Ginny.

"Well, if Lily isn't," George tapped his lip. "Then who is gay?"

Roxanne's startled expression would've given it away, had it not been for James and Fred's bugged out eyes.

"Who ever said anyone is gay?" Angelina pointed out, but her eyes flitted from her children curiously.

"Yeah," Roxanne agreed a bit too quickly. "Can't a girl want to challenge the heteropatriarchy?"

"Yes," Hermione nodded vigorously. "Yes!" Before they knew it, everyone all began speaking over each other at once. Chaos ensued, Hermione leading the kids in a cry against the patriarchy, Ron and Ginny bickering, George making fun of Harry for no reason, Angelina telling George to shut up.

And then: "I'M GAY!"

Silence filled the room. George and Angelina looked at their son with absolute shock.

"It's true," Fred said. "I'm the Gay Weasley. The Wheeze-gay if you will."

"No, you're not," Roxanne groaned. "I am." All eyes were on Roxy now, trying to figure out if she was joking or not. Once it was clear she was being serious, another awkward moment of silence arose.

"The Wheeze-gay, you mean." George was trying hard to resist the smile on his face. "The Wheeze-gay."

"Wheeze-gay," Fred said, also unable to resist his smile. "Roxanne Wheeze-gay." All the worry on Roxanne's face immediately dissolved as she let out a snort at this, her shoulders shaking with nervous laughter. Once Angelina cracked, they were all on the floor with peals of laughter.

James found himself wanting to write to Willow about this. He wished she was here to see this. Retelling it wouldn't be as funny.

A sharp pain ached in his chest. He _missed_ Willow Wood.

Once everyone had calmed down, the twins' family left to have a more private conversation. Just as James was about to make his Great Escape, his mother stopped him.

"We also wanted to talk to you about Willow."

"Yeah," James nodded and made a turn towards the door. "I'm not doing this."

"Stay," His father's voice was stricter than normal. James huffed but did not leave.

"We just want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into," Harry said. "It's a lot of responsibility and challenge to date someone like her." James blanched at this phrasing.

"What do you mean, like her?" He narrowed his eyes. "Do you not approve of her or something?"

"We know that doesn't matter to you what we think," Harry said. "Seeing as you dumped Marie right after we all expressed our approval."

"I was miserable with Marie!" James exclaimed. "You don't even know Willow." _Or me_ , he thought. His conversation with Lily months ago had brought up some emotions that he had been ignoring for quite a while.

"It's not that," Ginny defended her husband. "I like Willow. It's just that, considering she was hospitalized only weeks ago, it's going to put a lot of responsibility on you. She might relapse, she might— "

"I know," James said firmly. "And I don't care." His father scoffed.

"That's the thing, you don't care. You were miserable with Marie because she forced you to grow up and mature. And now you're going to date a girl who needs someone who isn't only thinking about themselves and frankly, I don't think you can."

James felt like all the wind got sucked out of him.

He and his father got along well, but only from a distance. He cared deeply about his father's opinions which is why it was so gut-wrenching whenever he spoke to his father about personal matters.

He couldn't help but think his father didn't like him as a person. If he wasn't his son, they wouldn't be friends.

"Yeah, well." James jerked his head towards the door. "I'm gonna go." With that, he apparated back to his flat. He couldn't be mad at Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived and saved the entire wizarding world. But he was. Or maybe, he was hurt.

The Witch Weekly magazine taunted him from the kitchen counter, left open on a picture of Harry Potter himself, back when he was in Hogwarts. It was an article about acne cream.

_Harry Potter had the occasional pimple here and there, but like he said in a 2001 interview with Witch Weekly, "I drink a lot of water."_

"Fucking hell," James cursed, this somehow made his anger at his dad spike up even more. "They're bloody obsessed with him. And I'm a selfish ingrate because I don't appreciate my parents never died when I was a baby. Al is grateful, Lily is grateful, why isn't James? He's just selfish, that's just who he is!"

He was now ranting out loud, under the assumption that no one was here. But the gasp that left Willow Wood's mouth indicated another presence.

James turned to the source of sound and he exclaimed the name of the girl he had been dying to see.

"Wood!" His voice squeaked which made his cheeks go red. "How are you?"

"Uh, good?" Willow looked at him slightly confused. Her blonde hair had gotten darker, closer to brown than blonde.

"You look good," He said, running a hand through his hair out of habit. She blushed. "What are you doing in my flat?"

"I was gonna surprise you." Willow looked at him with such tenderness, his anger about his dad nearly dissolved.

"You alright?" She asked, her eyes studying his tense face. "Daddy issues?"

"Daddy issues," James confirmed.

"What'd he do?" Willow said this casually, as if the two hadn't been separated by her recent stint in rehab.

"I don't want to talk about him," James grimaced. "Enough people talk about him."

Willow's eyes flickered with curiosity. "Is that why you hate him?"

"I don't hate him." He said.

"I'm well-versed in daddy issues," She assured him. "You love him and you hate him."

The corners of his mouth quirked up.

"I guess I love him and I hate him," James admitted with a smile. "Erm, you're okay, right?"

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't," She said quietly.

"Good," He said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," She said. "Not right now. Maybe another day." She meant it. He could tell she was telling the truth.

Before he had a chance to respond, Willow pressed her lips to him. Although sweet and quick, he savoured every bit of it.

"Sorry," Willow said. "You seemed a bit tense."

"Never apologize for that." He had a goofy look on his face. "That made my shite day much better."

"Do _you_ want to talk about anything?"

"No," James shook his head. "It'd be weird since it was about you. The fight, I mean." Then he cringed, realizing he revealed what he was purposely trying not to reveal. He cursed his big mouth.

"Oh," Willow blanched. "What about me?"

He hesistated before saying, "Just that he doesn't think I'm responsible enough to date you because you need someone who isn't entirely selfish which according to my dad, I am and I will never not be."

She was quiet after this. James wondered if he should've mentioned the part about dating her.

"You're not selfish," She said.

"Tell that to my dad," James muttered.

"I will," She said very seriously. Her eyes were trained on his as she spoke. "But I don't think we should date."

"Oh," James said, feeling all sorts of things but happy was not one of them.

"I just don't think I should be dating anyone right now," Willow said.

"Oh," James said again, but this time much happier. "That makes sense."

"Good," Willow smiled.

"Can we kiss?" James asked, only half-serious.

"Maybe," She joked. "Weekends only." They shared a smile.

"You don't have to wait for me, you know," She added quietly. "You could date around. I'd understand."

"I suppose," James said. "I could."

"You could," Willow encouraged. He shook his head.

"Yeah, but I don't think I will. I prefer to wait."

"You'll be waiting a while," She said.

"I don't care." She raised her eyebrows curiously.

"You'll wait?" James nodded.

"Always."

They would find their way to each other somehow.


	31. Epilogue

* * *

_The Upcoming Quidditch Match between the Holyhead Harpies and Puddlemere United is one for the books. It's a rarity when these two longstanding rivals get paired up together, but here they are today, the first match of the season. This match is historic, taking place in Ilkley Moor where the two teams haven't played here since their riot over Puddlemere poaching the Harpies' Chaser for a thousand galleons!_

_Even more monumental, the infamous Gwenog Jones is now the manager of her old team. Jones was taken into custody the last time she played at this stadium. This passion for Quidditch has earned her many honours in the Wizarding World and a perfect fit to take over for the Harpies' old manager. Nigel Shillings was forced to resign after being accused of abusive and sexist behaviour by the players. The Harpies unfortunately weren't able to play in the next season due to this, but that only gave them more time to prepare for their projected victories this season._

_Plus, there is an obvious parallel to the 1999 riot to now with Willow Wood playing for the Harpies after a brief stint at her father's former team. Wood left Puddlemere midway through her first season last year due to medical reasons. Some news sources claim it's just a ruse to hide the fact that the Harpies pulled a Puddlemere and poached her. The Harpies-Puddlemere rivalry has officially come full circle._

_If that wasn't complicated enough, the Chosen One's son and former Harpy Ginny Weasley's son is still playing for Puddlemere this season. James Sirius Potter impressed the Wizarding World last season, showing off the same audacious shots and tenacious flying that his mother displayed in her day. Although the Harpies have a Puddlemere alum's daughter, Puddlemere has a Harpy's son. This is quite a tangled web of connections with so much contradictions and oppositions._

_And of course, it would not be amiss to point out the drama of it all. Last season, James played alongside his ex-girlfriend and his other ex-girlfriend. And now one of those exes is playing for the Harpies! Wood and Potter met in their first year at Hogwarts and played for the Gryffindor team since their first year. They dated in their sixth year while they co-led their school team to victory. They've been spotted out together more than once since his breakup with teammate Marie Hartwell. The two have expressed on multiple occasions that they are not dating, but their actions speak louder than their words._

_Speaking from a Quidditch standpoint, the two have never played a match against each other, only together, which will inevitably result in an interesting dynamic on the field today. Wood in particular is garnering the most anticipation from Quidditch fans all across the board. She made headlines in her first match last season with her remarkable speed and incalculable passes._

_And for everyone in the stands privy to a bit of romance, we can only hope for some drama or reconciliation between Wood and Potter._

* * *

The Harpies won, but James knew that would happen. The whole Puddlemere Team had a feeling once the game started.

They felt it once they were on the field, the sheer force of Willow's presence. It was an awe-inspiring feeling. He didn't even have to look at her to know that the power and anger and anticipation they all felt was radiating off of her.

James didn't see it until that day, but Willow had truly changed over time. He had spent so much time with her, it all felt so gradual. But for those who were looking in from the outside, it was instantaneous which made it all more intimidating.

Especially for the Puddlemere Team.

It wasn't just Willow, though. The Harpies had a lot riding on this game as it would serve as either payback or further humiliation and defeat. Not playing in the last season due to their previous manager was a challenge on its own. But they were ready; the sight of them on the Pitch, clutching their brooms and Gwenog Jones on their sides, epitomized confidence.

Honestly, James wasn't even too disappointed about the loss. Although he had been playing to win, he wanted to see Willow win. It was what she deserved.

For the first time, Willow knew it too. Standing on the pitch, he watched as she ran into a giant group hug with her teammates. The Harpies were screaming with joy and Gwenog Jones had tears in her eyes.

It was a historic moment, really. It was triumph over a year of torture from a terrible manager and triumph over their greatest rivalry in the league. It was all worth celebrating.

Yet, his eyes only circled around Willow. She looked up from the group hug, her eyes following his. Tracing over and around his irises, he remained in the same spot on the pitch looking right back at her.

They locked eyes.

James lifted an eyebrow. She grinned and said something to her team which made them all react in a way which caused her cheeks to turn pink. Shaking her head, she picked up her feet and began walking towards James.

It was strange, how quickly things changed. It felt like only the other day when they were first years screaming over their first win for Hogwarts.

But then again, as Willow made her way over to him, the seconds were feeling longer with each of her strides. Perhaps, he thought, that was how time worked.

They had changed. They both did. They weren't the same people they were in first year nor their seventh year. They had learned how to twist their bodies to fit one another and to let the other grow, showing the other what can be shared and what can be given.

Before Willow, James was too concerned with the person others thought he was rather than who he was in the moment. Not knowing how to navigate the world without stepping on toes, not sure what to do with the great amount of possibilities he had in life, James Sirius Potter had been lost, faking a smile and hoping his charm would eventually lead him to what he wanted.

Before James, Willow was too concerned with preserving the last piece of what she thought was left in her. Not knowing there was more left in her, not wanting to believe there was more for her, Willow Wood had been missing, her worth taken from her and she waited for the rest of her to disappear.

But then James came along and he reached inside her and pulled out what had always been there. It belonged to her. Her life belonged to her and she controlled it. Just like that, Willow felt her world of possibilities expand. And James felt his world of possibilities mold into one singular purpose that he had been missing his entire life. All it took was one look from Willow, the first look she had ever given him. She saw through his front and she saw him, forced him to see who he really was. She saw all the parts of him he had been tucking away and keeping to himself.

Change was only natural, but dependent on each other's presence. Instead of becoming into the worst possibilities they could be, the two grew into a beautiful reality with turns and twists, but it all led back to the two in this moment, coming together as one.

"James," Willow called out breathlessly. There was so much space between them, too much space. It was a great distance in time and change and vulnerabilities and fears.

He was still in the same spot on the pitch, listening to her eyes which were screaming _I love you_ over and over. He had never let go of her, never gave up on her.

And all she knew was that she loved James Sirius Potter— and the feeling was more than she thought she would have ever known, more than she could have ever imagined.

She didn't really care about how crowded it was, how everyone would see them. There were people and cameras around and then there was the awful Daily Prophet. It would be all they would later talk about for the following weeks.

But Willow didn't care. Neither did he. Not in the moment.

Because in that moment, James stood in front of her in the same spot on the pitch, waiting for her like he promised, like he had always been.

She pushed herself to meet his eyes and leaned into the fall, trusting that he would meet her and she would not go face forward into the ground.

And then she kissed him.

She knew she should've been scared, but she wasn't scared. She let him pull her closer and let herself press further into his chest, until she could feel his heartbeat against her own, until their hearts moved at the same time, until they became one.

After they broke apart, Willow looked up at him, her face set with determination to say the three words she couldn't ever find within herself to say.

"I love you," She said.

"I know," He said.

After all, he hadn't been waiting for nothing.


End file.
